The crew of Corey Smith, Dionysus, Unknown Soldier and Dolly Waters found themselves falling through a hidden cavern in this ancient temple, presumably to their deaths.

This conquest they’ve embarked on, the search for a magic lamp containing an all powerful giant Djinn, had been marred with nothing but confusion and calamity. Sort of like the end result of any XWF WarGames team that had Doctor Louis D’Ville among their ranks. 

They’ve been led astray by an overvalued, dusty old relic claiming to hold secrets (the map, not Doc D’Ville), and walked right into their own destruction.

We see the team falling through the dark cavern. A cartoonishly long fall, one long enough for each of the team to shift into more comfortable positions as they plummet toward their death.

So.

Corey crosses his legs and sharpens the glare in his eye toward Dolly,

…

She simply lays on her stomach away from Corey, and lifts her legs up behind her, much like an unconcerned teenager lying on her bed, twisting a strain of hair around her finger,

this is how it finally ends huh? You leading me to die with HIM

He looks over at Soldier who’s falling in an upside down position, his eyes rolled in the back of his head, and drool dangling out of his mouth while he snores his way to the bottom of this pit,

of all people? I wish I had enough time to tell you the millions of types of deaths I would’ve perfeed to this one. But I’ll start with a few:

Complications from HIV I contracted from Jenny Myst.

Setting myself on fire after being ashamed of losing to ALIAS at MayDay

Gagging to death on Bobby Bourbon’s-

What do you want me to say, Corey?!

Say it ain’t so! Say it ain’t so!

Dionysus appears to be the only one falling with any sense of reality. His arms flailing, body flipping over, his face contorted with fear and anguish as he screams overtop of Dolly and Corey’s casual argument,

I don’t know. Say anything! Chant out one of your stupid spells or something. Snap your fingers and witch us to a safe landing. Anything other than-

I’m sorry! I was cheated by those Al-Qaeda pricks who sold me the map, okay?! Scammed!

and as a believer in karma you don’t see the irony here?”divination tea”, limp bizkit tickets-

Ya know Corey… I see the irony in a lot of things.

Like Dawk for instance.

Ain’t it interesting how a man who claims that I’m nibbling on low hanging fruit in regards to his track record of being an overhyped relic, is literally reciting, VERBATIM, the exact same lines that the likes of:

Mark Wright
Jenny Myst
Bobby Bourbon
Angelica Vaughn
Ned Kaye
Isaiah King
Riaon Kido
Vita Valenteen

Are all currently parroting about me?

“dOlLy lAtChEs oNto oThErS!” Booooo hooooo!

When has Bobby bourbon not been in a stable? And is he not currently throwing a fit that TK didn’t draft him? Talk about codependency.

When has Angelica Vaughn not been literally walked to the ring by her big sister every match?

When has Raion Kido not been having his hand held by Theo FUCKING Pryce?

And wasn’t Jenny Myst the first blond headed bitch in BOB before she was excommunicated… while also being in the Left Hand or some weird shit? And in constant search of a teammate?

Afterall, she told me weeks ago that she was blowing up my DMs trying to join forces. So go on and nix that bullshit about Jenny thinking I’m not “good” while we’re at it…

Why! It’s almost as if there's a collaborative spirit that just consumes the XWF. In fact, this very topic, in terms of it being some type of negative connotation, is brought up on our airwaves, about damn near every wrestler, BY DAMN NEAR EVERY WRESTLER, bi-fucking-weekly!

And when has Dawk, of ALL fucking people, last been spotted walking around this FINE federation on the merits of his own story? Why, in fact, the last time the old fucker was doing any substantial winning, of any kind, was when the continuum kids were cameo regulars in his vignettes.

Yer’ welcome Dawk. Signed, Dolly, Thad and Corey.

I just think it’s pretty fucking ironic, for a guy who only comes around to beat up Charlie nickles once a year to be speaking with such a smug attitude on anyone else’s attendance or consistency records in this FINE federation. Especially when the last time he was giving it a real go, he was getting an ALIAS sized boot shoved up his ass, not coincidentally, right around the exact time King Dawk decided to stack his court with the jesters of BOB. Talk about being suckered by leaches. Good old Dawk willingly let Chris Page make a spectacle out of his Kingdom, only to see Page turn the whole thing into a self promotion for CCP v. Main 12, while Doc just got fed to ALIAS… again.

Less than two years ago is ancient history in XWF, Dolly.

…and yet it’s the only real basis from which we can speak about Doc’s involvement. It was the last time the man held even a smidgen of relevance. And still he persists, pulling old rotting tactics out of his pockets and pretending as if they're new things to talk about. The simple fact, Doc is as consumed with biases of the past as anyone else. Because he’s still living there. Just listen to him yammer on about you, Corey.

What have I won… eight?

Nine matches these last six months? That’s not bad on bi-weekly numbers.

Tag team championship gold?

Television championship gold?

while also defeating a former Universal Champion?

And scoring victories over the last three television champions besides me?

Oh, and hosting another goddamn mini pay-per-view spectacular?

Yet I’m a “train wreck” says the guy who doesn’t even show his face after he loses. I’m a train wreck, yet he responds, and hangs onto every word I speak. Such a strong mind Dawk, bravo! Funny he feels the need to defend himself against the accusations of a “train wreck”… typically, someone like Dawk would have you believe he doesn’t get down in the game of nitpicking his opponents words, afterall, what we say doesn’t particularly matter does it? It’s what we do…

Except for when we’re lying our asses off, like Doc. Ignoring entire monologues he recorded casting his wargames failures on Chris Chaos in such a gentle, motherfucking cowardly manner.

Sweet little lies, indeed.

I guess I’m most sorry, Corey, that we won’t live to kick the shit out of the old man.

Ehhh, beating up Doc in WarGames? Been there, done that.

[soldier]AS HAS MY WISH![/soldier]

A maniacal laugh bubbles from the throat of the once sleeping Unknown Soldier as the team continues their fall.

Don't you get it, you freak? There aren’t going to be any wishes! I’ll be several Dionysus’ alright! Scattered out all over the floor of this cavern!

Dolly observes the moment in time with care. Thinking tenderly of each of the men she’d roped into this suicide mission. She couldn’t help but feel responsible for this predicament they’ve found themselves in,

ya know guys, I can’t help but feel sort of responsible for this predicament we’ve found ourselves in…

Ahem! What?!

[soldier]BY SATAN![/soldier]

DOLLY! You’re COMPLETELY responsible for this!

Dolly’s head sinks in shame, wishing that they’d reach the bottom of the cavern already. The death that awaits them couldn’t be more agonizing than living a second longer with the guilt of being such a terrible WarGames captain.

If only there were a way she could turn things around.

Like an abrupt arrival of some once insignificant and ancillary running joke that had been a part of her story for months that could suddenly materialize and serve as sacrificial lamb for our heroes…

JeNNy: yEaH dOlLy, yOu rEaLlY sCrEwEd uP tHiS tImE. yOu sHoUlD’vE jUsT dRaFtEd mE! eVeRyOnE kNoWs aLl oF yOuR sUcKcEsS iS tHaNkS tO mEeEeEeEeE!

ahhhhh what the fuck is that make it stop! Corey, Soldier and Dionysus immediately cuff their ears as a shrill, indignant voice pierces the team's eardrums. 

Falling just behind the team is none other than

JeNNy?!???

The blow up sex-doll that Dolly brought to life in a weird Frankenstein experiment, by channeling the essence of Jenny Myst’s spirit during the lead up to their Buried Alive encounter for the Television Championship is falling down the cavern just behind the team.

How the hell did you get here?!

JeNNy: i’Ve bEeN hErE aLl aLoNg dOlLy! nOtHiNg yOu’Ve dOnE hAs EVER bEeN wItHoUt mY hElPiNg lAtEx hAnD! dOlLy WaTeRs, wArGaMeS, eVeN tHe xWf aRe nOtHiNg wItHoUt mE! oR hAvE yOu foRgOtTeN tHaT yOu cRaFtEd mE iN tHe dIvInE iNtEnTiOnS oF jEnNy MySt?!?

BY THE DIVINE!

[soldier]SATAN![/soldier]

Dolly, with her back facing the bottom of the cavern, opens her arms wide, beckoning JeNNy to come to her master. JeNNy, who only ever wanted to be accepted, and reassured by her more intelligent and capable peers that inspired her existence floats down toward Dolly.

Captain Waters smiles at the hideous monster she created months ago in the metaphysical shop, and kisses it on its latex forehead.

Quickly! Dionysus! Tell me you have a bottle of that disgusting wine of yers’ handy!

The lord of the vine is always prepared for a good time my dear!

From his backpack Dionysus produces a large bottle of wine,

Now give it to Soldier!

Soldier grabs the bottle of wine from Dionysus and uncorks it with his teeth. He reads the label…

[soldier]Ithacan Autumn Sauvignon? What the fuck is snowflake this crap?[/soldier]

just drink it!

With just the slightest sip, a horrific stream of blood-laced projectile vomit begins spewing from Soldier’s mouth.

yes!!! It’s beautiful! Corey! Make him chug the bottle!

Corey’s eyes go wide, not doubting Dolly’s command for a moment. He wraps around Soldier from behind and forces the bottle of wine up to his mouth. Within seconds the entire bottle is consumed.

Dio! Help me steady the sex-doll!

…the things you think you’d never hear.

Dionysus floats over and helps wrestle JeNNy into a sturdy position as they all continue to fall.

JeNNy, tell me all about your recent achievements and I’ll give you some feedback!

Without hesitation, the sex-doll begins yammering out a bunch of cliche chauvinistic stories, leaving her mouth agape.

Now Corey! Aim Soldier’s vomit into the sex-doll’s mouth!

…more things you thought you’d never hear.

A glazed look overcomes Soldier as his digestive system rebukes the wine, and this time not just a stream, but rather a fountain of vomit sprays directly into JeNNy’s mouth. Corey gags and turns his head, as does Dionysus, while Dolly’s eyes grow with a wild and desperate intent.

The body of the latex sex-doll begins to expand as Soldier’s vomit fills her seams.

Alright everybody! Hop on!

The sex-doll has grown large enough for the entire team to ride. First Dionysus mounts the doll, followed by Corey who is still holding Soldier from the back, as the meth addicted demon forces out the last bits of bile onto JeNNy’s lips, who’s now the size of a small whale.

Soldier… why’s your tongue in her mouth?

[soldier]My bad. I got caught up in the moment. That was all pretty hot if you ask me.[/soldier]

There’s a moment of pause just before JeNNy, with the team riding on her vomit filled stomach, begins plummeting to the bottom of the cavern at a fierce rate!

HOLD ON!

Everyone hollers out as they rush to the bottom, and in just a matter of moments…

SPLAT!

The sex-doll provides a much needed cushion for the team as the crash lands safely at the bottom of the cavern.

Oh gross!

But sadly, the sex-doll exploded on landing, killing JeNNy, and covering the team in Soldier’s vomit.

Corey shakily pulls himself from the vomit soaked dirt on the ground and looks around at the torch-lit room they’ve found themselves in. He notices Dionysus and Soldier are both okay, and already standing as Soldier grabs a piece of the busted latex and makes a failed attempt at wiping away some of the vomit that’s now matted in Dionysus’ beard.

[soldier]Sorry about that, bub.[/soldier]

Corey looks around the room some more and sees Dolly standing before an altar. He comes shoulder to shoulder with her, and to his astonishment, he lays eyes on the very thing that has Dolly frozen in place, with a single tear of joy streaming down her cheek.



...I can’t believe it. It’s actually here.

Soon, Dionysus and Soldier also stand next to Dolly and take in the unbelievable sight of the magic lamp.

Well Dolly, this adventure might have been ill-planned, and poorly executed, but somehow, some way, it appears as if it’s all worked out. Sort of feel bad for JeNNy though.

Her sacrifice was divinely guided, just like this team the universe guided me to draft. And now before us lays everything we’ve ever desired.

The team's eyes light up as Dolly grabs the lamp from the altar,

But let’s not get carried away here, and begin wishing for banal and predictable things like the guaranteed victories at WarGames. This team already has the capability, the cohesion and the cunning to stop anything TK plans to throw at us.

We could easily wish for them to be destroyed, and we’ll win the match at WarGames without even showing up, but what’s the fun in that?

Not like we need it anyway. Doc’s track record in WarGames performances has been underwhelming to say the least. He can cry, AS HE HAS IN THE PAST, until the cows come home about how unbalanced his team was in 2021, but at the end of the day, he’s seen as a man who’s supposed to be able to compensate for the questionable performances of lesser talent.

Yet he never does seem to pull that off.

One of the GOATs, my ass.

Doc is, as everyone else in this wrestling federation, so entrenched in the fundamentals of collaborative success, only as good as those he surrounds himself with. I mean, as a pseudo psychologist, he MUST be aware of the self-help cliché that goes something like:

“You are the people you surround yourself with”

I know we wouldn’t be so naïve to presume that someone like D’Ville has just been a nobody all these years… so I guess if I were to wish anything in regards to Doc, it would be for him to stop being such a dishonest hypocrite. But no need to worry, because once I’m done with him at WarGames, he’ll wish he’d taken a different approach with me from the very start.

Dolly pulls the lamp close as the scene fades

2x KWA Unified Southern Glory Champion
6x KWA Middleweight Champion
4x KWA Tag Team Champion
1x XWF XTreme Champion


-Dumb Dolly records that no one cares about-

3x XTreme Champion
2x Tag Team Champion (w/ Vita Valenteen, w/ Charlie Nickles)
2x Hart Champion
3x Television Champion

3x Star Of The Month
August ‘21, May ‘17, October ‘16

3x RP Of The Month
What light through sonder... my perception breaks.
Tranquility: For Old Times Sake
Manifest Victory