XWF...

XW fucking F.

The unmistakably raspy voice of Tommy Gunn is heard as the scene fades in.

As the camera finally comes to focus we see Tommy Gunn the new Director of XWF Security being flanked by two men of equally brutish builds. Both men are wearing red shirts with the word "Security" written in Black on the front of them.

What's going on XWF? Long time no talk.

You know it's amazing how much of a shit sandwich this place turned into after I left.

What used to be the pinnacle for wrestling federations the world over became a hot bed for basic bitches and fat pieces of shit like Peter Gilmour.

Oh wait my bad. It seems as though ole Pety went through his yearly rapid weight loss program and now he's skinny again. This fucking guy adds and sheds weight like he were some Hollywood actor. Guy still hasn't learned to act like a decent wrestler though. But I guess there is something comforting about knowing that Peter Gilmour will always be the same. Right down to the disgusting piece of ass that he's currently tapping. Christ Gilmour, of all the disgusting pigs you've put your millimeterpeter into this new chick is without a shadow of a doubt the most disgusting of the bunch. I mean, I honestly thought that was a guy in drag until Vinnie had to explain it to me. Gross.

You know there was a time when the people that headlined this place were some of the biggest names in the industry. Guys like Doc D'Ville, Gator, John Madison, even the head of the negro revolution Trax and of course the new owner of the XWF Vincent Lane. Some of the biggest and best wrestlers on the planet, they were the guys holding the titles.

Now what? I've been gone seven months and I come back to find that Peter Gilmour won not one but two titles?

A wet fart like Ghost Tank won the Hart Title? And is now the longest reigning Hart Champion of all time? Ghost fucking Tank. If you were to look up blood stained tampon wrapped in a shit covered condom in the dictionary it would simply be a picture of Ghost Tank. And now he's the longest reining Hart Champion...How the fuck?

And Scully...fucking Scully, a guy who cuts promo's that are so sleep inducing that Doctor's across the world are now recommending it to patients with Insomnia as some kind of miracle cure. He's this fed's top Champion?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Wasn't that long ago that fucking idiot made other look like they belonged in Mensa, how he's the Universal Champ.

Vinnie...how in the fuck did you let that happen? I know you're the guy that lost to Peter Gilmour more times than a Chicken Parm sandwich but what the fuck?

I guess this sort of bullshit is to be expected

A 14 year old girl is a champion...A FUCKING 14 YEAR OLD GIRL...now granted it was hilarious when my nephew beat Peter Gilmour in a match. I loved it. You loved it. We all loved it. But let's be real here. It was Peter Gilmour and it was just a match.

But this...

A 14 year old girl is a champion here? What in the fuck is going on?

I guess it's not all bad though. Now we all know for sure that Poppa Waters is in fact terrible seeing as how his 14 year old cock sucker for cah is already twice the wrestler that he ever was.

But don't worry Muddy, your daughter hasn't taken everything from you. You are still the biggest bitch in the family.

Speaking of bitches, what in the actual fuck was that Thaddeus Duke promo about? Kiddie fucking? Incest? When the fuck? Was Thad Duke really Pest under that mask?

How in the fuck is that kind of shit even allowed? I thought you had a tighter lid on this place Vinnie? Get it together "dude".

God damn that felt good.

Alright now let's get to the meat of it.

Since I've been back a few people have asked me what exactly my role is here at the XWF and while I thought Vinnie made it pretty fucking clear on Warfare exactly what my job is it appears that he didn't make it clear enough. So let me break it down for all of you.

If you get lippy with the boss you get a beating.

If you get to close to the boss or his girlfriend you get a beating.

If you decide to get real brave and actually put your hands on the boss oh my God will you get a beating. And then after you eventually wake up from the coma that I put you in you'll get another beating just for good measure.

Long story short, fuck with Lane or Roxy and you deal with me.

And for you new comers that aren't exactly sure what all that entails, just ask your former Xtreme Champion and XWF legend Unknown Soldier. You know, the guy that held the title for a day short of six months, only to lose it to me 15 seconds after I showed up.

Oh and to whichever dried up cum stain wins Doc D'Ville's rumble and becomes the next Unified Xtreme Champion...you're welcome because you know as well as I do that that shit wouldn't have been possible without me doing what none of you other fucks could do and that's pin Soldier.

Happy hunting bitches.

OOC: Just so we are clear the things above are the thoughts of Tommy Gunn and not me the writer. Except the part about Peter Gilmour's new girlfriend. She is in fact gross. Grosser than the chick from In This Moment and I honestly didn't think that was possible. Peter bro, we need to have a talk about your taste in women.