You're not my mother.

Or my godmother.

Yet you keep telling me what I should do.

When iAm doing what I should do.

I'm keeping my temper.

You talk about freedom of speech? You do notice how hypocritical that is, correct? You told me I shouldn't make a thread to compliment another's work... that's telling me what I can and cannot say.

As I told you. Cam appreciated it when I did it. We went from being at eachother's necks -- To friends. Again... I don't see the harm in that.

And I never said you hated me. I asked you, "What is wrong with you?"... You never answered.

I know you don't hate me. But I also know you are not helping me... in the slightest.

I also haven't said anything negative about you. In fact? I've said, time and again, how great of a writer you are. I've also said I WISHED I could be friends with you. I even told John Austin that.

But... I don't see how jumping on me for making a thread like this is "helping" me. I also don't see how consistently having an attitude, when I am literally consumed by negativity......

... you want to help me? Be positive. Do what I'm trying to do. If I say something you don't agree with? Do not go off on me. It only triggers me.

And Believe me... I am doing everything within my power to contain myself.

Also... I don't remember getting "pissed off". I didn't ask for you to be in a match. I asked for you to team with me. And it had nothing to do with a match. And you never actually responded to the invite... but I never became upset about it. Micah did, however, and she cursed at me about it. I wanted the THREE of you. All three of you. To team with me. I tried to explain that. I even wanted Radio to be a part of it.

So... no. There was no match with you & I vs Micah & Zak.
The proposition was for the FOUR OF US to form a group.

And I haven't treated you like "sh*t".

= = =

"Plain and simple truth is... I'm giving you knowledge... the knowledge that someone my age probably should have already given you but failed as a mentor or fucking parent"

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=6257

= = =

THAT LINE... was the first time you ever upset me. And it triggered me. As I'm pretty sure you know. Because I raged over it. [and btw? my mom is in her 50s. im quite sure she's at least a couple of years older than you] But yet? Even after that... I have tried to be friends with you. And I even responded to your feedback thread --

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=6242

"Ok, about the first one-- you SERIOUSLY are a fantastic writer. As I said, you remind me of Brittany... my old friend from WWG. And I love the idea of going back in time... and you capture the feeling of that era so well. Annnd... Hannah was actually, or maybe still is, I don't know as she no longer speaks to me... but she at least WAS working on a story called "Luna, Child of the Moon", so that part instantly reminded me of her... Also, I was wondering, do you like video games? I didn't know exactly what the songs in the videos were from at first, but I realized that, I think at least, they're from video game soundtracks. Though, I could be completely mistaken. >.< But I especially like the song in the second roleplay... I love both pieces. You should DEFINITELY continue, I'd be interested in where it goes...

Btw, I'm about to post a link to something I posted in Character Development. I'm going to post that, as well as a link to something else I wrote... if you could check them out and let me know what you think, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

BTW-- I also LOVED your "Finding the Truth" roleplay. You're very good with details, just like Brit. I look forward to reading more from you. ^.^"

= = =

You responded --

"rayne - not that you will read this, but I love the Viking era, it's part of my family history. As for the songs, they are from the History channel show "Vikings".

...

"not that you will read this"

Alex... how did you expect me to take that?

"... ok... I came to this forum... and before even looking at my own feedback thread, I wanted to look at yours. I'm really glad you think you know me. Because I hardly ever do.

And I'll be honest. I still want to be friends with you. But that'll obviously never happen. BTW-- I think it's amazing they're part of your lineage. But as you said about me... you probably don't care what I think.

But I do hope you continue... As if my opinion matters.

After enjoying our first few conversations, and then enjoying your writing so much...
Fuck it. I should have known this would happen. It always fucking does."

= = =

I seriously wanted to be friends with you. And I thought maybe, by giving you feedback, I would prove that. But it dfidn't.

The reason I get upset when I'm told what to say? Is because I'm saying positive things... yet this is what happens. When I fly off the handle? I need to be taken down a peg. That's what happened. That's why I am trying not to lose it. I Believe negativity... anger... rude-ness... THAT? Shouldn't be censored.

It shouldn't exist.

Hate leads to hate. I read "Au Revoir!" after I was clearly upset... how would you take that? I took it as sarcasm. Yes, the internet doesn't translate well.

But I read what I read.

I don't Believe things such as this, such as a post trying to let someone know that their writing meant something to me... I don't Believe that should be censored. But negativity? Such as yours? Such as mine? Such as Archie Lawson's? That has no place. Anywhere. And when it's directed toward someone like me... one of two things will happen. Either I let it spin me out of control...







[video=youtube]www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSNyOYT3dJ8[/video]

... or I let it build within.
And save it.

And use it in my work.

Which is exactly what I'm doing.

See you at Shove-it... Mamacita.

Ciao.
~ $


"...just like i suffered ..."


"You have been lost for days--
MAY YOU FIND MY DARKNESS."

#i_hope_you_do



~ fin