Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Scoops McGee · (01-09-2025)

(* - Official Disclaimer: This promo was filmed and produced before Warfare.)

The chill of the McGee family farm in the middle of the winter was damning. No matter how many layers Noah the cameraman had put on, it seemed like he was freezing himself to the bone. As his teeth chattered together while zipping up his heavy winter jacket tightly, he looked over to Scoops who was somehow calm and collected out there in a simple heavy sweater. He looked over to Noah, guffawing at the poor boy as puffs of steam escaped from his mouth.

“Ain’t so simple comin’ over to the Midwest, eh?” Scoops asked, raising an eyebrow as the two trudged down along the road together. “You from warmer areas, I take it?”

“Tampa,” Noah responded with a small nod. “Never really been out to colder spots like this…”

“Well, ain’t that a goddamn shame, huh?” Scoops chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, you think this is bad, you wait ‘til we’re on the road for Warfare* and that Snow Holds Barred joint. Canadian chill is gonna damn near kill ya.”

Noah shuddered at the thought. “N-Never mind that, si-” he paused, trying to correct himself. “...Scoops. How do you… y’know… like to get ready for all your matches?”

“How I get ready?” Scoops repeated, giving an aside glance to Noah. “I got my own ways, yes I do. But what I’m concerned about right now is getting you ready.”

“Me?” Noah asked, right as the two came to the entrance of a large, yellow shack. “What do I have to do with this?”

“Y’see, Noah,” Scoops continued while rubbing his chin. “I told you we was gonna make some ground rules, yeah? Yeah, well this is one of ‘em. If I’m gonna be housin’ you, feedin’ you, havin’ to deal with your scrawny ass out there on the road, helping to deal with those fuckin… promotional videos of yours…”

Scoops reached past the camera, clapping Noah right on his shoulder. “Least you can do is pitch in ‘round these parts and get some work done. So, you’re gonna learn all about the farmin’ equipment for your first day workin’.”

Noah nervously felt a bead of sweat beginning to trickle down his forehead as he processed everything Scoops was telling him, but Scoops didn’t wait for an okay. Instead, he popped his head inside the entrance to the shack, asking in a low voice, “Jameson?”

It took a few minutes, but Scoops popped back out with Jameson - a tall, burly, blonde man with a thick beard along his weathered face and prickly expression about him. “Here he is, Noah. This is who you’re gonna be workin’ with, today. Now, you gimme the camera…”

As Noah slowly shuffled forward to give the camera to Scoops, avoiding eye contact with Jameson all the while, he and the camera were able to peek in through the shack door to find some of the imposing tractors staring back at him.

“I, uh, don’t know if I’m cut out for this…” Noah stammered out.

“You’ll be fine,” Jameson said with a groan and a roll of his eyes. “Haven’t even started yet…”

“You eat the frog, boah!” Scoops shouted back at Noah as he was getting whisked away into the shack. Noah looked back at him like he had three heads, but before he could say anything, Scoops just walked off with the camera as the door closed behind them.

And now, there was one. Scoops pointed the camera right at himself as he trudged on the roads, eyebrows furrowing themselves together in anger. “Jake motherfuckin’ Borden. I know your game, yeah. One of the only wrestlers outdatin’ even me. Too bad age ain’t comin’ with wisdom for you, no siree. Matter of fact, you’re lookin’ like a goddamn idiot with his head up his ass.”

Scoops scoffs, shaking his head as he continues. “You go out there, in front of those payin’ fans, and you’re like a fish outta water, boah. You’re lucky if you don’t fuckin’ trip over yourself out there, the way you stumble around like a jackass. How’s a guy like you thinkin’ you can go out there and do anythin’ worth a damn? Your fuckin’ roster page has an entire THIRD of your moveset dedicated to one move! A move you can barely even hit!”

Scoops curses under his breath, then turns his camera out to the endless fields of farm around him. “I hope you’re payin’ attention to all this, boah. I had to give blood, sweat and tears into maintainin’ this farm, to expandin’ it. Balancin’ this and my career was some hard work, yeah, but I did it because I knew I fuckin’ had to!”

“But the only goal you can ever have is learnin’ how the fuck to construct a goddamn sentence!” Scoops shouts as he turns the camera right back at himself, getting a close-up on his face as he gives the camera a mean mug. “Y’ain’t got no skill.”

“No ambition.”

“No drive.”

“No common sense.”

“No chest hair.”

“And not even an ounce of backbone in you, boah!”

“But we, we’re gonna change that,” Scoops nods. “You step in the ring with me, No Holds Barred, this shit gonna be a matter of life and death. When I’m done on Warfare*, you’re gonna have to learn to survive out there. Lesson number one, Jake - it’s a dog eat dog world out there, and this old mutt can still hunt.”

“Now, you better look deep in yourself. Look real hard, boah. You better find that killer instinct, yeah. If you can’t come up with it by the time we step into the ring together? Then you’re just gonna be my prey out there.”

Scoops tries tapping on a button, but nothing happens. He tries it again, and again, before scoffing as the camera jerks around. “How the fuck do I turn this shit-”

The feed abruptly cuts out.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Scoops McGee in... “The Way of the Land”
Author	Message