I'm sorry my friends but I have to get this out before it eats me alive and it doesn't work IC with Caedus to rhyme. This is for my parents and for all of you who have guilt/heartbreak over your own unfair and/or dark circumstances in life.

A lot of us aren't always the best sons or daughters in the eyes of our mothers or fathers. A lot of us do stuff to piss 'em off, to disappoint 'em... Sometimes we lose a parent or both parents before we have the courage to own up and apologize to 'em. I missed my chance, don't miss yours, no matter who or what it applies to, we all have scars, pain and guilt.

"Eulogies"

(Verse 1)
Dad, I remember you teachin' me how to swim
Actin like a giant squid an' tryna scare all the neighborhood kids
An' I remember family road trips
Nevada, Colorado, Illinois, swingin' down through Missouri
Hittin' every trap set up for corny tourists
Fartin' 'round through the South, seen the states by the age of six
Always got me bigger toys for Christmas
I remember bendin' corners in that Power Wheels Convertible Classic
A happy man, loved 'is family, spoiled it
until in '88 Fed-Ex bought 'is employer, laid 'im off an' it ended
In the words of "Lefty", "That was that."
Happiness sacked
Sanity whacked
Health failed in 92, Iife it Iacked
Watchin' it all fall apart wasn't the plan
Diabetes and heart surgery soppin' up the nest egg 30 grand
And now _how_ could my father feel like a man?
Unemployed and disabled, forget wearin' 'em, my father had LOST the pants
Dad, you weren't mean-spirited, you were just mad
Good times had flipped to bad
Luck had gone flat
And dad I finally understand
And through it all you still spent time with your son
Goin' to movies, watchin' wrestling, pop I thank you for everything that you done
I often return to your final years
A fateful kick in the rear, losin' your leg and gaining a wheelchair
Can't escape finding you dead, brings the tears
Wish we'd told the hospital to fuck off, see if you'd wake coma-clear
But now you're gone, moved on and too late now I apologize
For all the fights, the lies, with love while I eulogize
......now I apologize
For all the fights, the lies, with love while I eulogize
I eulogize

(Verse 2)
Mom I know you ain't too happy right now
Even though you're up in heaven, in perfection, lookin' down from a cloud
You see your sunshine livin' out of a car
No movie star
A failure so far
Physically, mentally scarred
You did everything you could and it's true
You kept me headed towards a future but I simply didn't listen to you
I disappointed you for smokin' on weed
And got involved in other things that sabotaged basically everything
And after all you had set up for success
I pissed it all away, long story short now I'm caught in this mess
I know it's hard for me to think you're proud
But knowing you, "My son is still gonna make it, you'll see," is what you're yellin' out
A million memories of you but the ones
that stick out the most are how you always defended your youngest son
It's not a secret you'd defend to a fault
Because your unconditional love locked up the truth like a vault
For that mom I just can't thank you enough
Times have been tough
And since you've gone your son has seen the world is cruel and it's rough
There'll never be another person the same
And I hate hearing your name
'Cause I compare and they all fall on their face
Without my father I became a man
But losing you made it feel like this man became an orphan
Now there's no grandma for my future kids
They'll never know what they'll miss
Never experience the magic I did
I blame me, quote Biggie, "mama's got cancer in her breast"
But it's my fault for all her cancer-causing stress
Mom I'm sorry for me causing your death
...for all the stress and your death I'll make it right or never rest
Mom I'm sorry for me causing your death
...for all the stress and your death I'll make it right or never rest

Do whatever it takes, any depth, pass any test
I love you both so much, I'll make it right or never rest


Thank you for viewing this. I love you XWF fam. I'll awkwardly take my leave of this thread now.