John Austin
Grizzled Young Vet
WWW
XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone
(cheered; very rarely plays dirty; many likable qualities)
XWF Roster Page
Joined: Mon May 13 2013
Posts: 502
170,406
Likes Given: 623
Likes Received: 523 in 264 posts
Hates Given: 17
Hates Received: 8 in 8 posts
Hates Given: 17
Hates Received: 8 in 8 posts
Reputation:
96
X-Bux: ✘50,000
|
08-23-2013, 03:24 PM
Key Thoughts
-Liked how you talked about what happened in your last match, gives readers a general idea of what you are referring to when it comes toward Mr. Radio
-Loved that you used different colors to distinguish what, personally I wouldn't have used the yellow, green and red combo  haha but seriously, that helps a-lot of whose is talking and what the actions are 
-Love the descriptive details like "Jonny jerks forward in pain and takes a few painful deep breaths. He holds his ribs in obvious pain." but on others, I would be a little more descriptive like for a example "Jonny then pulls the back of his jeans tight, making them appear to be skinny jeans."
I would make that into "Just fueling the insults to Mr. Radio even more, Jonny slowly pulls the back of his jeans tighter to make the appearance of skinnier jeans. "
But overall man, you did a really good job. Keep up the good work.
To find John, turn those lights out because he will then appear...
XWF LEGEND and the only man who punked out Duke TWICE
|
|
|
|
![[-]](https://xwf99.com/images/portal2/collapse.gif)
|
|
