(09-05-2015, 08:09 PM)LoverboyVinnieLane Said: Rev I'd say you need to round out your story. From what (admittedly little) I read this go round, you mostly just had a dialogue with the reader. That's great and it's important, too, but you need to build who your character is and what he does in ways other than just saying "this is who I am and this is what I do."

Show us Rev being who he says he is. The less you have to spell out for us the better. Show it to us.

Also, broaden up that color spectrum, man. All red everything hurts the old eyes.