The Commissioner's Office

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Mark Flynn Offline

Active in XWF

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The IWC
(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)

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#202

04-18-2022, 05:01 PM

With the showing of the last clip on his ancient flip phone, Clinton full-on spit-takes watching Valenteen and Thunder Knuckles very clearly fake a match three years ago.

He wipes his mouth clean and raises a hand meekly.

“...Your honor, I’d like to request a quick five minutes to hyperventilate in the hallway?”

…The wall says nothing, because it’s a wall.

“Yes, I can make it three. Thank you, your honor.”

…

……

Two minutes and fifty-seven seconds later, Clinton is back. His eyes totally don’t look like he might have been crying.

”Your Honor, if it pleases the court, I’d like to present Exhibits… What letter are we on?”

Clinton counts on his fingers… Somehow that helps.

”Ah! Exhibits F, G and H! Permission to approach you your honor?”

Clinton pauses.

…

Then walks up to the wall to pull down a very old-fashioned projector screen.

He shows some clips in rapid succession, because he's not some fancy cityfolk that's mastered AirDrop.

EXHIBIT F (Footage of Big Money Oswald after the 4/7 Anarchy)

[Image: Zbk0Qjz.jpg]

EXHIBIT G (Footage of Big Money Oswald after the 2/17 Anarchy)

[Image: wndqPM7.png]

EXHIBIT H (Footage of Big Money Oswald after Relentless Night #1)

[Image: ohBtPuZ.jpg]

”Now, you may recognize the subject in each of these clips… As Big Money Oswald! You may also notice his pattern of accusing officials of malfeasance! And his opponents of cheating! In fact, doesn’t Oswald have a tendency NOT ONLY to have a bad temper, BUT ALSO to accuse his opponents of dishonest conduct! And in zero of these circumstances has he ever had to defend these faulty claims of malfeasance in court. Any why? Because there's no evidence to support ANY of these claims! Is this unique circumstance in question today any different than the OTHER times Oswald has lobbed BASELESS accusations after eating a loss?”

…

“Wait, is it any different?”

Clinton checks his hand, where he’s written the word ‘no’.

“No!” Clinton smacks his fist into his open palm. “No, it is not different!”

“Now. Has my client bribed and been bribed in the past? …Yeah, and full disclosure, your honor, I did not know that.” He bows to the wall, again demonstrating his subservience to the Judge Wall.

“But! Both Counselor Graves and I have neglected to even discuss the MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS CASE! The match itself!”

The entire courtroom gallery Lacklan’s Office bursts into audible gasps.

“I present to you, EXHIBIT I! As in, I JUST WON THIS CASE!”

EXHIBIT I: (The Opening Bit)

“Now, if Chaz Bobo WERE bribed, he would probably disqualify Big Money Oswald the moment he brought a chair into the ring…Or when he swings it at his opponent… BUT INSTEAD! He gives Oswald leeway and allows the match to continue!”

Clinton fast-forwards…

…

…Fast-forwarding…

…

Clinton punches play!

EXHIBIT I (part 2): (The ATTACK)

“As you can see, and as both Counselor Graves and myself agree, his client Big Money Oswald has a terrible temper. The kind of temper that COULD have been exploited into a disqualification… but was not.”

“What actually happened was Chaz Bobo, WHO AS DEMONSTRATED IN EXHIBIT H, has dealt with Oswald’s accusations, shenanigans and malarkey in the past… Refused to take it any longer! Bobo stepped up and demanded that Oswald stop complaining and wrestle! And Oswald responded by kicking Bobo with a boot to his face and pummeling Bobo with offensive strikes until he was disqualified… At which he began assaulting… everyone else…”

“My point is this! Does my client have a past of bribing people and getting her way by less-than-ethical means? …Again, didn’t know that before eight minutes ago, but yes. Emphatically, yes.”

“BUT! Is there evidence beyond a reasonable doubt that Vita bribed Lacklan? No. Nor has opposing counsel EVEN TRIED to demonstrate that! Counselor Graves has provided an impressive amount of circumstantial evidence…”

…

…Clinton waits until Graves looks pleased with himself for receiving a compliment.

…

……

There it is.

“BUT NOT ONE SHRED OF PROOF to back up his client’s claims today in court slash office room. Despite Counselor Graves’ ability to provide video evidence of my client bribing many, many… MANY other people… He has not brought to court today anything to demonstrate collusion, monetary or otherwise, between my client and Anarchy Commissioner Sarah Lacklan.”

“Meanwhile, Vita’s counsel, me. Christopher K. Clinton, hello. I! have presented the smoking gun! Clear evidence that demonstrates ONE. Big Money Oswald has a nasty temper! TWO. When he loses matches, Big Money Oswald attacks people physically AND accuses them of cheating, including, in the past, XWF official Chaz Bobo. AND THREE! Video evidence of Big Money Oswald’s altercation with Chaz Bobo mid-match! Not an isolated incident, but the culmination of many matches where the two shared a ring, in which Bobo attempted to assert his authority and Big Money Oswald disqualified himself by erupting into a violent rage.”

“In summary! If you find the proof DAMNING, give Vita and Oswald a match that's Last Man STANDING!”

Having nailed the most important part of presenting a case (that it rhymes at the end), Clinton sits back in his lawn chair, still covered in sweat, but TO REITERATE, he was NOT crying outside just a few minutes ago.