Alright, I'll try, I hope this is helpful.

it was a tad bit short, but that's always fine as long as the point gets across. I thought the dialogue was well written but it needed more visual effect. We see the dialogue but throwing in descriptions and actions can really help us visualize the roleplay unfold as we read it. I loved the idea behind it, losing a friend. You can go a lot of places with that and I'm eager to see where you head from here, but basically just give us more. Detail, detail, detail (: Hope that was beneficial

RECORD:
4 WINS
2 LOSSES
0 DRAWS