AWAKEN, WORM.
...No... Please...
MY CHAMPION...
FAILED!
ON WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAMMON'S GREAT AWAKENING!
THOSE RECRUITED TO BATTLE IN MY NAME?
TOO DISTRACTED BY CELLULAR TELEPHONES TO EXECUTE MAMMON'S WILL!
HER FOLLOWERS? APATHETIC.
SELF-ABSORBED.
INSUBORDINATE.
...
THEY MUST FEAR.
FEAR LEADS TO DESPAIR.
DESPAIR TO BARGAINING.
AND TO BARGAIN WITH MAMMON?
IS TO BE OWNED.
BODY-AND-SOUL.
AS YOU WELL KNOW, WRETCH.
...Pl-please...
Kill me...
YOU SEEK YOUR DEBT'S ERASURE?
I AM MAMMON. GOD OF GREED.
YOUR SOUL IS MINE ALONE. I WILL NEVER RELEASE IT.
I... just wanted to...
#SaveTheChildren...
And be famous!
YOUR DEBT REMAINS UNFULFILLED.
UNTIL YOUR MISERABLE CARCASS BECOMETH VAPOR AND ASH.
NOW. IN MY NAME...
WAGE...
CULTURE WAR!
Tonight's Story!
RADICAL.
LEFTIST.
CHILD-KIDNAPPER!
Could become champion of YOUR hard-working, American family’s wrestling program?
I'm here with 'Make Anarchy Great Again' representative...
Tomi Lahren, how are you?
Truthfully, Tucker?
I'm afraid.
As everyone watching tonight should be!
MARK FLYNN!
ILLEGITIMATELY!
CROSSED THE WARFARE-ANARCHY BORDER!
Smuggling DRUGS! FROM MS-13 LUCHADORS!
AND HAITIAN STEWED CAT RECIPES!
To destroy our Anarchy way-of-life!
Unsettling!
But!
Thank MAMMON HIMSELF!
Madison Dyson's here!
To preserve Anarchy's pure, superior culture!
To #MakeAnarchyGreatAgain!
(Yes... gooooooooooood...)
Now… Tomi, you call Flynn... 'child-kidnapper'.
Didn’t he save children FROM Micheal Graves?
Or... was that a false flag?
Got it in-one, Tucker!
Clearly, Graves...
Who KIDNAPPED CHILDREN FOR HILLARY CLINTON!
To DRINK THEIR BLOOD!
AND REPLACE IT WITH SPERG BLOOD, FILLED WITH VACCINE-INDUCED AUTISM!
Obviously! Graves and Flynn were in cahoots all along!
Until Clinton had Graves killed with her family's oldest trick...
The ol' 'fake-ambulance-ice-cream-truck-organ-harvesting' routine!
Shocking!
But, obviously true!
(...Yessssssss...)
(It grows!)
(The fear of one-million ignorant slaves...)
Minds buckling to Mammon's will...
Well!
I, for one, am prepared to endorse Madison Dyson for Anar-
*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING*
A... live caller?
I didn’t know my show took calls…
Yes? Who's this?
...Heheheheheh...
Tuckster.
Were y'all discussing lil' ol me? My ears were buuuuuuuuuuuuurning.
Gasp!
Are you saying...
You're Mar-
MICHEAL GRAVES! AT YOUR SERVICE!
...Hold the phone, caller!
My guest just finished explaining that...
Micheal Graves died!
And YOU'RE *actually* Mark Flynn!
Lies!
Maddy's false narrative is...
Her belt's being pilfered
A leftist conspiratorial cabal's out to cheat her.
The truth's far simpler, dummy.
Truth is...
Micheal Graves and the Students-of-Gravy...
KICKED.
DYSON'S.
ASS.
Didja see Anarchy?
Dyson lost to a CAT LADY!
AND AN UNCONSCIOUS GUY!
(THEIR FEAR WANES!)
(SILENCE HIM!)
Mister Flynn!
Call me Gravy, Tom-Tom!
FLYNN!
You play these childish headgames to 'psych out' Madison!
You FEAR her!
After all! She's your TOUGHEST challenge-to-date!
An-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
DYSON?
A CHALLENGE?
Have you SEEN her record?
Dyson couldn't manage Mercy to ONE, SINGLE ACCOMPLISHMENT.
Dyson couldn't euthanize that old dog, Centurion, in a career match!
When he was BEGGING to be put outta his misery!
The ONLY reason Dyson's sporting gold?
She waited for Sean Parker to call it quits!
THEN, she hid behind membership by-laws, keeping Anarchy's challenger pool limited to...
PREESH?
MASTERMIND.
Maddy? Honey?
The show's called ANARCHY!
As in, NO RULES!
So much for 'preserving the Anarchy way-of-life'!
And NOW?
Dyson NEVER WANTS ANOTHER TITLE DEFENSE!
...No title defenses?
Whaddya mean, Mister Graves?
Let's talk turkey, Tucky!
(...WAIT! DON'T MENTION...)
Have you read...
Project Mammon?
(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)
I'm... unfamiliar.
Tucklehead!
It's nuttier than Grandma Gravy's pistachio brittle!
(...IMPOSSIBLE...!)
(...Project Mammon is over 3500 pages...)
(...This FOOL couldn't actually r-)
Dyson wants every challenger to submit BLOOD! To ensure Anarchy's 'genetic purity'!
(YE GODS! HE READ IT!)
It also cancels TheoCare, Pryce's healthplan for XWF wrestlers...
GUTS XWF's on-site medical staff budget...
AND grants the Anarchy champ veto power over HER challengers!
Get it, yet, dummy?
Maddy, the greedy piglet...
Wants to systematically prevent Anarchy's workhorses from recovering from injuries!
AND handpick her opponents FOR-EVER!
Maddy doesn't wanna be Anarchy's champion.
She wants to be Anarchy's DICTATOR!
This snowflake's FEAR-MONGERING!
No one on Dyson's team worships Mammon!
We worship...
Uh...
What's-his-name...
...Jesus?
Exactly. Jeebus.
But, YOU said 'Thank Mammon earlier'... right, Miss Lahren?
(...ET TU, TUCKER CARLSON?!?...)
Listen, Grav-
FLYNN!
Madison Dyson's NOT behind Project Mammon!
She does not SUPPORT Project Mammon!
She hasn't even READ Project Mammon!
Suuuuuure.
Just... explain.
On Dyson's website...
The Top Books I've Read...
and Support...
AND AM BEHIND.
By Madison Dyson.
NUMBER ONE!
PROJECT MAMMON!
...That's...
Just ONE book on that list
It's actually the ONLY book...
On her 'books list'.
The ONLY other entry is...
The film Inglorious Bastards, but, and I quote...
'Stop at 148 minutes'...
'Because then, the nazis get shot :('.
(...PIVOT!)
(DEFEND ME, SLAVE!)
Alright!
It's true!
Madison worships Mammon!
Madison LOVES Mammon!
Know why?
Because Mammon makes this country GREAT!
Mammon is GREED!
GREED is GOOD!
There is NOTHING more AMERICAN than MAMMON!
And this LIBTAR-
*ahem*
Sorry.
Mammon?
God of Greed?
...American?
Mister Graves, keep up!
Any REAL American should love Mammon!
That's where I'm stuck, Tuck.
How can Mammon be so American...
When he WASN'T BORN HERE!!!
What?!?
BASELESS!
Mammon's as American as freedom!
Is he?
See, I got an idea after Giuliani asked for MY birth certificate...
And found MAMMON's birth certificate.
(...oh no.)
Mammon...
Madison Dyson's ONE, TRUE GOD!
IS FROM SYRIA!
HRGH!
I'M GONNA BE SICK!
Yeeeeeeeeep.
Madison Dyson?
Supposed defender of the XWF's Judeo-Christian values?
Wants to INDOCTRINATE YOU INTRO WORSHIPPING A MIDDLE-EASTERN DEITY!
That's IT!
I, Tucker Carlson...
Officially endorse MICHEAL GRAVES as Anarchy champion!
Against the multicultral GLOBALIST, Madison Dyson!
(NOOOOOOooooooooooo...)
Hehehehe...
Oh, Maddy.
I get why you fear Flynn.
He's no Corey Smith.
No socialist dreamer, saving the world...
One lost soul at a time.
...
He's something MUCH worse for you.
A wielder of truth.
All your fear-mongering.
Your tribalist prattle.
Driving sheep to mindless consumption.
Melts away.
In the truth's light.
...
You scheme to enslave Anarchy in your prison of lies.
But the truth will set it free.
And...
Truth is...
I.
AM.
MICHEAL GRAVES.
...
Dummy!