Hello all. I'd just like to introduce myself and maybe get some feedback on my debut RP that I posted. Debut RP is here.

That RP was, to be honest, just a way of proving to myself that I still had it in me to RP. I haven't been a part of an e-fed since 2007. If nothing else, it felt good to wrap my hands around the character of Jon Willis again and put a new spin on him. Jon Willis has been a character I've used as a supporting cast member and sometimes the main character I RP as since I was involved in my first Geocities fed way back in the late 90's.

I've had a lot of fun with e-feds in the past, and to be honest, a lot of drama as well. I'm aiming to make my time here as drama-free as possible and just enjoy getting back into writing creatively again.

So, for a brief bio, my name is Oliver. I'm 27, and I first got into e-feds when I was thirteen. I'm pretty much a jack of all trades when it comes to nerd stuff: I'm a big gamer, big comic book nerd, big fantasy and scifi buff, big fan of TV shows like The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad, etc. etc. I don't follow wrestling as much as I used to, I follow MMA pretty extensively and used to write for an MMA website professionally, and I joined XWF just to see if I still had it in me to write creatively since I haven't written creatively in a long, long time. And I finally got tired of ignoring "the itch" and decided to scratch it.

So that's me in a nutshell. I look forward to getting to know and test myself against everyone. I'll see y'all around.

Welcome.

I gave a brief once over to the RP but didn't have a chance to really dig deep. I saw good stuff though.

You should be fine here. Try to avoid all the rape stuff.

Okay, I went back. I felt like you deserved some actual feedback.

That roleplay is long as shit. I'd suggest breaking it up into parts rather than one giant piece like that, if it were for a match. People get tired of reading even the best stuff, you know?

I like the character and the interplay. He's got faults and weaknesses and doesn't come across like every other vanilla e-wrestler who's just the best in the world or whatever. It's good to have that depth.

It seems like you have a really good story in mind for Jon. Try to have some avenues to branch off of it though, so you don't run out of ideas or get stuck.

The segues with the lyrics/poetry were interesting. It kind of caught be off guard at first. Those could be could spots to split it up. Have you ever listened to podcasts like Serial or Undisclosed? It reminded me of that, how there'd just be a second or two of musical interlude while the changed subjects or whatever.

You might consider some color in there. Something to make it more visually stimulating. Again, boredom is your biggest enemy so every little thing helps.

Other than that, great writing. I think you'll win here.

Hey man. I'd just like to pop in and say thank you for the feedback. I really appreciate it.

I took your advice and dug up an old layout from back in the day. I split the RP into three parts, added color, and things like that. Hopefully it's not as bad of a FRAT as it was when I first posted it.

I really like it. It's a perfect character development piece, letting us get to know your character. Dig the layout too.

You carry on posting stuff like that and you'll find that you'll do very well for yourself here

I skimmed over it a few days ago, just got the chance to actually sit down and read it. Was entertaining good work. Also I am a fan of the external role-plays, gives u that much more of a chance to show your creative side.

Kinda sux u joined during all the transitions, but I look forward to seeing where u go from here. Cheers buddy keep up the good work!

Titles Held: Intercontinental, Tag Team (w/ Peter Gilmour)
Win / Loss / Draw (Since Return): 1 / 0 / 0

Just read your bio 2. We both did 6yrs in the pen! cheers to that lol

Titles Held: Intercontinental, Tag Team (w/ Peter Gilmour)
Win / Loss / Draw (Since Return): 1 / 0 / 0

I'm a sucker for a good layout. This was a good layout.

I don't have the skill to create layouts.

It makes me sad.