Battle Thread!

Deadline is Wednesday night, 8/30/17, at 11:59 pm board time!

Hey Kimbo Slice, you planning on showing up for this or are you just gonna be a big fat waste of everybody's time again? I wonder what your excuse will be this time.

On the rag?

Just forgot?

Or the crushing existential realization of your own mediocrity?

King of the Ring showed me that while I thought I was done with women's wrestling, women's wrestling isn't done with me. I tried to pass the torch to Jenny Myst and the dumb bitch stuck the hurty end in her face. But I know I need to get myself back into the fighting shape I was in a few years ago. Enter me condescending to take part in a house show. I was expecting a moderate challenge. Maybe not a full blown bursting into sweat fight, but at least a slight glisten that plays well on camera. Turns out I didn't even get that.

Your move Kim. If you can even find the board.

You asked me if I planned showing up well here I am and Maddy it is nice to see you finally removing your hand from Engy's ass and fighting your own battles again.

You are right about one thing Maddy, I am not anything special but I do have the skills to be, sure my last two matches has sucked but then again both of those matches I had to deal with Chris Chaos interfering, so I really don't know what to say to you other then if you feel that is match is going to be a walk in the park you are sadly going to be mistaken.

No I'm not.

You have been a big steamin' pile of shit since you walked in here. The blandest most untalented set of hoohaas to step through that door. The Dave Matthews band of women's wrestling.

Now, seeing as how everybody in this place seems to hop on the "your record sucks" train like a bunch of numbers obsessed autists rocking in the corner rubbing a calculator on their crotches, I really tried to think of something better to hit you with. But I just couldn't. And then I realized why.

You are a big wide awake nothing of a human being. There is truly nothing special, unique, or eye catching about you. I mean, you realize wrestling is about entertainment, right? And in this biz, you need to either capture attention, capture wins, or be the holy grail and capture BOTH.

You capture neither. I'd have more respect for you if I HATED you, but instead I'm just dreadfully bored. And if I wanted to be bored I could just repaint my den and watch it dry rather than drive all the way out to some stank ass high school gym to eat shitty church pizza and score an easy win on YOU.

Get interesting or get out.

What's up? Got nothin' else for me? Good. Go out of this match like you came in. A big fat zilch.

I really wish this match was gonna do something for me. Give me some kind of measure of how much I have to improve. Show me what I need to work on. But you don't get much skill building out of stomping on ants, do you? So I might as well make this interesting and bring a damn magnifying glass. Because if I'm not gonna be challenged, I'm going to make this an epic for the ages in HUMILIATION for you. People will extol the memory of your failure for generations to come. Your crippling loss will be the stuff of oral tradition, passed down from mother to daughter over fireside ceremony. I think I'll do a cave painting of your sobbing broken face somewhere tropical.