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"The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler · (12-17-2017)

"Seriously Drew Archyle fuck you with the utmost Christmas spirit. I don't even know who the fuck you are or one single match that you have ever had here. My boy Robby Bourbon seems to remember you as a chumpette with a purty little cock holster. I guess that is something if your into the whole underground sex trafficking business. So how bout I grab you by the throat and tie up your nuts like a rodeo bull for a few! Do I have your attention yet? Maybe my words never will. That is all fine and dandy because where I come from words are just one of the many tools to get someone's attention. Actions for instance. Another tool. Actions that will be on the violent side. Violent side of an ass whoopin that your cock garage is going to leave you on the receiving end of.

Your two boo-boo kitty fucks may have implanted in your head I'm not worth a shit. Well that very well could be true depending on who you ask but your ass best believe when it comes to scrappin' and throwing hands I will square off with the best of them. From the streets, to the octagon, to the sand box overseas. I've been whoopin ass, cashin' checks, and throwing down. You seem like you might like to scrap a little well believe me when I say come War Games you will get the fight of your life. Possibly a shorter-lived return than planned. See I'm fittin' to assault the ring all out, quickly end you shit birds and move on to eliminate the rest of the warriors looking to show the gods exactly what they are made of.

Word is you are fresh out the pen. You must be happy. I bet your ass is glad. Too bad it won't be for too long. If you thought the ass poundings you received in the penitentiary was rough and degrading. That is all snuggle fucks compared to the boom-boom train that is heading your way. I recommend you take your ass out to the store and find some numbing crème for that brown eye gurl! You are about to step into the ring with XWF's hardest, violent, merciless, and dominate DICKS! As soon as you allied with Apex your chocolate star fish was Fuck'D! Splooge zone, Drew Archyle's face! I'll say it once again. With the utmost Christmas spirit, FUCK YOU, Drew Archyle!"

I turn my attention away from one of our drones that is following me around for the Motherfucker's YouTube channel, toward a young man. Late teens, maybe early twenties. He is in a horizontal striped polo tucked into his pants, decent fade, thick dorky glasses, tight skinny jeans with a thin belt, and classic all white reebok tennis shoes. All my attention is given to the man as he grabs a special comic from the shelves of my favorite Michigan Comic Book store. The comic book he is pulling from the shelf is the very first edition of the Motherfuckers Comic Series. Furry Fuckery. That is right with some of my money I've invested in a comic book series based after the world's favorite team.

~Comic Book Cover~

Centered in American flag pattern lettering "Adventures of the Motherfuckers, A Furry Fucking Christmas" snow flakes are melting on the letters and portrayed on the cover as if it is snowing for Christmas. Underneath the title of the comic centered as well is a picture of Robbie Bourbon in an American Flag wrestling singlet, his legendary mask, black wrestling boots and is giving a thumbs up with an enormous Bourbon size smile. To his left is The Engineer wearing a charcoal gray waffle cone long sleeve shirt, black combat boots, a black beanie, a nose band aid, and black jeans. Engy is picking his teeth with a throwing knife and a couple small trickles of blood streaming from his mouth with a wicked smile. To the right of Bourbon is Bearded War Pig wearing a pair of woodland camouflage utility pants, black combat boots, a black under armor long sleeve shirt covered with a black flak jacket, decked out with tactical pouches, and a black contractors snap back flipped backwards with a Motherfuckers patch. BWP is standing in the "grouch oh" stance and is aiming both barrels of his custom fully automatic AR-10 at the reader. Branched off to right of him and arching down the cover is Santa Claus and Mad Dog. Branched off to the left of The Engineer in the same downward arch in smaller pictures is Trump, Pence, and the Prime Minister of Japan. Faded behind them is random secretaries and other countries political figures. Bombs are blowing up with mushroom clouds layered behind it all. At the bottom of the comic book cover rests the bloodied, tattered, and disfigured stuffed giant Rat, Donkey, and Possum heads, similar to the ones used in the Giant Panda head porn.

Being a member of the world’s favorite team. As well as it being the release of our comic book a special Christmas edition one at that, I had to go incognito to find out what our fans thought. After a very short period I had devised a plan to disguise myself as the least known member of the XWF. Drew Archyle. Not a challenging task what so ever, I just found an old shitty apron with urine stain. Then I found a old jean jacket with barf crusted over the front as if I puked from being a light weight bitch ass drinker. A dirty dingy worn mop head on top my head for my dirt bag hair style. Putting my disguise over though is the very small Asian penis I have slightly hanging out of the apron for the public to see.

The disguise works like a charm, I make my way inside the comic book store and no swarm of fans the opposite of when I am my normal self. Getting a small taste of what it must be like being a waste of a roster spot feels like I almost begin to feel bad about the spanking Drew and his clan of cock guzzling Gape X fucks will soon be receiving. Then it hit me like a freight train, I am all out of fucks to give and a devious grin etches across my mouth knowing every bit of pain and humiliation they are going to endure is every bit deserving. I turn to the camera and cross my thumb across my throat before turning back to the man who is now opening the first page of the Motherfuckers' comic.

~Page One/Block A~

The first square of the first page looks like a high tech super hero headquarters. Giant state of the art monitors and towers placed throughout a room of the first scene. General Mad Dog Mattis, Mike Pence, Donald Trump, a handful of secretaries and assistants are on the main monitor sitting around a round table. Robbie Bourbon, Bearded War Pig, and The Engineer are all watching the screen. Robbie Bourbon is eating a plate full of hotdogs while curling three quarter ton rear end axel from a pickup truck with his other hand. Bearded War Pig is cleaning his dual AR-10 custom American Made guitar of death, both rifles completely disassembled on a table covered with a white cloth in front of him. The Engineer is doing a one-handed hand stand while throwing daggers into a target the shape of Hillary Clinton's head allowing him a wickedly depraved smile.

The first dialogue bubble read comes from the lips of James Mattis who is wearing his Dress Alphas and looking stern and sharp as ever.

“Motherfuckers America needs you!”

Next white dialogue box read comes from President Trump's duck mouth.

“Not just America the world needs you boys!”

Vice President Mike Pence’s turn for a dialogue bubble.

“A new terrorist organization has taken military advancement on our congress, as well as a select few other key personnel from at least ten other countries ranging from diplomats to even the prime minister of Japan. They are calling themselves the Furry Fuckers. We're sending you live footage of the scenario. Stand by.”

His laughter makes the tip of my dick tingle, yeah that is right, success gives B-Dubbs the Wiley's. Our first comic book is looking good so far. My hands randomly rummage the books on the shelf adjacent from the wrestling/comic book nerd. My eyes locked on to the fan at least interested enough to move on to the second and not the last scene block on the first page. Oh, you're going to love this. You nerdy ass Motherfucker. My grip on the spawn comic my hand randomly holds begins wrinkling the protective case. Drawing attention to myself. The Comic Book store attendant scowls me with a grunt and a scowled. I release my grip from the spawn comic and give a nonverbal hand and head gesture apology. Luckily my minor inconvenience doesn't draw attention from the fan I am stalking lightly. He is still eyes glued to the first issue of our comic book.

~Page One/Block B~

The scenery around the Motherfucker's is the exact same, they still reside in their badass high-tech man cave or headquarters for more professional terminology. Some things have changed from the first block, Engy has now flipped back on to his feet and tucked his throwing knives back into his boot and his depraved smile has peaked in interest. BWP is finished cleaning his 'Boom-Stick' and is reassembling his custom double barrel At-10 while puffing on a Cuban cigar size Purple Rain (weed strand) filled marijuana cigarette as smoke rolls off the tip spelling out "BOOM," "Oink, Oink," and "Motherfuckers!" Bourbon has finished his plate of delicious all-American beef hotdogs and has tossed the 3/4 ton truck axle behind him like a baseball.

Up on the main monitor is now a scene with three men with a striking resemblance to XWF's members of Apex. Except all three men wear giant stuffed animal heads over their own. One wears a giant rat's head. Second, a donkey's head and the third wears a possum. They are dressed in Rambo meets BDSM slave attire along with more oil than Chippendales dancer would have on their flesh bared bodies. The one with the rat's head has the Japanese Prime Minister tied to a chair with a bomb made from dynamite with a big old red cartoonish alarm clock as a timer attached to the Prime Ministers chest. The rat headed villain is dry humping the Prime Minister, with his AK-47 slung over his back and his fists bumping in the air. The other two Furry Fuckers pace through the rest of the hostages with a double barrel sawed off twelve-gauge shotgun and an AR-15 fully automatic. Both Furry Fuckers' performing sentry duty are wearing assless chaps glitter and cum stained farts plop out of their loose boy pussies.

The first white dialogue bubble read comes from the Rat.

“Oh yeah Prime Minister, me love you long time, but only if you demand King Vincent to make the Motherfuckers throw in the towel against Apex at War Games. The best XWF stable ever, who I am one hundred percent not a part of or affiliated with, cock ring promise!”

The second bubble belongs to the Prime Minister of Japan written in Japanese.

"Why you suck at wrestling so bad and why you rape me?"

The third white bubble comes from both other two members of the Furry Fuckers.

"None of you politicians try and funny business. Both of us are masters of being taken from the rear!"

The next bubble read, comes from Robbie Bourbon’s mouth.

“With the power of the people the Motherfuckers will send those conniving villainous Furry Fuckers back to Hades asshole pubes where they came from!”

Following bubble comes from Bearded War Pig.

“I suppose this means open season on furries!”

Last bubble in block B is attached to Engy.

“So these bastards want to get weird? Then a weird fucking they shall receive!”

More and more customers begin to pick up the comic and begin reading along, many share long laughs. Not a single soul in the jam packed Comic Book store could care less for the Drew Archyle look alike. Nor why would they when something as awesome as the release of our first issue. My stalking soon becomes sporadic as I bounce from curiously reading fan to another, obtaining their emotions and mannerisms as they read my creative project. Our creative project, that has taken an attachment to my interests. I mean look at me, I am willing to walk in the shoes of a loser to get our fans true feelings and opinions. Not cool.

~Page One/Bottom Block~

Robbie Bourbon, seen with a fresh hamburger in his hand, looks at the monitor. His speech bubble takes up some space beside him.

"Well, these big-time meetings always have great chow and all, but these oily furries are harassing freedom and capitalism pretty bad. The fucks. Tastiest barbecue pork chop sandwich I've had in decades. DECADES. Now we must go deal with this complete pack of knob jobs who like to put ranch dressing on a dirty poop chute instead of requesting a simple shower before tossing their particular salad, picking their teeth with days old dingle berry laden asshairs, praying for a fart to get all the drippin's they missed."

Behind him, past the speech bubble, we see Trump, Pence, Mattis, and the secretaries look disgusted by the self-ringing human centipede the three Furry Fuckers contorted themselves into nightly.

Everyone reading the first issue seems to be enjoying themselves so far. So basically the whole store, as I scan the crowd, I notice the clerk is beginning to grow impatient. His foot begins tapping as his eyes jolt to the sign on the wall that says no reading comics until purchased and then back to the customers reading comics they haven't I get snuggled up close to my next stalk. My tiny fake Asian penis is gently rubbing her leggings as I look over her shoulder as she begins to turn to page two...

To be continued...

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Adventures of the Motherfuckers, Issue #1:
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