I'll bite, but I'm not a judge here or anything.

I read "How to Beat a Mutant." It wasn't bad, but it wasn't super noteworthy either. It is kind of interesting to see characters break down, from a tactical perspective, how to beat someone. But overall the whole thing left me feeling kinda cold and like I didn't have much of a feel for what the characters were all about. Try to write by giving each character a certain "voice", a personality, a motive, something that makes them stand out. You don't have to write a bajillion pages of unrelated backstory, just try to have a more concrete picture of how someone would talk or sound to make the dialogue pop a little more, I suppose.

Hope that helps. Also, I'm not a stickler for it, but color coding the dialogue seems to be a thing here.