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Unknown Soldier · (07-10-2013)

If GOD were a TACO, then Hunter Payne's promos might be funny!

Unknown Soldier: Well... It's official folks... Hunter Payne has officially given up. That's right, he has literally no rebuttal to combat me with so now he's resorted to simply reciting bible scripture as if that validates his point. Did anyone ever tell you that bible interpretations are nothing but a polar opposite if translated or worded in a different form. I suppose that's what your good at though Hunter... "Re Phrasing things to make them sound good for you after fucking up the first time?" Recycling my own phrases to use against me. Capitalizing the word god to contradict my SATAN! So I've decided to ONE UP you there as well by transposing the word GOD into something 'your kind' SHOULD be worshiping. Ground beef, tortillas, lettuce, shredded cheese, and tomatoes. I see you 'reaching' to grasp hold of anything that might resemble a 'one upmanship' but it's still failing to hit. You suck Hunter. You suck bad."

Unknown Soldier: "Here's a hint. Be a fucking man and face me instead of hiding behind 'TACOs.'

Unknown Soldier: "It's typical of you 'bible thumping' types to resort to quoting bible scripture when forced with the truth and being backed into a corner. The fact is, you can't think of a logical rebuttal to what I have to say so you believe 'bible quotes' are good enough to reinforce anything because hey... It's the Holy Fucking Bible right? Who could possibly contradict the holy writings of TACO!?!?!"

Unknown Soldier: "That's why you keep doing it after all... You know... Quoting the bible instead of facing the facts I presented to you in my previous promo. Nice try, you know 'tip toeing' around things and trying to cover your tracks so you 'thought' I wouldn't be able to lay into you again. Too bad everyone knows that your scripture quoting and avoiding the real subject at hand is nothing but a sign of weakness. For everything I've shot down of his he's just taken in the ass like a Thai prostitute."

Unknown Soldier: "It's pretty sad actually... The way you've resorted to ignoring my remarks and cowering in some religious Jim Jones Kool Aid fun time fuck fest? What next? Dress me up like Linda Blair and bring the pope to cast an exorcism. Come on Hunter, let's put away the dolls, toys, and the stories and get fucking serious."

Unknown Soldier: "As for you telling your monotonous and boring life story... To be completely honest, I'm not surprised somebody had a stroke that you knew. By the end of that little spiel you gave I felt like inducing myself into one. Did that make you depressed that someone close to you had a stroke? Oh... You poor baby... Maybe if you weren't such a depressing little crybaby your father wouldn't have to beat you and your mother wouldn't have to act like a hand job hooker on the weekends."

Unknown Soldier: "The promo you just aired kept me entertained long enough to slit my wrist, throat, and testicles in that particular order! Hey, I had to find some way to entertain myself, because you certainly weren't going to do it. Your nothing but TACO and Joy's little bitch... So, let me ask you... Who wears the strap on when they fuck you.... TACO or Joy?"

Unknown Soldier: "It's time to once again pull apart your verbiage, rants, and ramblings and dissect your idiocy. Nice to see you speaking for yourself this time Hunter, although I have to say I think your slut was doing a better job."

Quote:Hunter: "At first Dante got in my head big time, I lost sleep, I was just so frustrated."

Unknown Soldier: "I understand it's hard realizing you'll never be as good as me; however, weren't you the one who suggested that 'heavy criticism' was going to fly at everyone during this match? Weren't you "prepared to dish it out yourself." I believe you said something like that right? Whatever happened to that plan? Looks like you threw in the white towel on that and the evidence lies in the promo you just cut."

Quote:Hunter: "Because he decides whether I win or lose, not my opponent... Who is your opponent?... He doesn't exist... Why does he not exist?... Because he is just a mere dissenting voice to the truth I speak!" Amen!"

Unknown Soldier: "Wait a minute, so now your saying I don't exist? Sounds like you've been caught up in some serious fantasy, must be that bible of yours..."

Unknown Soldier stabs himself in the chest and begins to bleed profusely.

Unknown Soldier: "See Hunter! I exist!"

Quote:Hunter: "Dante Kyllen I am trying my hardest to save you before it's too late! But you insist on being lost spiritually."

Unknown Soldier: "Please don't worry about sparing my life and just kill me if you plan on airing another one about your love for TACOs."

Quote: Hunter: "Now I don't know if you thought it was, or just felt like not answering. But I want to ask you again. Unknown Soldier Dante Kyllen will you accept Jesus Christ in your heart as your Lord and Savior?..."

Unknown Soldier: "I'm sorry you asked a question? Yes I like sour cream AND guacamole with my TACO. If you ask silly questions, then you get silly answers."

Quote:"So I have to apolgize to my partners, this isn't going to be the comedic Hunter Payne teaming with you guys as we planned."

Unknown Soldier: "Thank TACOS for that Hunter. I thought maybe you were going to downgrade from George Lopez to Carlos Mencia with the direction your sense of humor was heading. I thought you learned your lesson the last time you started whipping out photographs to reinforce your statements. No... not our little genius Hunter Payne... Instead to reinforce his bible study class he's showed me pictures of Saint Michael the archangel stepping on the devil. As before, I can do that too!

Quote: Hunter: So Dante Kyllen, Unknown Soldier, Wallace Witasick, or whatever you want to call yourself nowadays

Unknown Soldier: "Wallace who? I'm sorry I can't hear you with this fourth wall blocking my hearing. Could you maybe break it down for me?"

Quote:Hunter: "See I've been so involved with this spiritual warfare with Dante. That it's easy to forget we still have to actually wrestle."

Unknown Soldier: "You say that like it's my fault, but last time I checked your the one whipping out the book of Revelations. I've been here begging for you to get out of 'Jon Edward' mode and start communicating with the real world. If anyone here can't see that then they should go back and watch the number of times you said 'God' in your last promo, and if they want to get a good chuckle out of it they'll replace it with the word TACO as I have... See Hunter, I can make your promos humorous FOR YOU!"

Unknown Soldier: "Keep up the bible quotes because the only thing it's reinforcing to the XWF is how fearful of Unknown Soldier you really are. You might as well pack up your bags and head back to bible camp, because here in the XWF we face our problems like men rather than hide behind bible scriptures written thousands of years ago."

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