(03-06-2018, 11:15 AM)King Vincent Said:

(03-06-2018, 10:48 AM)The Engineer Said: The trash talk was serviceable, though a bit flat at times. I'm going to give you the same advice I give everyone, read back your work out loud to see if your dialogue sounds like something someone would actually say. It wasn't super egregious but there was some clumsy phrasing here and there, like this one:

I think this is really valuable advice for everyone. There a LOT of dialogue sections that sound like robots if you say them out loud. You want to at least be able to hear the person in your head, so if it isn't a natural flow that sort of busts things up. Most often I see this with a weird lack of contractions, i.e:

"I will not do that, we cannot go that way." or something like that. It isn't how people really speak. It's like Data on The Next Generation. People don't obey typical writing rules when speaking, they just throw words out of their mouths.

Other examples are just like Engy here said, if you repeat yourself a lot or keep saying the same thing a dozen different ways, it starts to make less sense. Just play it in your head, or say it out loud. It makes a lot of difference.

Huge pet peeves of mine...writing things out in a way that people don't actually talk. Unless it's their character (Erik does at times), nobody ever say anything like can not or I am going to the store

HEY LOOOK ARE ME I'S AND CUCKCOCK ALL DAYS DERRRRR HUH HUH HUH GKUG GLUG GIMME YOUR SPERM CELL!

My sig got edited to match my overly shitty behavior so now I can play tough guy asshole IC anywhere I go. Except at home where my mother will beat my o-ring to keep me in line.