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X-treme Wrestling Federation » XWF OOC » Out Of Character (OOC) Board
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Is this shit too long?
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Super Mutant Dogerlord Offline
Very Active, Such XWF, Wow



XWF FanBase:
Teens, some men, few kids

(booed by casual fans; hurts people; often angry)


#19
02-11-2014, 05:13 PM

Okay, read this bitch full length and thought it was a pretty solid piece. However, in the story sections (and this is just a pet peeve of mine) you repeated the same word as the first in the sentence multiple times in a row, which kind of in my eyes can hurt story flow. Nothing too major but just a thing to play around with.

As for your trash talk, I thought it was again solid as shit. However, there were some grammar errors and an entire sentence that makes no sense in: Jealous of the fact; that people like me?

Mainly, I have to say take your time and proofread stuff and you'll be fine.
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[-] The following 2 users Like Super Mutant Dogerlord's post:
Kristy Jackson (02-11-2014), Theo Pryce (02-11-2014)


Messages In This Thread
Is this shit too long? - by Kristy Jackson - 02-11-2014, 02:48 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Scorpio - 02-11-2014, 02:51 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Kristy Jackson - 02-11-2014, 02:53 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Kimmy-K - 02-11-2014, 03:19 PM
Is this shit too long? - by AlexandraCallaway - 02-11-2014, 03:23 PM
RE: Is this shit too long? - by Giovanni Ferrari - 02-11-2014, 04:26 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Kristy Jackson - 02-11-2014, 03:24 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Theo Pryce - 02-11-2014, 03:57 PM
RE: Is this shit too long? - by Kristy Jackson - 02-11-2014, 04:07 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Kimmy-K - 02-11-2014, 04:49 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Kristy Jackson - 02-11-2014, 05:01 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Theo Pryce - 02-11-2014, 05:03 PM
RE: Is this shit too long? - by Kristy Jackson - 02-11-2014, 05:06 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Giovanni Ferrari - 02-11-2014, 05:06 PM
Is this shit too long? - by AlexandraCallaway - 02-11-2014, 05:09 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Theo Pryce - 02-11-2014, 05:11 PM
Is this shit too long? - by Super Mutant Dogerlord - 02-11-2014, 05:13 PM
RE: Is this shit too long? - by Kristy Jackson - 02-11-2014, 05:16 PM
RE: Is this shit too long? - by Kristy Jackson - 02-11-2014, 05:37 PM



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