The Road Unseen and Ongoing Part II

Happiness

Two days following the conclusion of XWF Relentless

There was an uneasy air in Avanlanche HQ. The bustling confidence of their leader had been shaken on a deep, public level after the draw with Drew Archyle, revealing something unsettling to all involved: that the "Nefarious One" was not some alter ego that had taken Ned over, but one of his own design, albeit steeped in a heavy denial and a heap of alcohol abuse. Steven Cooper had watched Ned come back to the HQ, rattled by the revelation, but still unable to admit anything had happened, choosing instead to lock himself in his room with a case of liquor and block out the tones of the outside world with a low hum of ambient music that barely blared out. Most everyone had left the headquarters due to stubbornness of Kaye to stay isolated in his makeshift tomb. It was Steven and Ned's psychiatrist, Urias Pheelanruff, who had stayed, however even their reluctance to leave was beginning to wane. Moonlight cast shadows of empty shelves across the living room as Cooper shook a few pills out of a bottle into his palm, lifting his head backwards to allow the medicine to tumble down into his mouth by the sheer influence of gravity before taking a swig of water from one of the few glasses Ned hadn't gathered into his room. The two men were illuminated by the light of the large flatscreen TV in front of them, playing Ned's most recent match, highlighting his walking out of the arena with a look of pure disappointment.

"He's really not in a good place right now, is he?" The doc asked, unusually sullen given his typical embrace of goofier methods of therapy and rehabilitation.

"No," Steven replied weakly, waiting on the painkillers to do as their namesake implied, "he's not."

"Well, we won't really be able to do much 'till he finally steps out of there. I was thinking maybe we could go for minigolf or see a movie or- oh, I know! There's this Chuck E. Cheese clone nearby and we co-"

Coop gave Urias a glare as his babbling became more predictable, silly "solutions" that served to solve little more than the good doctor's boredom.

"That ain't gonna help shit, doc."

Urias fidgeted slightly in his chair, holding himself as reality crept back into his sights. He sighed, hunching forward slightly as he looked downward, a feeling of uncertainty growing in his chest.

"I'm just trying to get him out of this place to be honest. It's not good for him being holed up in his room! And we can't stay here forever, Mr. Cooper... and once we're gone... who knows what happens?"

Steven felt some of the intense soreness in his body calm with a sensation akin to a gentle hum. It was the most relief his battletorn body had seen in a lifetime of wrestling or, at least, it was the closest to feeling relief he seemed capable of achieving these days. He lifted himself up, his bones creaking slightly as he stood on his two feet. Pheelanruff, for all his misguided attempts at therapy, was right on the nose in this case. Being in there was killing Ned. And Steven wasn't about to watch another friend in this industry die as he stood by.

"You're right, doc. He needs out of there. I'm gonna get him."

"Mr. Cooper, you know that's a bad idea with all this stuff going on! You could make matters worse!" Urias attempted to get in the way of Steven, but even with chemo and the natural wear of time, Steve towered over Urias, who gulped at truly realizing the size of the man.

"I'm goin' in there. You stay here and wait for me-" Steven hesitated mid-sentence, readjusting his language mostly for his own sake, "wait for us to get back."

Steven stepped down the darkened hallway to Ned's room, the slight glints of moonlight disappearing into stretched, thin strands that could only reach so far into the depths of Avalanche HQ. The photos chronologizing the creation and growth of the faction adorned the walls, but were left in shadow, barely visible in the all-encompassing dark that swallowed this part of the building whole, leaving only one room at the end of the hall. One door with one man behind it, meandering sounds of synth and piano cascading the inner walls. Steven lifted his arm, little stabbing tingles covering the skin of arm, a numbness accentuated by a distinct feeling that coursed through it as he knocked the door softly. The sounds of each soft knock were gunshots in the dull, droning empty soundscape of the end of the hall. Ned's voice was raspy and quiet as he answered.

"Fuck off."

Steve frowned, but he understood the impulsive response. With a burrowing exhale, he spoke towards the door, his own voice strained in ways.

"Look, kid, it's just me. We gotta talk about you've been... gettin' along," Steve kept his tone low and his cadence soft. He had never been great at talking all nice to other people, but he had a decent grasp on the concept.

"There's nothing to talk about, Steve. Leave me alone."

Coop rolled his eyes, forcing a bit more patience out of himself as he responded, "Sure, there is. What about the future of Avalanche? What about what we're getting paid from now on? C'mon, kid, you know there's a discussion to be had."

"Future of Avalanche? There is no future of Avalanche. I split the rest of what I have amongst all of you. I don't care anymore."

"Could you-," An annoyed huff left Steve's lips as he struggled to speak, his frustration peaking, "Could you cut that shit out, Ned?! Nobody thinks you're actually gonna do anything cuz' you just keep talkin' 'bout it! You wanna implode so goddamn bad? You wanna die? Do it! You don't have it in you, kid!"

There was a quiet intensity as footsteps towards the door got louder until the locks were violently undone and Ned yanked the door open, smelling of cheap liquor and looking halfway dead. There was a glazed-over look in his stare and streaks of stained skin beneath his eyes. He glared at Cooper with a deathly seriousness that cut through the weariness of his face.

"You don't know anything about me!"

"I know you're in denial! I know you want to be all these awful, no good, shiteating things, but at the core of it, you're just some kid with a few attitude problems and a fear of being a failure! And the one thing you were good at, being an upstanding guy, you failed the hardest at! And I know that eats you up inside!" Steven spared no words as he looked down at his friend. He took no joy in yelling at him, but it was heartbreaking to see Ned in this state and he wasn't about to hold back. Ned shook his head as he desperately tried to find a response, anger covering his face as he screamed back at Cooper.

"Do you know what you were when I found you and your useless surrogate son?! YOU WERE NOBODY! Nobody gave a damn about you except for Centurion making jokes about your death! I gave you that! I made you something! You were just some washed up, old nobody on the verge of death! You're disappointed in me? GOOD! Why don't you go fuck off and die, Steve! Go take your disappointment to the grave just like Dad did!"

Ned's voice strained as tears broke through his rage, his body crumbling to the ground as he wept into his own hands. The root of all of this behavior came from a fear of obscurity and a desire to separate himself from his worst, most selfish, thoughts. But everyone saw him for what he was now: someone who did the wrong things out of desperation and now had to face the truth. None of this brought him respect or happiness. This isn't what his father would have wanted. He trembled on the ground as Steven picked him up and gave him a soft hug.

"Ned, you have a problem. Shit, you got a lot of 'em, but I need you to trust me right now. I ain't a good guy, but I can do something good for once."

"And what's that?" Ned struggled to speak the words through his sharp inhales and sniffling.

"I can try to help you be what you really are again. How's about you go sit in the car and I'll be out in a sec. I gotta talk to Urias."

"Where are we going?" Ned asked.

Steven thought of an answer and gave him a smirk, attempting to lighten the mood a tad, "Chuck E. Cheese."

A light chuckle escaped Ned as he nodded, walking with Cooper to the living room before heading towards the garage. He overheard one final thing Steve had said before he was out of earshot.

"A few days ago you said you know some guy who could help him, doc? Who?"

---

Present Day

Ned shot awake in the motel bed, shakes coursing through his body as he reoriented himself, the inexpensive sheets clinging to the sweat of his bare chest as he uncovered himself. He slept in a pair of workout shorts that doubled as pajamas for his purposes, pulling himself out of the bed as he glanced over to the other bed in the motel room, Darcy sound asleep in it as he rushed to the bathroom. He clumsily stepped inside, failing at remaining as quiet as possible as he turned the faucet and watched a stream of water begin pooling in the sink, cupping his hands underneath the flowing liquid and splashing his face. His mouth felt incredibly dry as the shakes got worse, water messily covering the counter and floor with each splattering of fluid to his cheeks. He could sense the urge returning. There was alcohol somewhere nearby in the building and, even though he wasn't even actually sure if any was anywhere close relative to him, it was as if the stench filled his nostrils with a scent that was more enticing than intoxicating. He gulped, his breathing unsteady as he rubbed his damp cheeks, fighting the feeling back despite its continued pull over him. He remembered how it felt to be sober. To not think about drinking anymore, but it was all so distant now. More recent was how it felt to be drunk and while it wasn't a pleasant feeling, there was still an undeniable appeal.

"Ned? Are you okay?"

Ned turned his head as he was hunched over the running sink, seeing Darcy standing in the doorway of the bathroom, a drowsy look in her eyes. She had a blanket draped over her shoulders, covering a pair of comfortable looking sleepwear that covered her thoroughly. She yawned, trying to fight off the style of rest that Ned could only hope to achieve once more.

"Yeah, Darce... I'm fine. It's just... it's nothing," Ned deflected. Having the addiction have any pull over him at all already made him feel weak enough, but telling others was always another story entirely.

"Well, could your nothing please be quieter?" Darcy responded in a snarky, yet humorless tone, "It's really interrupting my beauty sleep."

"I'll try to keep it down. You go back to bed and I'll figure this out." Ned stared into the mirror, still not used to seeing his own reflection in this way again. No Nefarious alter ego staring back. No "other voice." Just him on the other end gazing back. His voice was sulky, nearly detached from the world surrounding him. However, his eyes trailed across his reflection to find a small scar adorning his arm, one he had managed to earn in one of his many matches. Just another symbol marked onto his body that signified his brokenness. Darcy tilted her head, a concern for the strange wrestler pulling her more firmly into consciousness as she approached him slightly, crossing her arms.

"Well, you already woke me up, so if you need to talk, now's as good a time as any."

"Look, I can handle it-," Ned turned to look at her, seeing her disapproving and skeptical expression slice through him as he placed his line of sight to the counter, tracing a finger across the wet surface as drops of water slid down his face.

"Some nights this just happens. Everything's fine for a while and I just start shaking... these withdrawls as I have to bunker down and focus on anything else but drinking. And it's tough. It's not that drinking will make me happy or anything like that... it just helps me feel something whenever I feel empty inside. I guess the sad truth is that a part of me would rather feel horrible than nothing."

She carefully nudged his shoulder as he stared at his vulnerable form, providing him with a soft smile, "Join the club, buddy. You're not exactly alone in that. N-not that I'm trying to say your addiction and personal issues mean nothing! But a lot of people need something to feel, regardless of what it turns out to be. You'll get through it. Buddy, I saw you stay yourself after going through the most mindfucky stuff imaginable! It won't be easy, but it's a day at a time sort of thing. And if others don't think you can do it, they can go to hell. Your happiness and what makes you happy is really your business, as long as it isn't hurting people."

Ned nodded, looking back into the mirror and noticing the scar once more. And where it had previously felt like a mark of failure, it now seemed more an indicator of humanity, something Ned struggled to recognize in himself lately.

"Th...Thank you, Darce. I... I kinda needed to hear that."

"Well, I only said it because I didn't need to hear you while I was trying to sleep," Darcy narrowed her eyes, teasing him a tad after saying some particularly mushy stuff that kinda made her want to vomit a little, regardless of the fact that it was said in earnest.

"Hey, how about we take a break from the XWF-related obligations and do something fun tomorrow?"

"Like what exactly?" Ned asked.

---

---

---

"SKI-BALL!" Darcy pumped a fist into the air as she found a pair of machines, rushing over to them in the crowded arcade they had visited. It was no Chuck E. Cheese, but that was decidedly a positive. Kaye stepped towards them with a delicate set of movements, awkwardly standing next to her as she loaded both units with a few tokens.

"So, if I win this, do I get the X-Tra Belt or something?" She stuck her tongue out at Ned, doing small stretches as a pre-ski-ball ritual of sorts.

"It's called the X-Treme Championship. And no," Ned dryly responded, watching as the sets of balls clacked into place for both machines as Ellis rushed to start rolling a few and try scoring some points.

"Well, I wouldn't be the first girl to try to win that thing off you... y'know, you really should have said something to her," Darcy mentioned as she struggled to get her form down to score 100 points, instead getting a lot of duds.

"You mean, Vita?" Ned responded, focusing more on the reliable points in the center of the board, racking up a fairly high total half way through.

"Yeah, her! She seemed really crushed that you didn't say anything to her. If you wanna rebuild your reputation, you're gonna have to reach out more. You can't stay an island like you have been," Darcy stated behind a few grumbles as she wasted the last of her balls on a measly 20 pointer.

"What am I supposed to say? "Hey VV! Remember that I lost my shit March of last year and fell apart? Well, I'm better now! Get off me because I plan on keeping this title!" Or maybe I could go with, "Long time no see, VV! I'm still not sure how to get over my regrets over how things went down with me, but I did end up saving your boyfriend from being tried guilty of murder in a sham court!" That one could work," Ned replied whilst rolling his eyes, down to his last two shots.

"Well, you should say something! And also, you cheated by going for all the easy shots!" Darcy lectured him with a half-serious tone as Ned's eyes narrowed. With a deep breath, he adjusted his form and took the final two shots, making two 100 point throws in a row, much to the chagrin of his friend.

"And still X-Treme Champion-," Kaye began.

"Oh fuck offffff," She chuckled, shoving him somewhat before getting ready to put a few more tokens in, "I don't know how you can be talented enough to copy people and get all thin skinned that some dorks are calling you a pussy."

"Oh, it's not that. They're using my name and likeness without my permission and, while normally I don't mind that much, I don't stand for anyone with even the slightest bit of association with BoB making money off me. People are going to say whatever they feel like about me no matter what. It's what internet trolls do. They pretend not to care about anything so they can bad mouth everything and play the charade of having "no agenda" or being "evenhanded." It's bullshit meant to enable the desperately insecure."

"Oh. I getya. Well, I'm sure you'll take care of it easily. But before we leave, I am kicking your ass at this damn game!" Darcy repeated her ritual, trying to convince herself that it would have worked if she had done it right the first time.

"Go ahead and try, sister," Ned responded, preparing for the next game. A smirk covered his face, and, for a fleeting moment, Ned remembered what it felt like to take enjoyment merely in the company of a friend."

---

"Welcome back to Being Your Betterest Self! I'm Ned Kaye and today's subject is happiness and what a complicated subject it is!"

Ned paced back and forth on the stage in front of the audience. His suit was incredibly dapper, although he was visibly uncomfortable in it, looking a bit trapped in its clutches. Adjusting the collar slightly before continuing, Ned sighed at the overly formal attire he was forced to wear once more.

"Now, what can make someone happy? Well, a lot of things! Some people gain happiness by looking for self-improvement or more intangible concepts like love or dedication. For example, I pursued becoming a professional wrestler because I grew up watching the XWF and after many years I was able to achieve my goals. It hasn't always been the smoothest, but I made it to the place where those I both admired and detested did combat on the most important stage of all! That's why being the X-Treme Champion matters so much to me. I represent the company and the roster in a way that most other roster members simply don't and the belt doesn't make the wrestler. Rather, the wrestler makes the belt, so to speak. It gains value because I give it value which is probably why you want it so much, even though it will be worth little more than a cheap bribe in your hands."

"What else can bring people happiness? For some, like you-know-who, it's becoming insanely bitter and holding grudges for an entire year! I mean, you had plenty to insult and belittle me for in the present, but no sir, you were so assblasted that I made a fool out of you that you basically wrote a bunch of trash talk a year ago and then said it the first opportunity you had. Buddy, it's probably a better idea to focus on nowadays because that was much closer to when I made you look like a giant joke right before the only relevant part of your career. See, happiness for you isn't actually achieving anything or putting yourself out there; it's a desperate attempt to make others feel bad about their paths."

"If you haven't noticed, I didn't say a word about being a good person because in my humble opinion: I have not earned such a label yet. You obviously were projecting so hard about fooling other people to your true nature that you assumed everybody else does this. I didn't know if people would cheer for me or even if they should, but I did know one thing: I was going to push myself to become better for my own sake. Not for yours, not for the fans. This battle is my own and while I might be my own worst enemy, you're not even in the top 20 on that list. So, sing a little song and dance about my problems and pretend to understand them while demonstrating thoroughly that you don't."

"But the pity is that none of that rhyming, two-timing, steadily declining routine is going to get you anywhere. It won't make you happy in the same way that having a little "brotherhood" never brought you an ounce of joy. You are vacant of the capacity for growth. You are a human who has chosen to be emotionally stillborn and yet you can't understand why the only thing that makes you resemble feeling "good" is trying to tear others down to their core. Hell, you had to dig up to a year ago to make me look bad. To make you look bad, I just lift up a mirror pointed your way."

"So, how do you live with all these feelings and conflicting emotions? Well, that's the exciting conclusion to our three-part series: Peace of Mind! It's a tough get, but some of us are willing to roll with the punches. See you next time on... you know the damn name, guys."

Ned carefully takes his microphone off before being talked to by the production staff to remember to say the name of the program.

"You can't run from yourself."