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Atara Raven · (11-27-2022)

Maybe we were fresh from a commercial break or you were just tuning in, who knows, but the all to familiar backdrop of the ESPN sports desk illuminates the screen. Futbol and football is all the rage currently with Vinnie Lanes LFL and the World Cup being either in the beginning stages or in full gear so naturally our majority male demo is tuning in for all the football and futbol news their minds can handle but our 24/7 news cycle and sports coverage anchors are missing.

Empty anchor chairs...spinning.

Empty.

Spinning.

Empty and spinning.

Empty

Spinning.

As if if someone was just there and suddenly for one reason or another disappeared to do something else. Better maybe?

Maybe not?

Who knows, but these chairs are empty and spinning like dj turntables and no news is being blasted at you like it wouldn't be repeated on every broadcast from now until the next football player caught a charge or the next futbol star didn't sign with AEK because they can't handle Super League Greece.

Maybe it wasn't even a news thing but a topical setting for a promo were a married couple were really snide and witty and commented on the card of a premier live event. Like in a parody fashion that everyone would totally get because we all watch the same shit and definitely get all the inside jokes. Especially the innuendos, like how a Canadian's D-fense really pounded my spread offense and I couldn't stop him from going deep or all the other football puns I stole from tik tok in the storyboarding of this thing?

Maybe there would have been albino jokes, prison jokes, nerdy virgin jokes, maybe some actual sports statistics with regurgitated wins and losses and highlight reel footage of past promos to pick apart kind of like a normal promo but better because it was themed and topical but we already covered that part at the beginning.

Maybe?

Did we?

Idk but these chairs are still empty and spinning and there's no anchor telling any vibrant, verbose, detailed, fanciful version of someones imagination.

They sure as hell ain't making pigeon puns.

Maybe it would have been the best sports coverage of all time. Maybe it would have been the best sports parody of all time.

Maybe someones wife should stop signing her and her husband up for stuff and then goes to get shit faced at the club when it times to work?

Or maybe she should be a little more cold hearted and fuck over a competitor when they're partner drops the ball?

These chairs are spinning.

This room is spinning....

I'm off my face I don't know where I am....

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Dadada, dada....uh wut?
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