Doctor Louis D'ville: "I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend!"

High above the trees, mountains, and sky, there is a void beyond the reaches of time and space in which stands the tallest skyscraper tower that has ever known to exist in this world. The peak of SATAN! sanctuary. Dark secret evil lair of Unknown Soldier and his girlfriend's campaign headquarters, future president of the United States Hillary Clinton. The wind at this high altitude travels at the speed of nearly a thousand tornadoes, nearly drowning out the screaming voice of Doctor Louis D'ville who was pleading with his tag team partner to not leap to his ultimate demise. Unknown Soldier, is standing with his feet halfway off the edge of the tower leaning backwards with his demon dick stuck in the window of a top floor office building. It would appear that if he were to open said window that his weight would send him tumbling backwards to meet his certain doom. Doc leans outside a window nearest where Soldier is hanging out of and extends his hand to try and pull his tag team partner inside the tower.

Unknown Soldier: "But, I'm never gonna get it Doc!!!!!!
Never get to feel the wet wholesome wonders!!!!!!
Never get to taste it's sweet delicious delicacy!!!!!!
Never get to smell it's succulent scent!!!!!!
I'm never gonna catch that sweet, sweet Diff!!!!!!
NEVER!!!!!!"

The wind begins to howl and pick up in speed as the gods in the heavens themselves may even be attempting to blow their arch nemesis to his demise. Soldier's dick slips out of the window just a little bit, but still manages to hold firm and keep him from falling backwards off the tower to his death. This increase in wind speed is why Soldier had to increase his voice even louder than Doc had previously, and has absolutely no hidden meaning in it at all whatsoever.

Doctor Louis D'ville: "But you will! I told you I'm hot on the trail of that Doctor Diff character that made you immune to it! I promise to not rest until I find his true identity. Then we can find the antidote and destroy him!"

The wind dies back down a bit as Soldier seems to look a bit re assured by Doc's statement, but is still very reluctant to reach out for his hand and return back inside the tower.

Unknown Soldier: "But, what about my match on Warfare! I'm not even in the main event like I have been for the past six months! What reason do I have to live if I'm just fighting Barney Green in some mid card match!"

Doctor Louis D'ville: "What?!?! You gotta' be kidding me!"

Unknown Soldier: "Nope, dead serious! Call Vinnie and ask him!"

Doctor Louis D'ville: "Fine...... just...... just...... hold on."

Unknown Soldier: "Tell that to the 'Green Dream'!"

Doctor Louis D'ville: "What?!"

Unknown Soldier: "Yes, you see, I've named my own genitalia the 'Green Dream' now because I've finally decided to start learning some submission moves and not just be some high flying ape swinging around the ring anal fisting anything that I please. I need to be more like a wrestler, especially if I want to win in this kind of atmosphere in this match against Barney. So I looked at Barney Green's submission finisher, The 'Green Dream', the cross face chicken wing, and decided that I would improvise on his move by wrapping my dick around my opponents throat, rather than using the forearm like him and forcing them to submit. I intend to use my trouser anaconda to wrap around his big fat neck and choke that mother fucker until my SATAN! seeds splash all over his face! I also don't have a secondary finisher and it's about damn time that shit changed, and also just in case Mr. Lane decides to throw me in some more of these regular matches without Xtreme rules."

Doctor Louis D'ville: "......and what will you be calling this maneuver?"

Unknown Soldier: "The Wet Dream."

Doctor Louis D'ville: "Right...... right of course. So you named your genitalia after his finishing move in honor of Barney Green when you use this version of his finisher, but with your dick. That might also explain the reason you might be trying to stretch it out like this"

Unknown Soldier: "Bingo! And also, you gotta get around the copyright infringement lawsuits somehow, Doc. This way Barney will get credit for every time I perform the maneuver. It's also impossible for him to copy the move in the way that I do it, I mean, have you seen the size of that fat man's tiny cock?"

Doctor Louis D'ville: "It might be nice for him too, to get some good exposure and get his name out their in a positive way while you dominate the wrestling world with this new finisher. You know, with you being a XWF legend and all and he's just primarily known as being a fat loser."

Unknown Soldier: "Ha! Good one, Doc! Now, call Vincent what the fuck is taking you so long!"

Doctor Louis D'ville: "Sorry, I lost my train of thought there for a moment thinking about how fat Barney actually is. That's a lot to wrap your mind around if you know what I mean."

Unknown Soldier: "Don't lie Doc. You were looking at my dick, weren't you? That got you distracted."

Doctor Louis D'ville: "I told you about this before, stop being ridiculous."

Unknown Soldier: "It's ok to like it, Doc!"

Doctor Louis D'ville: "Fuck you!"

The Doctor pulls himself back inside the tower and slams the window shut with a bit of anger.

Unknown Soldier: "Why won't you love me, Doc!"

Doc faintly hears Soldier's last cry and responds by throwing up his middle finger at the glass window while pulling out his cell phone and dialing the XWF owner's phone number on his cell phone. Doc listens to some horrible Quiet Riot song while waiting for Vinnie to answer.

Vinnie Lane: "Meh...... What's up Doc!"

Doctor Louis D'ville: "Wow, that's really cute, you think you're not the first person to ever pick up the phone and say that to me?"

Vinnie Lane: "Make it quick, dude. I got people to meet, places to go, matches to make, and bitches to bang."

Doctor Louis D'ville: "Did you actually not book Soldier in the main event on Warfare? What's the deal with that Vincent! I mean, come on! You better be putting on John Madison vs. Sid Feder afterwards or else what the hell sense does this make?"

Vinnie Lane: "Chill, bro it's not that big of a deal."

Doctor Louis D'ville: "Not that big of a deal? Are you kidding me, Vinnie? Soldier is standing off the edge of a skyscraper about to kill himself right now because you booked him in some meaningless mid card match against Barney Green. He says he has no reason to live anymore because of this, also mixed in with the whole C-Diff fiasco which I'm sure that you're already fully aware of."

Vinnie Lane: "Well Barney bought a dream match, so he's going to have to just deal with it. You know what, I'm actually starting to get sick and tired of his constant nagging and bitching about such minor things and being so over dramatic about it. If I didn't know any better, I was beginning to think I was dealing with that whiny crybaby Ghost Tank here for a second."

Doctor Louis D'ville: "You dare insult an XWF double champion like that?"

Vinnie Lane: "Doc, dude, don't let that child with monkey brains fool you. Let the man jump, I'm pretty sure he's like a cat or something with 666 lives."

Doc hangs up the phone and then sits in silence for a moment, staring away and avoiding turning around and facing Unknown Soldier. The Unified Xtreme Champion noticed Doc hung up the phone and is banging vigorously at the glass from the outside and trying to get Doc's attention on the inside of the tower to find out what Vinnie said. Doc still stares away not reacting to the growing pounding and screaming from Soldier on the outside of the glass. He closes his eyes and leans back into some sort of trance state, pondering deeply into his brain for a solution to this problem and how to get Soldier down from the tower's ledge. His eyes open, a smile cracks across his face, and he nods his head while mouthing out loud....

Doctor Louis D'ville: "Ghost...... Tank......"

The Doctor then turns around abruptly and leans back out the window of the tower, to see a drooling Soldier who was lapping with his tongue hanging halfway out his face. Still leaning backwards with his dick stuck in the window and threatening to take his own life by opening the window completely and thus detaching the only part of his body still clinging to the tower. Too anxious to hear if Doc had rectified the situation, Soldier blurts out first before Doc can say anything.

Unknown Soldier: "Well, did he fix it! Did he put me in the main event!"

Doctor Louis D'ville: "Unfortunately no, and in fact he even gave me worse news."

Soldier pulls the window open just slightly and briefly, and thus his male member slides out a bit further, forcing him to lean even further backwards and stretching his dick out even further. Just the very tip now still stays mashed in the window when he goes back to close it abruptly. This done because Doc is able to yell out just in the nick time to stop him from releasing his manhood from the last bit of window still holding him against the tower.

Doctor Louis D'ville: "But wait! You must know this! Vinnie Lane says that if you kill yourself because of this stupid match with Barney Green, then he'll have no other choice but to forfeit your half of the tag team titles and force me to tag with Ghost Tank!"

The look of pure shock and astonishment on Soldier's face is most definitely a Kodak moment indeed. His jaw drops and he shakes his head in pure dismay.

Unknown Soldier: "I wouldn't wish that horrible scenario on anyone, Doc. I'm coming down right now."

Doc reaches out and the two latch hands. He then tries to pull Soldier up and into his window, but very unfortunately Soldier's hands were far too slippery from working up a sweat pounding on the glass trying to get Doc's attention earlier. Soldier plummets to the earth below, but before he does his stretched out genitalia flails just above where Doc released him. Doc could probably totally grab onto Soldier's demon dick and possibly pull him up that way again like he did before, but we're all pretty sure he's sick of playing that game. Instead he just flails the flapping parts of Soldier's stretched out dick around his head in disgust until finally all of it drops with the rest of Soldier body to the ground below.

Doc, although disgusted and frustrated with Soldier's sick gayboy games, is still quick to react and find out the fate of his tag team partner. Who may be possibly smashed to smithereens on the sidewalk below. So he rushes back inside the window of the tower and runs down the hallway, frantically hitting the elevator buttons to get the doors to open and when they finally do, standing right there in front of him chewing on a carrot is none other than.....

Unknown Soldier: "Meh...... What's up Doc!"


"So Barney Green thinks he's going to do the impossible, huh? What's that, lose two hundred pounds? I mean seriously, this guy should try and face that impossible task before he even thinks about stepping into the fucking ring with me and believing he can win! My dream match is to see him wrestle with trying to eat a Jenny Craig diet for an entire year. Because that's the only reason this match has fallen upon me. Because Barney Green lays in bed at night touching himself thinking about me while probably shoving markers up his ass for all we know! Well, it's NOT a fucking pleasure to fulfill your sick fantasies for me Barney, because of YOU I have to settle for mid card matches and get billed higher on the ticket. You see, fat ass, for the past six months I've been the main event star attraction of Warfare every two weeks and it's only because of your droopy butt that I have to settle for less. Your fat is like a life preserver pulling me further up the fucking billing of the card and I don't like it!

That's the big difference between you and me, Barney, and why you stand absolutely zero fucking chance of walking away the victor in this match. I'm a natural born winner, in fact, nobody can even remember the last time I lost. You, on the other hand, are pretty much the human embodiment of failure. Instead of telling me to stare deeply into your eyes and see the craziness inside, maybe instead you should take a deep look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what you see. Because when I look into your eyes, I see nothing but sadness, loneliness, and shame. Which is exactly how an overweight, never was and never has been washed up wrestler should look and feel. Especially one that's got himself into a whole lot of mess by challenging yours fucking truly to a dream match. You're even quick to admit yourself that you're a run down old jalopy of a man just fueled by the cheering fans that are happy to clap and laugh while watching a fat drunk chaw chewin' idiot make a fool of himself. Believe me when I say this Barney, the people ARE actually laughing at you and NOT with you.

Oh, and by the way, can somebody get this guy a fucking teleprompter? I understand your drunk and as high as any man could be on chewing tobacco. But for SATAN! sake get your act together and form a cohesive argument that you don't have to repeat numerous times throughout your entire spiel to the point that you just sound like a cow mooing off in the field eating grass and making the same monotonous bullshit noises over and over again. You're going to hurt me and not feel bad about it, we get it already. Now, go be a good little cow and sit back in the corner and provide me some milk from your fat tits! You've got a bunch of tricks up your sleeve, yeah tell me some more about it over and over again. You better be careful about making analogies like that, especially if you keep gaining weight. Because eventually their won't be a shirt size big enough for you and it will be impossible for you to reach up your sleeves because of all those jelly rolls, fatty!

Also, another fun fact that Barney Green has failed to mention is that I've already beaten his sad pathetic sickening self in a match a long time ago. Yes, it was a handicap match in which Greggo and I easily vanquished the fucking fool known as Barney Green. But I guess for John Black's episode of Shove-IT he felt like that would be the only fair way to offset the weight advantage Barney had on us. Even though I doubt the two of us combined are even still a long ways away from weighing the same as one of him. But not this time. This time it will just be the two of us and some other wearing a referee uniform. I really hope you come out to Warfare and give it your best my BIG buddy.

For just one match, I want you to come out here and give it your all and show the XWF world what you're fully made of and that you're not just a fat tub or lard. Just...... one...... match...... You may only have the drive and will to give it your all in just one match, and of course you chose me, because I mean, honestly look at me and my double championships and all the badassery and who wouldn't?! But maybe what you failed to realize is that I give it my all in every single fucking match! Including this one! Hence the reason where I am today and why you will always be so far below me. I didn't hold the Xtreme title for six months straight now, longer than anyone else in the history of the XWF, by not giving it 100 fucking percent every single SATAN! loving minute of my life. I am the ruthless one, not you, and I will be the one delivering the destruction on Warfare and not him. No Barney, you didn't get yourself a dream match. What you bought yourself was a mother fucking nightmare!"