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Ari Silverstein · (04-16-2019)

Ari is hustling his buns down a hallway with his mail cart, listening to some fire remixes he's been working on for his new mixtape on his Beats By Dre.

"Yo yo yo got that flow flow flow they like whoa whoa whoa they don't know know know... damn that's a real bop right there, that lyric slaps like hell."

He finds his way to a locked door, which is weird since his key card usually gets him in anywhere. He's the mail guy, after all. Everyone needs their mail. He decides to just call everyone to come get their stuff rather than worry too much. He's too chill to ever sweat it, na-meen?

"Yooooo, I got a box for @VV here! Just a big cardboard box from Dolly Waters with all her hand me down clothes and ring gear. Pretty messed up she didn't actually mail this properly and instead just dropped it off in my office. That's not cool. Come get it though."

Ari drops the open cardboard box overflowing with girly clothes onto the floor and shoves it aside with his foot.

"Okay, next here's something for @Lacklan ... it's pretty heavy. And possibly double headed. You know, I don't know why so many people are comfortable getting things like this delivered to their jobs, man, that's real whack. I'll just set this here."

Ari drops the gift wrapped, barbell shaped object down to the floor and it bounces.

"Oh it's rubber. Of course. None of my business though. Hey one more thing here... oh, for @Thaddeus Duke ... hey, my bad kid, I opened this one because I'm real into genealogy and whatnot. I saw it was from 23 and Me and got all hype. Turns out Sebastian is definitely your dad. Sorry."

About this time, Ari sees Mastermind. The X-Treme Champion is just minding his beeswax and going about life in general, paying no mind to the mailman. Typical. These big shots always forget about the little people. No one ever takes time from their day to thank the guys who make the business come together as well as it does. Guys like Ari. Blue collar guys. Honest guys. Hard working guys.

"Man BUMP this. I could be a big shot!"

Ari rushes across the hallway then, crashing into Mastermind and sending the champ down to the floor. Ari doesn't waste any time and he overturns his mail cart, burying Mastermind in a pile of packages. The kiwi has no time to react before Ari rips open a huge envelope and pulls out his mail-order referee who drops down next to Ari while he covers the champion and begins to count.

1!!!!

2!!!!

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