I'm new here, but saw you were asking for feedback.

I think this was a good piece, but ultimately there were some flaws (at least in my eyes) that stop it from being great. First of all, the random change of tense and perspective. The former was a one shot occurrence but something I noticed nonetheless. The latter was a little jarring to say the least; not because changing perspective mid RP is inherently a bad thing but because it came without much warning. That's one of those things where some warning would be nice.

Also, I feel like your dialog was a little too wordy at points. Again, not necessarily a bad thing but I've always held a viewpoint that less is more in that regard. I guess what I'm saying is that it didn't seem natural. Not the emotions behind them of course, but the actual words themselves. Something felt like Steve and Mark, both seeming incredibly stubborn and hot headed would interrupt each other a lot more. If I'm misinterpreting the characters there feel free to correct me but that's just how they came across.

Other than those two things though, you got an interesting story going on here that ended on a clever cliffhanger.

Hope I helped a little bit.