I'm a bit confused by the changing perspective part - the whole RP is shot in first person from Steve's perspective. Furthermore, neither of them are supposed to be that angry. Steve is calm because he has accepted that he may have to die in order to save Lacey. Mark is partially calm due to his own desperation to come across as sadistic.

I will take your advice on dialogue - Steve is meant to come across as wordy and poetic but I don't want that shifting to my other characters so thank you for the response - all feedback is much appreciated and I'll try to take it on board