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**Vincent Lane** · (06-16-2017)

I enjoy that it's dialogue heavy - that helps a reader keep a brisker pace and kind of envision his own scene along the way. "Show, don't tell" is always a basic rule of fiction writing, and dialogue is generally the best way to do it.

That said, there are quite a few characters to keep track of here, which is realistic, but can be slightly confusing. The color helps there, as well as the formatting of the words on the right and left.

All in all its a fun read,not a burden at all, and like Duke said I think it does a fair job of letting us know who Matty is. Intro RPs are tough since there's nothing to do but start from scratch... it's like how every super hero movie has to start with an origin story.

Good job though, I think the character has a lot of potential. I like naive, flawed characters. They are more interesting, usually.

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