John Madison picks up the Head of John Madison and tucks him under her arm.
HOJM: "Don't listen to this bit-"
John Madison pats HOJM on the forehead and he freezes like a statue.
John Madison: "Peter Gilmour, it was never about you being fat. It was really about you being excessively foolish.
I don't have a problem with fat people. In fact, I've taken fatties under my wing before. Let me elaborate on that. See, I would take these fatties into the gym, Peter, and I would push them to their limits. Often two out of five of these people would make it out alive and be what I considered "good" fatties. Good Fatties were the ones who
cared about improving their situation. The ones who demanded fucking respect despite their hideous appearance. They
cared about taking their fitness and health to the next level instead of sitting on their couches, eating chicken Parmesan Hot Pockets, and failing athletically in every way possible.
Peter, think back to what you ate in the last 24 hours. How many calories did you consume over that amount of time? How many miles did you traverse? Do you even know how far a mile is?
You can't tell me, can you?
You can't tell me because you don't care and because you're lazy.
You're too lazy to get in shape, and as a result you've failed to improve in the ring.
But oh wait, you got a tummy tuck!
Oh, Peter. Those temporary solutions never work out. They can cut away all the excess tissue and shove pills down your throat, but none of it will solve the core issue. You'll be back into the same old eating habits if you aren't already. You appear to have already thrown the towel in by accepting Fatback Filmour's challenge where if you lose, you agree to put back on all your weight.
Why, Peter?
If this weight loss of yours was legitimate, then why do you feel the need to accept some random fat asshole's stupid challenge? Does your losing correlate with weight gain? Why is facing Fatback Filmour so important to you that you'd be willing to dive right back into your old eating habits?
The only possible answer is that you already have. After all, what do you have to lose if you've already buckled and are back to eating twelve cheeseburgers a day? I bet you can't wait to have Fatback "get up in you."
Not only that, Peter, but I recall several occasions where you tried to convince us that you WEREN'T fat. Yet here you are getting tummy tucks and promoting matches in which you "get your fat back."
Back to my point about temporary solutions. How did that temporary solution work out for you, Peter? I see that you've managed to pick up an X-Treme Title for yourself. I believe you said this is your 11th reign, correct? That's great and all but...
Why, Peter?
Why after all these years do you continue to settle for the X-Treme Championship?
Do you actually believe Sid when he tells you that the X-Treme Title is the most difficult championship to hold? Don't be stupid, Peter. Look at the lineage of that title and you'll see that it's also the easiest title to obtain. Personally, I didn't need it. I carried it for a grand total of seven days and forgot that I even had it.
Instead, I went straight to the top, Peter. Why? Because I was motivated, bitch. I don't settle for second rate. I climbed that mountain, picked up the X-Treme Title along the way, and then tossed that shit behind my shoulder and continued my ascension. Oh, i'm supposed to hold the X-Treme Title and wait two weeks so I can get a shot at the United States Title? Nope. I said "fuck the United States Title," and went straight for the crown. Oh, six weeks as the X-Treme Champion earns me a briefcase? Hmm, I think I'll just beat everyone in a match instead.
I accomplished in six months what you've failed to accomplish in the many years you've been with the XWF. I even took a month-long break in between and had to deal with stupid inter-promotional war bullshit.
You want to know why I can accomplish all of that and you can't, Peter?
Because you're fat.
You're one of those fat people where the fatness goes beyond just poor physical conditioning.
Just look at your career, Peter.
It's all fat.
Hart Title? What's that? An old title that no one cares about anymore? Allow me to explain, fat boy.
You don't see WWE's Jeff Hardy or Christian running around bragging about that one time where they won the WWF Light Heavyweight Title. The only person who I could see doing that is Gillberg since that might have been the highlight of his career. Yes, Peter. You do in fact come off looking like Gillberg whenever you run around flaunting your XWF Hart Title reign.
Not many folks care that Gillberg won the Light Heavyweight Title, Gilmour. Just like not many folks care that Gilmour won the Hart Title.
So Gillberg-- I mean-- Gilmour, go ahead and
tell me more about your reign as Hart Champion.
All those title reigns mean nothing in the long run, Peter. It's all unwanted fat that you've put on over the years.
Eleven reigns as the X-Treme Champion means that either you went on to pick up eleven reigns as United States, World, or King Champion, or you have an incredibly low ceiling. Hmm, I don't see any US Titles or crowns in your record so that narrows it down a bit.
The sad thing is you've had so many opportunities, Pete.
You could have turned things around after Lethal Lotto when you beat those three guys, or at Gauntlet City when you beat me in the six-man. But you didn't. You fell back into the same old lazy habits. For a second, I actually believed that you might make something of yourself as I laid there on the ground with your foot on my chest. I thought, 'hey, maybe after all of these years Peter finally gets it.'
A couple of weeks later, you're back to being a big fat loser while remaining a placeholder for the Trio Titles. You then allow yourself and your fiance to get picked on and tormented for months on end. What kind of a man lets another man call his fiance a man? You then lose Wild Card Weekend to my lackey, Luca Arzegotti. You lose the King Match after having to put in zero amount of work to earn it. You even took two weeks off beforehand in order to prepare for it.
Peter, you quite possibly have the worst story in all of professional wrestling. You're so terrible that it's funny. It's Gillberg-funny. Having Peter Gilmour in XWF is like having Gillberg wrestle consistently for three years straight. We see you wobble down to the ring and we think 'shit, wouldn't it be hilarious if this
actually won?'
Peter, just look at the tag line of the match for fucks sake:
Quote:OMG can you imagine if Gilmour wins that would be so epic
Even the dickhead in charge of the show is laughing at you. It's almost like throwing Gillberg in a match with Rock and Austin and saying, 'holy shit, what if this idiot actually wins?'
You're an unintentional comedy act, Pete. I like to laugh, and that's why I like having you around. That's why I like to bully you. And now that I've got that pesky crown off of my shoulders, I can do more of it.
I've got so many ideas rolling around in my head, Peter.
One where I let you run with the X-Treme Title for five weeks, six days, 23 hours, 59 minutes, then I take it from you... only to hand it right back. Does that sound like a fun game to you, Peter?
Or maybe I recruit all these ridiculous Peter Gilmour parody characters, put them under my control, and see which ones I can get under your skin the most with.
Speaking of which... Peter, I know you're convinced that i'm the one responsible for Payback and Fatback giving you shit for the past couple of weeks. Peter, I wish I was the man responsible for such characters but I'm not. These recruits are just ordinary people trying to have fun at your expense. They must see how pathetic and weak you are and think to themselves 'hey, I can pick on Peter too.'
Shame on them!
Peter, I'm not sure why you even accepted this match where "trash talk" is being brought to the forefront. You've got nothing good to say, Peter. In fact, I'll go ahead and do your trash talking for you.
Gilmour: "fuck you maddy, u fucking cunt... i always knew you were a pussy and a . The only way you can beat me is if I'm dead and sadly YOU CAN'T KILL ME! SUCK MY DICK! ;) ROSE IS WOMAN IM NOT FAT HART TITLE!!! WAHABRAHGBAHRABAAHBAHB"
As for Sid... I don't know. What is there to say about Sid Feder? He's the European Champion again. How exciting. He's making another group. How exciting. He vows to shred through The Black Circle. How exciting.
What the fuck, is this a repeat of March or something?
One of the Feders talks some shit, wins a title, forms a group, promises to destroy Black Circle, and let me guess... disappears again while I keep chillin'?
Ah whatever.
Tell me more about how you're going to grind us all up like everyone else does, Sid.
I believe last time it was the super group of Unknown Soldier, Donathan De Sade, Mr. Satellite, Poppa Feder, Tyler Decker, and like five others who vowed to put an end to The Black Circle which was down to myself, Luca, and Shane at one point.
Then there was The Connection...
Extreme Revolution...
The Brotherhood...
And now this again.
My question is why?
Why do people want to end The Black Circle so badly? Why do you all constantly refer to us as tyrants and whatnot?
People complained about my "tyrannical" reign as king, yet they're happy to see Theo Pryce, who might as well be my incarnation, rise to power. Idiots like Gilmour who talk about how they now have a king who they can respect. Peter, Theo is from the exact same group as me, you moron. You fucking, fucking, fucking, FUCKING moron. Who's letting you
run roll around with a microphone?
Smoke Man, Sid Feder, and the rest of you talk all that shit about how bad we are for this company because we "hold you down" or some shit. Are you fuckin' kidding me? Didn't look to me like we held down John Austin when he beat Eli's ass for the US Title. Sid Feder didn't seem to have a problem cashing in his briefcase that Shane allowed him to have. And last time I checked, Duke and Griffin; and ESP, Tri Bute, and Jessie Diaz are not Black Circle members.
No one is holding you morons down. You're free to do as you please.
We're not as evil as you all make us out to be. Shane
could demand that all of you turn in your belts tomorrow night and make you wrestle without pay if he wanted to.
But Shane
is a fair person. He'll let you keep your titles, your briefcases, and your paychecks.
People come up to me and tell me that Sid is forming a group that looks to tear through The Black Circle. I say, good for Sid. Let him recruit all the non-female, non-"cock blowing" men that he can find. I'm sure Tony Santos will come around, keep trying Sid.
If Sid is looking for a match with The Black Circle, all he has to do is open his mouth.
Personally, I have nothing to gain anymore out of wrestling Sid Feder. I humiliated him by having a young lad by the name of Benjamin Crane defeat him in a ladder match, spearing his wife off a stage, and sending him into hiding. He pretty much blew his whole load on the humiliation thing at Gauntlet City. And now he can fuck off to Madness with the European Title and deal with Luca and Space Cock for all I care.
I've got no crown Sid. Why are you coming after me? Go bug Theo.
Yes, I have a vagina.
Yes, I love cock.
I mean, if you want, we can spend the entire week talking about my thirst for semen. Is that a priority for you?
Or you can quit being lazy and go chase after a title that isn't reserved for second rate talent. (YES, JUST LIKE LUCA! YES, I HAVE REFERRED TO HIM AS SECOND RATE MANY TIMES BEFORE.) I swear, you've got the same thing going on that Peter does with the X-Treme Championship. What is with you guys who refuse to advance your careers? You
actually let Theo Pryce, a guy with a measly five victories, win the King of the XWF Championship.
You see, Peter? You're not the only one who's a lazy bum. Just look at your father there! In fact, tell him to quit running around with that goofy ass US Title like it means something.
(12-08-2013, 10:21 AM)3xB+Hx2=4HK Sid Feder Said: Take me out of this match and put me in Radio's match so I can kick the shit out of him and Conner McDickbag. I'm looking for a quick and easy win at this fucking house show -- it's a house show.
Meanwhile I wish you luck, Madison.
I accept Sid Feder's formal surrender.
Take him away, Shane. I'm done with him.