Okay I'll be honest, then. You need to put actions, reactions and what not in there (look at one of my rps to see what I mean), a roleplay, sure, it's mostly about what the person says but messages can also be sent through actions and all of that stuff... Plus, I'd say the speech is good but it does need to be a little longer if it's going to compete with some of the big boys around here. Actions and all of that could help increase the length.

I know what the big guys say, it's about quality and not quantity... But even so, you could write a great rp with 500-700 words and it will be accounted, but then you got the big guys writing equally great OR better rps and writing between 1500-2000 words... That's just my 2 cents anyways lol

Italic, change a to i and n to i

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