Hey guys, as I just made my return this week and got back into the saddle with RP'ing, I just wanted to see what people thought of them and what I could improve on in the future. Here are the links:

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=28578 - Part 1

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=28639 - Part 2

Let me know your thoughts. Thanks in advance!

Pretty good. Not what I was expecting out of someone with a blowhard nickname like "The Young Lion", but still good quality. Good to have you back, Mav.

Both solid man. I dig your color scheme. Easy to read. Looks nice. You're a good writer.

Nothing really pops out to me as bad, I personally don't like the use of the word jobber (apparently I'm not the only one. I meant j0bber) in a promo. Can't say why exactly but I'm just not a fan. That's probably the only real knock I have.

I'll tell you that right now, today, I'm not super interested in the character. I'm sure you have plans to build more but in just those two promos I'm not dying to find out more about Finn.

That might read as a more harsh critisicm than I meant it. But I'm not sure how else to say it. You're obviously a technically gifted writer. You flow through stuff that I would personally have a hard time getting across but to me the character just seems to be missing something right now at this very moment. It's obvious you have more in store and I'll be excited to see how you differentiate Finn.

Overall dude good work. I enjoyed reading both of those.

(07-22-2017, 07:45 PM)Travis McCoy Said: Both solid man. I dig your color scheme. Easy to read. Looks nice. You're a good writer.

Nothing really pops out to me as bad, I personally don't like the use of the word ****** (apparently I'm not the only one. I meant j0bber) in a promo. Can't say why exactly but I'm just not a fan. That's probably the only real knock I have.

I'll tell you that right now, today, I'm not super interested in the character. I'm sure you have plans to build more but in just those two promos I'm not dying to find out more about Finn.

That might read as a more harsh critisicm than I meant it. But I'm not sure how else to say it. You're obviously a technically gifted writer. You flow through stuff that I would personally have a hard time getting across but to me the character just seems to be missing something right now at this very moment. It's obvious you have more in store and I'll be excited to see how you differentiate Finn.

Overall dude good work. I enjoyed reading both of those.

Trust me, harsh criticism is the worst way to put that, I definitely enjoy the feedback. Don't get me wrong, while those RPs were definitely titled "Introductions"- and they were, to an extent- I mostly wanted to put out why on Earth Finn would come to the XWF in the first place. As the RPs go on and on Finn will definitely get more character development that will make him a more exciting protagonist to read.

Thanks for the feedback!