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Unknown Soldier · (06-04-2023)

Semen is just another soupy secretion of liquid squirting from the tube of testicular fortitude like a glob of toothpaste out the end of a bottle. Normally, this discussion would only take place in the diary of some smart-ass teenage boy talking about his loss of virginity to some girl he persuaded in the parking lot of some movie theatre before heading into see the new rendition of the Little Mermaid while pretending to be some kind of social justice warrior to impress her because the mermaid is played by some black chick. Next thing you know, will all be watching Spider-woMAN make her way across the spider-verse and save us from the impending doom of Donald Trumps next presidency... This type of depiction of dilapidated humor is also something you might see while stumbling your way into this world we call SATAN!vison... Where an abundance of immaturity and inappropriate behavior come at a premium. These opening paragraphs are to preface anyone unaware of this type of grotesque and tasteless types of behavior and let them know that whether they like it or not, things will never change in MY! world...

If SATAN! were to suddenly cave to the censors and capitulate to you cocksuckers then he'd be no better than Joe Biden giving in to Vladmir Putin and the republicans. He'd be nothing but a weak and worthless sack of shit willing to bend over and take one up the ass from Vinnie Lane and company and purchase one of those women's football teams the XWF seems to be infatuated with... I mean, has the XWF lost touch with reality completely these days?? To take the most masculine thing in the world and turn it into a woman's game is beyond ludicrous. Why not just give these girls testosterone pills and steroids and toss them in with the NFL players and teach these transphobic trifflin' little trolls how it's really done.

People have the nerve to actually suggest that SATAN! has lost the plot on the changing world that is the XWF?? I would question to ask if the XWF has completely lost its line of thinking if it wants to put its focus on women's lingerie football rather than wrestling. The day that the XWF is free from dick and fart jokes and teenage immature humor will come one day... But it is not this day!!! HE! will not go gently into that good night and you will all bear witness to at least one last distasteful promo before we are all dead and buried and bored to death with a pair of tits trying to run a piece of pigskin across two goal posts. If SATAN! had it his way and the XWF world were back to the way that it belongs it would take all those lingerie teams and turn them into one big scat porn orgy extravaganza and put an end to this football nonsense and get women and Vinnie Lane back into what they do best. Taking it in the ass from someone bigger and better than them. That's what SATAN! knows best and that's what we are here to remind you one last time in the land of MorScat where he has been hiding and biding his time for his ultimate secret and super scat filled semen squirting surprise!

Mount Dickem erupts with a giant stream of white foam blasting into the sky with clouds of evaporated milkspew in all various directions. Semen, Scat-fire, and putrid wastewater begins raining from the heavens as little Dolly Waters makes her way towards the pillars of penile perfection beneath a cloud covered sun blocking out the sky completely. Two giant erections of stone carven phallus pillars are climbing their way upwards into a black sky of unfathomable darkness with no end in sight. They are both carven completely and exactly as a replica to the penis size and style of Doctor D'Ville to honor all the dick jokes in the following promo as an homage to his masculity, genius, and good looks.  Between those two pillars is a demonstrative gate with a seal that is nothing but the hideous face of evil with two horns and a giant dick growing out of the front of the devils forehead.  In the lands of MoreScat, where the Scatows lie, the great eye of evil scowers the land and continues to monitor its entropy of evil constantly and consistently for ever and ever. Bearing down on those that would dare come at the front of the door and seek the land in which the great lord SATAN! is now locked himself within and waits for his moment to strike the XWF down and destroy it.

At the tops of the tower known as Bara-do-her is where Dolly will be making the quest for the end of her journey. Shivering and shaking at the foot of the doorway she waits ominously as she can do nothing but hope and pray that she will be allowed to enter. Grasping in her hands the great evil pentagram that she found as a token for her entryway to be allowed to gain entrance into the lands of MorScat. She came across this token when it was placed under her pillow the night before the draft for War Games, as some sort of sign from the benevolent that she must pick the Unknown Soldier in her quest to win War Games.  She is obviously distraught and dis-illusioned as she makes her way towards the entrance between the two towers, her clothes covered in the grime and gross-ness of the surrounding scat raining from above. Her hair, a mangled mess of putrid waste hanging from the edge of her brown and over her eyebrows.

She holds the pentagram necklace high over her head as she approaches the doorway as some sort of offering for entrance... The pillars shake, and the ground trembles and Mount Dickem spews forth an even larger and more powerful stream of manspew then it did before into the sky billowing up a mushroom cloud of man juice that blocks out the sun completely. A glow from both the inverted pentagram necklace and the face on the front of the doorway begins to emancipate and the two meet in the center as if they had been waiting for one another, and the gate slowly opens with a loud creaking noise that scratches the ear drums and causes Dolly Waters to cover her ears. She enters the land of MoreScat, more petrified and afraid than ever, and walks ever so slowly towards the tower of Bar-do-her in which she was told to meet with the great lord of EVIL!

As she makes her way towards the entrance of the evil tower, she covers her eyes as the wind has picked up a giant dust cloud and kicked the pebbles of feces and burnt hair that encircles the atmosphere around her. SHe begins the ascent upwards and upwards on the great tower composed completely of wet cobblestone and dilapidated rust. Smaller and weaker each step becomes as she climbs closer to the top. On numerous occasions she slips and almost falls as bits of stone go tumbling down a damnable pit of eternal darkness. She does luckily regain her footing each time, and tread more lightly with each near death experience until finally she reaches the top after exactly 666 miles of stairs. The door, is again marked with the demonic symbol that kept her from entering the land of MoreScat, she notices, however, that it bears the resemblance of some sort of key hole in which she uses to help her open the door and to her demise she is standing before the great EVIL! one....

Dolly stammers and stutters her words a bit, but she is eventually able to formulate a sentence to the one she now stands before....

Dolly Waters: "SATAN!?!?!?"

HALBRAND!: "Who did you expect at the top of this perfect penis mountain? The pope?"

Dolly Waters: "It's an honor sir...?

She says while kneeling before him.

HALBRAND! "Stand up and don't embarrass yourself. I'm nothing but a wet dream in a world of masturbation mockery these days as you can clearly see."

Dolly Waters: "Why do you hide up in this dark tower, and away from the world of the XWF? What is the purpose and meaning of all this?"

HALBRAND! "Vinnie Lane and Theo Pryce wouldn't dare come into a land raining scat and sewage! In my domain I am able to be free and here I can be free to be as racist, sexist, vile, and despicable as I have always wanted to be while they are busy watching women's football and Ghost Tank change his gimmick for the 666th time. That's not even an exaggeration of the term, it's literally the 666th time he's done that now! I'd rather watch the XFL or the USFL or then be a part of anything like that! I mean, what next? Will the XWF be broadcasting Britney Griner basketball games so people will actually watch them and give her the recognition she deserves for smoking a crack pipe in Russia! Most people just call her another professional basketball player who broke the law, but we should all be watching her return as if it were the royal fucking wedding!"

Dolly Waters: "The XWF isn't that bad SATAN! In fact, that's the reason I've come is to invite your Soldier to come and help fight with my team at War Games."

HALBRAND!: "You want Unknown Soldier to fight for you at War Games??"

Dolly Waters: Well, yeah I thought that's what this inverted pentagram was placed under my pillow for so that I could come here and summon him to join us."

HALBRAND!: "What about the rest of the team? Where are they?"

Dolly Waters: "Well, you see, they all hate you and Soldier, so it's just me...."

HALBRAND!: "I see... Alright, well let me summon him and I'll send him on his way. All he's done is annoy me and keeps asking me to take him to see that stupid Fast and Furious movie. How many stupid fucking renditions of that thing do they need now anyways..."

Dolly Waters: "Thank you SATAN!"

From deep in the bellows of his belly SATAN! screams a screech of disturbing might that shakes the earth and sends a shockwave into the scene as the Unknown Soldier appears in a tunnel down a fire of flame at the end of the tower and walks over a river of sewage spew and disgusting dredge. Under his right arm he carries a blow-up doll that he has obviously been playing with and humping on a regular basis as it looks more used than a two-dollar hooker. It has a patch of brown hair glued on the top of it and a drawn on six pack with red tight shorts and written across the chest is the name 'Mark Flynn'. Sucking on his left thumb he walks onto the scene and nods at Dolly and takes his thumb out of his mouth as a solid stream of saliva rolls down the edge of his elbow and onto the ground beneath his feet.

HALBRAND!: "Alright Soldier, Dolly wants you to be on her War Games team. None of the rest of XWF wants to play with you anymore including even Doc! He says you've grown old and have a dry sense of humor. The XWF debauchery of the past is over, and Vinnie and Theo want good clean fun and you're not capable of conforming to the cancel culture. In fact, your other teammates didn't even want to come here and get you because they think you're a disgusting piece of shit."

Unknown Soldier: "Even Mark Flynn hates me... My favorite wrestler of all time!"

HALBRAND!: "Yes, even him! Now take your dolly and go with Dolly!"

The irony in that statement is dually noted. Soldier reaches out to grab Dolly's hand with the spit filled nastiness that was just inside his mouth, and she reluctantly obliges, although releasing her grip once before grabbing him again. Soldier lures her towards the scat spiraled vortex beneath them and they leap into the void and are transported out of the land of MoreScat. The smile on SATAN!'s face and shit eating grin is wide as he walks over towards his evil cauldron and menacingly rubs his hands together and shoving them down the front of his pants, only to pull them back out and get a giant whiff of his disgusting dangling device between his inner thighs.

HALBRAND!: "Those two XWF owners don't even know what I have in store for them. I will destroy them! I will destroy them all! Hail ME! mother fuckers!"

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