I was ALL set to be all #CoolKidsCleanSweep last night in Chicago after Ang and my Beloved won their respective tag matches, but then I remembered that Rox ended up flat on her back...and not in the good way. SO glad I didn't embarrass Rox like that! Dodged a bullet!

OMG! I have NO IDEA HOW but Dolly somehow got my WORK address switched with my HOME address for my latest shipment from Claire's and now the freakin' MAIL GUY has one of my packages! I am going to KILL that little shit if I ever find her 😡😡😡😡

Some douchenozzle went at my pal Trixie today because he didn't "measure up," if you know what I mean, and the entire business came to her defense. Even the WORST people I know! Cray!

Jesus CHRIST! I stepped on one of Kenzi's stupid empty Doritos bags, slid, like, 27 feet, and slammed my big toe into the coffee table!! It hurts so much!!!!! I swear to GOD that I am going to beat that black ass until it's PURPLE when she gets home. She WILL stop leaving her trash everywh OH GOD MY TOE HURTS IMMA DIE

Stepping out of nowhere and everywhere at the same time, Azrael appears. Doing a double take when he witnesses Sarah McLachlan Lacklan.


"Hello nurse!"

2x Universal Champion (First reign was less than a day though, lol. Due to Sebastian Duke cashing in his briefcase.)
2x Tag Team Champion
3x Triple Tag Team Champion
1x Television Champion
2x US Champion (Title retired during my second reign as champ.)
2x X-Treme Champion
1x Bombshell Champion
2x HMW Champion
2x SOTM

"Why don't you follow your own advice?"


"Hey.... did anyone ever tell you, that you look like Sebastian Duke?"

2x Universal Champion (First reign was less than a day though, lol. Due to Sebastian Duke cashing in his briefcase.)
2x Tag Team Champion
3x Triple Tag Team Champion
1x Television Champion
2x US Champion (Title retired during my second reign as champ.)
2x X-Treme Champion
1x Bombshell Champion
2x HMW Champion
2x SOTM

(04-17-2019, 03:22 PM)Mingermind Said: Did any ever tell you that you look like every cliche edgy trans queer ever?

"Did any what? Any human? Horse? Shit filled condom? Any what? Were you just experiencing a stroke while trying desperately to insult me? Is that what went down here?"


"Well, much like you do constantly and repeatedly through life, you failed."


"Such surprise. Many wows. So much astound filled gasps and utter awe."


"Can you see the look of shock adorning my face, that's meant for you."


"Fucking douche."

2x Universal Champion (First reign was less than a day though, lol. Due to Sebastian Duke cashing in his briefcase.)
2x Tag Team Champion
3x Triple Tag Team Champion
1x Television Champion
2x US Champion (Title retired during my second reign as champ.)
2x X-Treme Champion
1x Bombshell Champion
2x HMW Champion
2x SOTM

Minger, did anyone tell you that you look A LOT like Mastermind, is he your intelligent older brother??

You should totez finish special ed, maybe then you'll grow up to be an Xtreme champ too, good luck kiddo!!! XD

My new job is full of horrendously stupid people. ESPECIALLY that trash panda and her side bitch. Like, OMG, ya know?

On the one hand, my spirit is WAY high because me being around is making EVERYONE ubes active in my new company. But on the other, my spirit is WAY low because said company is sending me to FUCKING HICKSVILLE CONNECTICUT TODAY. GodDAMNit, Vinnie! Ugh! He is SO going to get an earful from me tonight! Need to figure out a way to get the fuck out of there before the hillbillies start thinking I look like one of their cousins. So gross.

(04-17-2019, 12:47 PM)Lacklan Said: Jesus CHRIST! I stepped on one of Kenzi's stupid empty Doritos bags, slid, like, 27 feet, and slammed my big toe into the coffee table!! It hurts so much!!!!! I swear to GOD that I am going to beat that black ass until it's PURPLE when she gets home. She WILL stop leaving her trash everywh OH GOD MY TOE HURTS IMMA DIE

You love Kenzi's trash...

Been a LONG day...got into a fight with Kenzi last night...we're working on it...but I logged on right now and discovered that that useless cunt Melinda Rhodes got fired again. Today has suddenly become a good one.

I'm not POSITIVE, but I think Dolly got taken in by a drug cartel on one of her "excursions" into Mexico and is probs already married off to some drug lord. Gonna be SO jelly if she gets preggers.

One of my threads has over 600 views, and I just KNOW that, like, half of them are people like Kuda and Lux trying to figure out what they are supposed to promo about (because of their lack of skill or originality, obvs), and another quarter are just TinyD using me as stroke material, and FUCK that's gross

Spent some time with Angie and there is CAT HAIR EVERYWHERE AGAIN OMG HOW IS IT MULTIPLYING

That gross guy who swears too much keeps talking about that Twitter account that I don't have. Why is he so obsessed with me?

"Dear imaginary diary,

Some dumb cunt actually believes she's fooling people into thinking that she doesn't run two or three separate Twitter accounts under different names despite them all posting the same bullshit and typing in the same manner as said cunt. Also, says I'm obsessed when she's the one who has talked about my promos on two separate occasions first, that I know of."

Holder of the most wins in the XWF (Mostly house shows)

Holder of the most draws in XWF (All on Anarchy)

Winner of Sickest Cunt of the Year 2020

Winner of Greatest Wrestler who ever lived 2022

Holder of the world's rarest pog collection (Valued at $200)

Owner of Ned Kaye's cat that Ned named Deepthroat for some weird reason

Voted most feared man by Centurion (Twice!)

Triggered one of my particularly dumb and smelly stalkers into outing how much of an edgelord tryhard he is when he made some baseless and false allegations without a single shred of evidence in a pathetic attempt to save face in front of our peers and co-workers. He should ask Lux how well that tactic worked out for him.

"Gonna take a page out of Lacklan's book here and just make this bullshit about me despite it annoying literally everyone."

I clear my throat and put on my best Lacklan impersonation which is a cross between a 1800s Londoner and an early 90s valley girl?

"Sooo Ned Kaye keeps posting his promos right after mine and it's just TOTES annoying! It's like he wants to fuck me or something, eww gross. Good thing I can just say people want to fuck me instead of thinking of a decent comeback using my brain. LOL better use my amazing push to do mediocre on Anarchy!"

Holder of the most wins in the XWF (Mostly house shows)

Holder of the most draws in XWF (All on Anarchy)

Winner of Sickest Cunt of the Year 2020

Winner of Greatest Wrestler who ever lived 2022

Holder of the world's rarest pog collection (Valued at $200)

Owner of Ned Kaye's cat that Ned named Deepthroat for some weird reason

Voted most feared man by Centurion (Twice!)

(04-23-2019, 05:07 PM)Lacklan Said: Triggered one of my particularly dumb and smelly stalkers into outing how much of an edgelord tryhard he is when he made some baseless and false allegations without a single shred of evidence in a pathetic attempt to save face in front of our peers and co-workers. He should ask Lux how well that tactic worked out for him.

When do you want your rent money?

My stalkers are SO triggered today 😳

(04-23-2019, 05:52 PM)Lacklan Said: My stalkers are SO triggered today 😳

Can I have a room mate? I mean, there's this whole empty room in your brain space where your God tier push was supposed to go so I figure it should be good, right?

Ugh. Got another reminder of Kenzi's penchant for petting stray dogs. Seeing Baumer, Reeves, and Steele was TOTES what I wanted to do 😒

After getting situated this morning in our usual Carolina hotel for her Queen City match (ew), Kenzi conned me into attempting to break Raab and Fizz's record. Again. We failed. AGAIN. I don't know how in the FUCK Fizz doesn't turn into a sponge left in the Sahara after the 3-hour mark, but that bitch MUST be some kind of superhero.

***Noah sighs and resets the 'it has been X hours since Lacklan said some stupid bullshit' board back to 0***

Holder of the most wins in the XWF (Mostly house shows)

Holder of the most draws in XWF (All on Anarchy)

Winner of Sickest Cunt of the Year 2020

Winner of Greatest Wrestler who ever lived 2022

Holder of the world's rarest pog collection (Valued at $200)

Owner of Ned Kaye's cat that Ned named Deepthroat for some weird reason

Voted most feared man by Centurion (Twice!)

Super looking forward to today's Preseason game! Got Ax fit into her new cheer squad uniform so I can FINALLY replace Honey, and got my SWEET Windows Phone set up so that I can also watch Vinnie's shit team job out to San Antonio.

GOOOOooooooooooOOOOOO HITGIRLS!

HOT DAMNIT!!!! Ax "accidentally" fell out of her top while cheering on Amira and she dropped the ball!!! HOW DO WE LOSE AGAINST THE BELLAS?!?!

The chicken sausage on my plate was CLEARLY cooked with vegetable oil and NOT extra virgin olive oil like I SPECIFICALLY stated. I threw the plate at the idiot waiter when Kenzi wasn't looking. Stupid pauper. NO TIP FOR YOU

I just ate a donut and it had this big ol' hole in it, MY LIFE SUXXX!!!! >__<

--mcLacklan

"I just had an avocado smoothie with brains mixed in. Very tasty."

1x X-Treme Champ
1x Hart Champion
1x SOTM November 2018

@the_rain_storm My tv repairman gave me an extra porn channel when I SPECIFICALLY asked for ONE!!! This lesbian shit is......... whoops, nvm!!! XD ........note2self: invite kenzi to watch tv with me ^__^

#2day_has_suddenly_bcum_a_Gone_1

Ugh. While it's totes amazeballs I get to see my Beloved in her first World Title match, it sucks donkeyballs that it's in the shitty state of Indiana. At least I knew it WAS a state, unlike a certain Barbie Doll I know. Here's a SWEET pic Ken took of me doing the best part of being in Valet Mode. My wings are FIRE

Where have I seen this before... OH! I know!

Ugh. Roxy is trying to slip her selfies in my diary again. Weirdo.

It is SO cute when people think that they are the "leaders" of something. SO CUTE! Oh shit, my baby's match is starting!!!!! SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bittersweet

Today I learned that the definition of Vacation is: Won one of the titles, defended it against THE MAN/THE PIG, and have produced 100% of the contractually-obligated promotional videos for the brand you work for, as well as getting people to axly care about the XWF website.

Learn something new every day!

Well, tonight we learned that COMPLETELY getting EVERYTHING about your opponent wrong AND cutting a promo which was basically random swear words thrown together like a kid trying to impress others on the schoolyard is NOT the way to properly prepare for a match.

nods respectively