Sitting in bed next to his luscious and lovely woman is none other than XWF owner himself, Vinnie Lane, and the beautiful Roxy Cotton. Both are quietly sleeping in their king-size, bright pink heart-shaped luxurious bed sleeping peacefully and graciously in one another’s arms. You would think this picturesque scene would be something out of a Home and Garden magazine that some kid on acid drew after attending a Winger concert. All is wonderful in this scene and one might feel very tranquil nestling your brain and thought processes within this perfect picture of a perfect world.

This is…..

….until a dark cloud begins traveling over the horizon with a look of rotten and putrescent fear evident and with a snarling dissident sound that it makes to let its ominous presence be known. The wind begins to howl and the rain begins to fall as if an ever-looming storm begins to make its sinister way toward this immaculate scene to disrupt and rape it of all that is good. The cloud begins to shadow the circumference of the earth in a very startling and abrupt manner until suddenly the sun is completely blocked out, and the scene becomes the dead of night in the early hours of the morning. A cloud as black as the night has cast a shadowed curtain upon the world and swallows all that is decent and humane in an instant.

Lightning cracks the sky and awakens both Vinnie and Roxy, startled and confused by the abrupt noise and disturbance. Struggling to gather themselves in the dark after the sudden burst of light, another crack of lightning reveals that Vinnie has vanished. Roxy reaches out for him but he is nowhere to be found. She throws covers all over the place but can not find any trace of Vinnie to any avail. She grabs a handful of the covers and balls it in her fist and begins to sob profusely. She shakes her fists at the open windows that are flailing about in the wind so violently almost like a poltergeist was throwing them off their hinges and screams…..

Roxy Cotton: “Not today SATAN!”



Vinnie Lane wakes up transported into the middle of a courtroom surrounded by hooded monks with tiki torches lighting up an otherwise pitch-black room with black benches and black chairs and black podiums. He turns around to see a room full of freaks with melting faces and mutilated limbs and other body parts. A full-blown freak show of spectators that look a lot like one of those enemies in that sweet new Elden Ring video game. He turns to his left to see what opposition on the other side of the courtroom waits for him to face and he already should have predicted and knew what was going to happen the instant he allowed him to return and more of this black magic mind fuckery he was far too accustomed and annoyed by in his past.

Unknown Soldier: “IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT, VINNIE!!”

Vinnie Lane: “Damnit, I should have known it was you with this B-level horror movie bullshit introductions and Lovecraftian tropes.”

Unknown Soldier: “Quit pivoting from the pivotal points here and let’s get down to brass tax here buddy! Why did you hide the tapes of my previous promos and then embarrass me on live television last Anarchy!"

Vinnie Lane: "Dude, nobody cares about your previous promos because you were gone so long and they were so irrelevant that they disappeared. It's like your PornHub account, if you don't log in for a while you lose all your favorites!"

Unknown Soldier: "Did you hear that, your honor! Slanderous libel lies leaking from this loser's mouth! I demand my $666,666,666 in reparations!"

The camera and the entire room including Vinnie pan their vision to the judge sitting on top of a red throne. It is a chimpanzee with devil horns banging a gavel harder and faster than a teenage boy with his first boner and making grunting noises.

Vinnie Lane: "This is ridiculous, you embarrassed yourself last week when you turned your lips into a vacuum cleaner on mini morbid bumhole."

Unknown Soldier: "Burn this witch for using his voodoo magic on me to put me in such a despicable predicament. Sentence him to death by douchebaggery and burn him at the stake! I do not lose and I do not suck ass!!!! This is all the work of this scum and his secret plan to undermind me and sabotages my gracious and long waited return."

Vinnie Lane: "Seriously? You of all people accusing me of witchcraft? I honestly didn't even know you returned until I heard you were sucking my talent's anus like sucking a fart out of a hot chick's ass. You're lucky mini Morbid doesn't turn you into HR for sexual harassment."

Unknown Soldier: "You're lucky I don't turn you in for sexual harassment, because you just raped my legacy by booking me against these two losers next week. This suckerin' succotash Stevie McKeown has dry and dilapidated humor like something out of a fucking Monty Python movie? You're about as cool and funny as that new Bill and Ted movie. Something to look forward to but then it's a real letdown. When it's all said and done and you realize that you're nothing but a replica of the stereotypical good guy. A regular Rocky Balboa if you will. I can't wait to get you in the ring and show you something a little different and a lot bigger than Ivan Drago."

Soldier drops his pants and waves his demon dicked member helicopter style.

Vinnie Lane: "Get me the hell out of here."

A pair of annoyingly small and sparkling red slippers fall at Vinnie's feet.

Unknown Soldier: "Put them on and smack them together and tell us there is no place like home Dorthy, you know the drill dipshit!"