Bobby, Bobby Crockett, grandhighpoobob of the wild frontier
… Fought single-handed through the games of war

A slew of slow-moving and even slower-thinking tourists bustle in front of the old Alamo building. Some folks take pictures, some folks make memories, and some folks still are just there to check it off the bucket list. As the mayoskins shuffle back and forth in front of the historic building we see someone step to the edge of the Alamo’s roof, but none of the tourists seem to notice. The camera slowly fades in on the person at the top of the old building.

When the camera finally settles on a close-up shot, we can tell that it is none other than Latina Submission Machina standing on the roof of The Alamo! She is fully decked out in her wrestling attire, as if she were expecting a battle any minute now. Her face is half-painted, her boots are laced, and all the sequins on her outfit have the shiny sides turned out! She crosses her arms over chest as she stands atop the roof of The Alamo.

Recuerdo 'El Álamo'. ¿Tú?

LSM raises her painted eyebrow as she stares into the camera with a slick smirk. She’s clearly feeling herself right now.

¿Tienes un maldito equipo, bastardo sobrecargado?

LSM throws her head back and drops her arms from her chest as she laughs out loud. She wipes a joyous tear from beneath her unpainted eye as she looks back to the camera with a grin.

Si, I’m talking to YOU, Bobby Bourbon!

LSM looks around the roof and places the palm of her hand on her forehead, as if she were blocking the sun so she could look for something.

Who else is there to talk to on your team?

LSM just shrugs before she howls in laughter.

Come on BOBby, is this the best lot your bastards could whip up? Ozzy, Marf, Cholo, and the grand pooeater himself? How are you going to defend your Alamo with THIS?! Come on BOBby…you should’ve never let Oswaldo draft you! You can’t Davy Crockett your way out of this one…your team just can’t win this war. You’re just going to end up exactly like the real Davy Crockett, The real GrandHighPooBoB of the Wild Frontier!

Bobby Crockket, and his whole team, will be defeated! BOB just doesn’t have the men or the munitions they’ll need to win this war!

Let’s be honest: The #2 threat on their team, Marf, hasn’t been relevant since January! Why did Oswaldo even BOTHER drafting him? I won the Anarchy championship this year, then I got kidnapped and lost the belt before I was imprisoned in a basement for two months…..and I still have more wins in 2022 than Marf! A longer title reign, too! What the heck is going on with you bad boys over there in BOB?! Marf lost to J.B., Marf lost to the tag champs, Marf lost to Raion Kido, hell…when was the last time Marf actually won? What was Oswaldo even THINKING when he drafted Marf?!

Marf isn’t a sleeping giant at all…that soldier’s just sleeping at his post! I hope you weren’t counting on MARF to keep my soldiers from breaking through, cause if you were, then your Alamo will be going up in flames any minute now!

LSM looks around the Alamo innocently before turning back to the camera with a sarcastic smile.

But I don’t see any flames…so I’m thinking Bobby Crocket knows better than to station Marf on guard! But of course Bobby Crockett wasn’t expecting much of Marf, because what has Marf ever accomplished as a bastard? Has he even won a match since he joined BOB?

LSM visibly cringed before leaning back and chuckling to herself. She shook her head from side to side, causing strands of her dark hair to fall over her face, partially concealing her unpainted skin.

Que puta estafa.

I thought joining BOB was supposed to be a smart business decision? So why has Marf been on the receiving end of EVERYONE’S business since he joined your little butt-buddy collective?

LSM cocked her head to the side and placed her hand beneath her chin, as if she were really thinking this inquiry through. LSM eventually giggled before breaking the pose and shaking her head from side to side once more, clearing the loose strands of hair away from her face.

Marf’s going to hear my words and do nothing about it when that bell rings. Well, I’m sure he’ll try to do something about it…he’s probably going to run right at me, like a complete and total cabrón, and I’m going to put his culo in an armbar he’ll never stop having nightmares about! Gosh, Marf has turned into such a massive pussy ever since he joined with BOB. I usually don’t use that kind of language, but dang it if it’s not called for this time!

Marf used to be COOL! Marf used to be BADASS! Marf used to be an X-TREME CHAMPION, a two-time TV champion….and now what is he? Marf has been completely neutered and muzzled ever since he joined ‘the collective’ of the Brotherhood. I heard BOB even made Marf shave his head for a promo shoot! Ever since Marf joined BOB, he’s been turned into a complete laughingstock. Last I heard Marf was the new Groom of the Stool for the GrandHighPooBob……google that one, Bobby, and I know you’ll laugh so hard that you give Marf another mess to clean up!

LSM rolled her eyes and giggled to herself as she placed her hands on either side of her waist.

But still, even with MARF being the new Groom of the Stool, I still think Oswaldo is the biggest turd in BOB! You know why? Because Oswaldo is the member of their team who stinks THE MOST!.....and he’s somehow the captain?!?! Ay dios mio…that team really is in for a sudden death!

LSM leaned forward as she glared into the camera, hands still around her waist, before flashing a big smile to the camera.

Oswaldo just isn’t good in this arena. Lo siento, lo siento, but it is true! I’ve faced him enough to know! Oswaldo has a lot going for him: he’s big, he’s tough, he’s mean and he’s nasty…but there’s one crucial factor that he’s missing. IT. He just can’t get it done when it matters most, he just can’t seem to grab a hold of his opportunities, he just doesn’t have the heart and soul of a gran luchador! When the cards aren’t in his favor he simply folds. Oswaldo is, at his most basic level, a quitter! This is something I know better than anyone, because I’ve made Oswaldo tap out more than anyone, and I’ve taken more championship belts from Oswaldo than anyone!

Everytime Oswaldo gets a sliver of momentum going his way there’s always a Latina there to make him Submit. It’s almost like I’m a MACHINA, with a set of programming designed to stop Oswaldo from ever reaching greatness! I do it constantly, in the Anarchy division and the Billion dollar division…or at least I USED TO do it constantly…back when it had to be done! Back when Oswald was actually WINNING things!

But heck, I went on a two month hiatus, came back, and Oswaldo STILL had not won anything! Not even a plump pigeon, not even a sickly pigeon! NOTHING! NADA! It turns out that when Oswaldo joined BOB again, he actually did more to kill his momentum than I EVER COULD!

Now isn’t that something? What a set of creative geniuses they must have over there at BOB! You get former champions in your group, then you shave em’ down and cut their balls off so they never win anything again! You rudos certainly put the word ‘bad’ in ‘baddies’....but mostly with your atrocious win/loss records!

LSM laughed as her arms came down from her hips. She gestured to her side with her hands as she carried on lambasting her soon-to-be ‘dead’ opponents.

And Oswaldo is supposed to lead a team? Are you kidding me? Santa mierda. You have got to be kidding me! Bobby Crockket is going to ride into battle behind Captain Oswaldo?

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. That Alamo is going to be lost before they even know it. The Brotherhood of Bastards is about to get exposed, badly. Without Thunder Knuckles at the helm these idiots can’t plan a game of Limp Bizkit, let alone a strategy for War Games! Without Charlie Nickles to do all their grunt work and get all their wins, it’s really just a Brotherhood of Losers.

LSM shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly.

Sorry not sorry, Padre- but tus amigos chupan. None of them stand a chance against your bastard daughter! Not even Bobby Crockket himself- who is sure to be team BOB’s last man standing….because he just might be the only one who shows up for this ASS-KICKING!

Bobby Crockett can’t take on V.D.A. all on his own…hell, he couldn’t even take on L.S.M. all on his own! He just doesn’t have what it takes anymore! He’s gone limp and soft ever since TNGB started BOB back up. Starting the band back up seems to have zapped all the energy out of Bobby Bobby, because he hasn’t even tag-teamed anyone with his favorite butt-buddy all year! Maybe Bobby just can’t get it up anymore, and he doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of his friend Knuckles! It looks to me like Bobby’s been neutered by his very own namesake! WOE IS HE! Ball-less Bourbon can’t go hard enough for Calypso, he can’t go hard enough for Jenny Myst, ay dios mio, he’s so soft nowadays that he’s even running away from pretty little things like Dolly Waters and Vita Valenteen when they ask for it!

You know things have gotten bad around BOB when a Literally (and legally) neutered Gorilla has more balls than Bobby Crockett.

LSM narrows her eyes at the camera as she wags a stern finger back and forth, as if she were chiding the viewer for their personal cowardice.

I’ll tell you this..maybe Robby Crockett could have taken on L.S.M., could have taken on V.D.A., because THAT Crockett was a former universal champion. Maybe THAT Crockett could have held the Alama all by himself, because THAT Crockett showed up and showed out, because THAT Crockett didn’t accept defeat. Robby Crockett didn’t take no shit from anyone!

But THIS Crockett? Bobby Crockett?

He’s a pussy who loses title matches, then pouts, whines, and BITCHES for a rematch until his Padre Theo comes along to wipe his tears. Ugh. Why the hell does mi padre even like you? All you’ve done since he joined your little clique of clowns is cry about how much more attention he gets. I am sure that Bobby Crockett was sitting in the back last Savage, rooting for Jason Cashe: but he’ll never admit it- because he’s a spineless pussy.

LSM glares into the camera as the harsh and frankly misogynistic language leaves her lips. She doesn’t usually speak like this….but this time, it’s personal for her! It’s familial! LSM spit her venom onto the ground before wiping her lip clean with her wrist and staring back into the camera.

Bobby, hear my words: I will make you submit. It’s inevitable by this point, it’s your fate. Bobby Crockett won’t be able to hold The Alamo by himself. You’re coming into this battle with no allies and no defenses: you’re coming into this battle to lose.

LSM held the camera in the midst of her glare for many seconds before suddenly breaking it off. Robyn looked down at the ground and sighed softly to herself before she ran a nervous hand through her hair. As the XWF drone with the camera flew away from The Alamo, LSM walked over to the multicolor duffel bag she placed on the other side of the roof, just out of sight of the original shot.

When Robyn reaches her bag she opens it up before reaching in and pulling a half-empty bottle of water and a granola bar. Robyn took a seat on the roof, resting her back against the barriers of the roof as she munched and sipped. When her snacks were all gone LSM responsibly tucked the wrappers back into her duffel bag before she pulled out her cellphone. She raised her brow as she noticed an ungodly amount of missed calls. Robyn swiped to her voicemail before she held the phone up to her ear.

“Hello Machina, it’s Tommy, I know it’s been a long time we even spoken to one another, but if you want you can call me back. Ehh… something somethin… later”

Robyn shook her head from side to side as she deleted the message. She swiped to the next one before putting the phone back to her ear.

“Look Machina, I know that we haven’t been close, but just know that I still care about you, and I hope that you can lead us into victory. I mean, you give me a feeling that I shouldn't have to feel when you take charge and lead on!... Later.”


Ay dios mio! This creep needs to leave me alone! UGH! Why did I let Vinnie convince me into drafting him? I can’t allow the quest for ‘SUPER HIGH RATINGS DUDE!’ ruin my life anymore!


LSM shook her head in frustration before deleting the message and listening to the next.

“Okay okay… I know this is like the third message, but seriously I need to talk to you about us, well mostly this whole Wargames thing. Is it true that they want to replace me with a Frakenstine? IF so then well I guess I am going to be the odd man out in this thing. Please call me back!”

Holy crap how did he find out about that?! There’s no way he knows….he’s definitely just doing a shot in the dark. No way I’m going to call him back, not about his love and not about his replacement! No thanks!

LSM deleted the voicemail and swiped onto the next.

I swear to Jesus Christo if this is another message from Tommy…

“Alrighy Machina, it’s time for me to come clean, I know i fucked up your Freestyle reign, I ruined your time in the ring on Anarchy, but keep it in mind, Vinny told me to do these shitty things to you for the sake of the ratings. I mean, I have yet to see a check from him for all the mess I've caused you. I know you are probably not listening to this but, I want to let you know that if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be in this War Games at all. YOU, YES YOU had me convinced to join this shit, and now I have to make it up to you by just being a “team player” but from what i’ve heard that isn’t the case… uh rambled too much, later.”

Ok, that’s it. That’s it. I’m going to block his number.

“Alrigh – Alright… Mach– Machin— ah shit… Machina, i’m drunk right now and I had to let you kno– *dry heaves*-- ow.. Stupid i knowww… alsoooo.. I think I almost haaaaddd a three…three SUMM *burp* with Mercy an–and Dyson!... I think… well i don’t remember, all I hadd was a dream of you three— *dry heaves*-- three of you tramplin me with your fe– feet! Ah gad i spilt too much of my my fantasies… uhh… if you get this mes– ah fuck it, Machina if you awnser this calllllll…. I’d like to talkkkkk to youuuuu… i hope you answer….fuck”

How am I supposed to work with this creep for War Games?!?! I hope for his sake he didn’t really have sex with Mercy, that might unleash a whole nother’ type of STD this world isn’t ready for! MY TEAM MEMBERS CAN NOT BE HAVING SEX, THAT NEVER ENDS WELL! UGGGGGGGH. Why did I let Dyson convince me that she should manage our team?! She’s a notoriously BAD person!

Oh sheeesh……I need to talk to my Padre about being more assertive….I’m just letting everyone walk all over me these days!

LSM buried her face in the palm of her hands, equal parts frustrated and ashamed, as she sat all alone atop the Alamo. Robyn did everything she could to hold in her screams as she tried to cope with the trainwreck of a team that she had assembled. After an aggressively abrasive snort, Robyn deletes that message and flips on to the next.

Please don’t be from Tommy….

HEEEEEEEY Robyn! I told everyone in BOB to keep that CHOLO guy from hurting you, I don’t really like the idea of you being alone in that ring with a mexican. I know the BOB guys aren’t on your team, but trust me Robyn, I have an agreement with them so that they’ll keep you safe from that rapist Oswald fucking drafted! Okay…good luck and have fun! I would say I’ll be watching….but I won’t be. I’m going to be way too busy celebrating my victory over Alias! Toodaloo! Love ya!

LSM rolled her eyes and shook her head, deleting the message and swiping to the next.

“Alright disregard my drunken stupors message, my mind wasn’t right. Machina, you can hate me or forgive me for causing you so much pain, but I need you to know that I am sorry. You know what you do next, peace.”

LSM screams in rage. By now, Robyn has had enough of this bullshit. She grabs the phone and chucks it off the roof of the Alamo building, crashing right into the drone filming the promo!