Super Mutant Dogerlord
Very Active, Such XWF, Wow
XWF FanBase: Teens, some men, few kids (booed by casual fans; hurts people; often angry)
XWF Roster Page
Joined: Tue Feb 11 2014
Posts: 13
3,887
Likes Given: 2
Likes Received: 34 in 12 posts
Hates Given: 0
Hates Received: 1 in 1 posts
Hates Given: 0
Hates Received: 1 in 1 posts
Reputation:
2
X-Bux: ✘75,000
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02-11-2014, 05:13 PM
Okay, read this bitch full length and thought it was a pretty solid piece. However, in the story sections (and this is just a pet peeve of mine) you repeated the same word as the first in the sentence multiple times in a row, which kind of in my eyes can hurt story flow. Nothing too major but just a thing to play around with.
As for your trash talk, I thought it was again solid as shit. However, there were some grammar errors and an entire sentence that makes no sense in: Jealous of the fact; that people like me?
Mainly, I have to say take your time and proofread stuff and you'll be fine.
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The following 2 users Like Super Mutant Dogerlord's post:2 users Like Super Mutant Dogerlord's post
Kristy Jackson (02-11-2014), Theo Pryce (02-11-2014)
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