I gotta be honest it sounds awesome. Really captivating just from your summary. And I agree with Nova about the syringe thing. It would tie in well with the actual premise.

I have written several stories. Usually my crowning achievements were comedies.. A lot of them seemingly had no point and had the same recurring characters...and converting people to the flying spaghetti monster religion was a part of those. Aside from those I also wrote one about a band hitting the road searching for fame. Never typed it or anything and I still have the notebook.

I also wrote (started writing) a story called "NoWheresville" about a guy who sold his soul to the devil who ends up killing people in small town sending their souls to hell. And since I based some of the people in the story on people in my life(because I was a really angry person a while back) it started messing with me mentally and I never finished it.. I'd like to. It is just too much for me to handle. I know I ramble a bit, but I thought I'd share.