Yeeeeehaw! Howdy their my little SATAN! lovin' folks! Is everybody ready for another rootin' tootin' Unknown Soldier super spectacular extravaganza! Well then, let's just jump right in on the action and forget this opening song that has no bearing to the actual story itself!

Greggo: "So I shipped off the dildo to Peter Gilmour for $6.66 like you said, Soldier. After all, he was the only one to bid on the thing so I guess...."

Unknown Soldier: "After the millions of millions of Soldier fans, I knew Peter would be the one to bid the highest, he's always been my biggest fan. Hell, I suppose Mia Yim's penis isn't enough for him anymore. I'm sure he's packin' but this thing is 12 inches long my friend. Twelve inches of hard titanium steel, not even Mia Yim's hard cock could compete with that!"

Greggo: "Maybe you're not hearing me quite well, are you sure you cleaned all the Maria Brink and Hillary Clinton menstrual blood out of your ears after your match with Peter last month? Because from the smell of you, I can still catch a whiff of that dried crusty ovaries DNA still lingering on you."

Unknown Soldier: "I took that one shower out in the dessert that one time, before my match with Alexis Riot? It's probably because I've been bathing in bloody stool samples all week, still trying to catch C-diff. I even combined it with some of that Aids from Maria Brink, figured that might loosen up the white blood cells in my body a bit, make me a bit more susceptible to all diseases?"

Greggo: "Um.....ok, but like I was saying, Peter is actually the ONLY person to bid on the dildo, so it wasn't really millions upon mill....."

Unknown Soldier: "So the fans are enjoying our new interactive experience. I knew they would, kids and folks these days like to get up out of the chair and walk around. Mostly to catch Pokemon, even if we think it may quite possibly be the gayest video game ever made, that still doesn't mean that we can't copy their ingenius business plan. Plagiarism is cool these days, just ask Melania Trump."

Greggo: "Fine I'm just going to come out and say it.... The XWF is getting sick of your disgusting behavior. They want to make some English twat the new Xtreme Champion. That's why they booked this match with his stipulations, and in his OWN COUNTRY! You see Soldier, their sick of your shit. Their sick of menstrual blood, their sick of being fisted up the ass, and most of all, their sick of C.Diff."

Unknown Soldier: "Well I don't even have C.diff! Why do you have to keep reminding me! WHY!"

Greggo: "Seriously, we're back to this again? Did you not hear a word I just said about anything?"

Unknown Soldier: "Of course I did, now, how are the bids looking on that dildo for my super SATAN! Soldier fans out there?"

Greggo: "Jesus Ch...."

Soldier, whose back was turned to Greggo, now abruptly faces his manager with a look of pure hatred in his eyes.

Unknown Soldier: "What the hell were you about to say?"

Greggo: "Sorry man, it just kinda slipped out."

The hatred is gleaming in Soldier's eye. The fire is burning in his belly. His erection is full on raging boner.

Unknown Soldier: "Get the fuck out of here, and say 666 HAIL SATAN!'s before you go to sleep tonight!"

Greggo: "Aye' aye' captain!"

Greggo salutes as if he were in the army, and marches out like a soldier on his way out the door, his voice slowly fades away in the distance....

Greggo: "One HAIL SATAN!...... Two HAIL SATAN!............ Three HAIL SATAN!.................... Four HAIL SATAN!



"Well, here I go again with another match where my opponent has little to nothing to say about me all week. Come on now pussy, you going to spew a bunch of nonsense a few hours before we meet here in a last ditch effort? Something about how I'm some kind of goat fucking SATAN! loving queer bag that's practically a walking zombie? Come on, hit me where it hurts <img src="https://i.imgur.com/pUgtAVa.gif"> I'm begging for someone to hit me with something. I mean, even in my Federweight Championship match, all those whores and idiots had plenty to say, that was until I stepped up to the plate and shot down all their weak attempts to verbally assault me. Which is what I'm assuming is the same problem that Mr. MacBITCH! is having. Poor guy got his feelings hurt when I smashed his bullshit life and story to pieces in a matter of a few phrases.

Do you really want to be an Xtreme Champion? I doubt it, more like an Xtreme Bitchampion! Haha! Peter would fucking love that one! Fact of the matter is you are a washed up case, Christopher. Your time as being remotely relevant is over, and you know why that is? It's because you met me. You see I exposed you for the fraud of a tag team champion you are, and Ghost Tank exposed what kind of a fraud Hart Champion you were. You lost your title to fucking Ghost Tank!? You know, something that clearly didn't happen to me when he stepped into my world and tried to take my title. The world of Xtreme. You see, I am the true Xtreme Champion and the greatest of all time. I haven't done my research yet, but I'm willing to bet that I'm closing in on the longest reign in history. That's what you should do for me, Chris.

After I'm done pounding you down at all your favorite bars, while all your best <img src="https://i.imgur.com/pUgtAVa.gif"> buddies mates watch me. You should become my secretary, look up specific statistics I need and inform the public about how fucking awesome I am! Basically put the term bitch in your last name to good use. This really isn't even going to be a contest for me, and guess what? I believe this is my fifth defense since winning the title, secretary MacBITCH, look that up for me please! Yes, yes indeed it is, which means I will acquire yet another briefcase. Problem is, bitchy boo boo, I'm having too much fun splashing around in the feces and menstrual blood here in the Xtreme Title division.

I mean, look at how lame that fucking match stipulation is for Vinnie and Scully. Climbing ladders fifty feet tall? Are we fucking firemen or are we wrestlers? Climbing a ladder doesn't take any skill. Now, shoving a twelve inch dildo up someone's ass, stuffing someone's orifices with loose clothing, drowning someone in a pool of menstrual blood. These are real tests of strength and virtue, and exactly what it means to be a true Xtreme Champion. Peter might have held this title more times than me, but I highly doubt he's ever held it for as long as I have. Look that up secretary! You see, I am the most Xtreme and creative mind to ever hold this Xtreme Championship. We need to re-brand this place as the USWF. The Unknown Soldier Wrestling Federation. Because, if I hold this title much longer, my fucking name will be in synonym with the word itself. The world will have to re-print every Thesaurus in the world replacing the word Xtreme with Unknown Soldier."