Here's some advice, take it or leave it.

You have an illustrative imagination. An eye for detail. That's good, but it can be overwhelming. Something you need to remember to do is only give the details that are necessary. A lot of writers, myself included I'm sure people here will tell you, have a tendency to describe too much. You want to focus on what matters. For instance, in this post what matters is the image of Kage on his chair with the pills and the booze. That's good, it tells something. The initial bit about it being colder than the warmest heart is for one, unneeded, two, contradictory to the image of a bare chested man sleeping comfortably or whatever, and three, distracting from that image.

Remember that things like capitalizing the beginning of a sentence isn't just a rule, it exists because it makes reading it work better in your head. Clumping everything together in a paragraph with monotonous repetition makes you read fast just to get through it. You want to control the pace it is being read in while still being engaging. If you want me to read slower to describe the passage of time you want to describe, don't just say "five minutes go by," instead...

Try,

to slow,

me down.

Something you need to also incorporate more of is dialogue. Dialogue is a great tool because it immediately gives you breaks in those "walls of text" by giving you a natural indentation, and it also gives you another method to convey the scene.

Authors will tell you to show and not tell. Don't say "it was a cold night." Show me Kage shivering. Don't say "Kage is angry." Show me through his actions. If you just tell me he's filled with rage, you're doing my job for me and taking me out of the equation. Then it's just redundant to tell me he throws things around because I already know h's angry.

Another tip? This one is tough for everyone, especially when describing things in an expository fashion: active voice is something you want to do more often than not, using action-filled language. "She drove the car fast" is boring, whereas "Speeding down the road, she jerked the wheel back and forth" is more active and therefore more engaging.

Finally, and then I'll shut up, I swear, the comments above about using colors and such are good advice on here. You can write very well without it, of course, but it won't be as interesting to most. Take Casablanca for example. Probably one of the best movies ever made, but it's in black and white. A lot of people don't watch it because of that.

Anyway, have fun.