One Ring…

Two r-

“Davenport speaking.”

“It’s Flynn.”

“Deliver your Status Report on The Beacon.”

“...Jesus. My day was fine, thanks for asking.”

“Mark Flynn! This is no time for sarcastic banter!”

“Ugh, fine. We’re in Louisville.”

“I’m aware. Though, I don’t know why. The last time we spoke, you were looking into Thaddeus Duke and if the XWF was funding the Ares Project. I said I wanted proof.”

“...Wow, Yeah. That was a while back. So… things kinda went off the rails… I’ll try to sum-up…”

***

The Story So Far…

And Now! Our Dramatic Conclusion!

***
“Arena’s on fire. We’ve got about 10,000 frozen extradimensional civilians in jeopardy. Two enemy combatants of differing motives. A possibly temperamental technology locked in a vault and a treasure trove of intel in this XWF terminal.”

“Ok.”

“Also, NK had a gun. Like, this whole time. That’s on the ground, currently.”

“Acknowledged.”

“So…Thoughts on how to proceed?”

“Yes. Pull the hard drive out of the terminal and bag it for analysis.”

“Well, hang on, Marie. The terminal controls the vault. We think it’s what’s keeping these people frozen. We need the computer running until we evacuate these FXW bizarro-world freaks.”

“Negative.”

“...Pardon?”

“Your duty is to the people of THIS dimension. THIS planet. THIS country. And the best way you can protect them is to secure the hard drive off that terminal, then immediately evacuate the facility.”

Flynn looks over at Kato and NK, who are still looking at the terminal, and at NK’s codebreaking notes, trying to cipher the password.

Flynn covers the phone with his hand and drops his voice to a whisper.

“Marie. Maybe I’m being unclear. We can see down into the arena. Some of these people are women and children.”

“Maybe I’m being unclear, Flynn. Step 1: Obtain Hard Drive. Step 2: Exit Building. Do you need a written copy of your ORDERS?”

Flynn lets the timber of his voice rise as hostility bleeds into his tone.

“We’re letting 10,000 people die because the XWF left them frozen for 6 months!?! That’s the call YOU wanna make?”

“Those people are outside of your jurisdiction. If the FXW Dimension has an office to protect those people, they’ve been asleep at the wheel for half-a-year. We’re not a charity, Flynn. We don’t have the bandwidth to help our dimensional neighbors. We’re trying to preserve THIS dimension’s security. And without that data YOU have access to, we cannot preserve SHIT.”

“...Fuck you, Marie. This isn’t about security. You don’t even know what the XWF is up to. This investigation is PROBATIVE. And you want me to sacrifice 10,000 lives because your superiors have a HUNCH that a HYPOTHETICAL device MIGHT exist.”

“...Sorry, am I being talked down to about ‘hunches’ and ‘body counts’ by the asshole that started a one-man apocalyptic death cult to get a wrestling belt?”

Flynn sighs, shaking his head.

“...Y’know, I met that old me a little earlier today. Turns out I didn’t like him.”

“God dammit, Flynn, this is not a discussion. I am ordering y-”
*click*

“How was Agent Marie Davenport? Did you tell her I said hello?”

The phone starts ringing again.

Flynn snaps the Motorola Razr in half.

“Didn’t get around to it.”

NK screams, panicked. “MY SNAKE HI-SCORE BOARD!”

Flynn tosses the phone remnants back to NK, who bobbles it for a moment before carefully cradling back into his pocket.

“...We can rebuild it…” NK says solemnly… “Better than it was before… Snake-ier…”

Flynn clears his throat to draw the room’s attention.

“Bad news, gang. Backup ain’t coming. We’re on our own.”

Flynn nods at Kato and Hot Dog.

“Objective 1: How do we unfreeze the people in this arena?”

Kato wriggles his nose at Hot Dog. Hot Dog squeal-whispers in his ear.

“One would have to compromise the Broadcast Delay within the vault. Its chronoton array holds the FXWers at this point in spacetime!”

Flynn ponders asking Kato if he can actually speak pig, but he shakes his head. There’s no time.

“Okay, how do we do that?”

NK leans over Flynn’s shoulder from the computer.

“UK had suggested that DNA from a pig would counteract the broadcast delay. His research indicated that…”

Hot Dog grunts indignantly.

“OINK ooiinnkk!”

“Hot Dog would like to remind you that the actual research was conducted by him.”

NK bows politely, with his hand over his heart. “My sincerest apologies.”

Hot Dog oinks, appeased.

“Comrade Professor Hot Dog*’s research indicated that pigs were impervious to the effects of time travel and thus, it’s theoretically possible that an application of swine genetic material to the inside of the vault would destroy the time tunnel itself.”

Flynn squints, a little confused. “I thought he wanted to freeze the entire multiverse. Shouldn’t we… y’know… NOT do the thing he wanted?”

“Indeed, but UK wanted to coat the vault’s INTERIOR, which would have counteracted the containment field, leaving the broadcast delay intact and allowing it to spread. BUT! Perhaps if we apply the material to the CENTER of the vault alone… It will dissipate the broadcast delay!”

Flynn looks over at Hot Dog.

“Hey, Dr. Babe, Pig in the City. Double-check our math. Think this’ll work?”

Hot-Dog’s hoof weaves through the air, doing some internal calculations. He squeals.

“This hypothesis falls within reasonable parameters.”

“Great. So, we need pig DNA…”

Flynn and NK look at Hot Dog and Kato.

Kato blushes and stammers.

“I… I don… We just met and… That is an awkward th-”

“Found it!”

The entire crew turns to look over at Comrade Maria, who is holding a vial, standing over UK’s still-unconscious body.

“Evil Ricky still had this vial in his pocket! This is what he wanted to use to do his evil stuff, right?”

Flynn snaps. “Perfect!”

Maria beams. Kato breathes a sigh of relief.

“Okay. Last part of the formula: We need to get into Robert Miles’ computer.”

NK tilts his head.

“Robert Miles?”

“Oh. Yeah, forgot to tell you. He’s R.M.”

“...The Italian DJ? Who died in 2017? Who you impersonated many years ago to win your XWF World Title?”

Flynn nods.

“...How did you… come to this conclusion, Mark Flynn?”

“He told me… Well, I told me. When I was going through time displasia. I met my past selves.”

…

“And beat them up.”

…NK purses his lips and clicks his tongue.

“...Sooooo. You heard it in a sickness-induced dream?”

Flynn frowns, a little irritated at his vision being questioned.

“It was more of a vision quest… Confronting my past… And thus being given insight into the mystery at large…”

NK scoffs.

“Okay. But, Mark Flynn, you also claim to Agent Marie Davenport that you’re better than the old Mark Flynn? So should we trust his intel? And didn't old Mark Flynn… that you’re not at all like anymore… also believe he should destroy the world… because of a dream?”

NK weighs his hands like a set of uneven scales, before letting gravity balance them out. Like these two Flynns are the same.

Flynn squints.

“Firstly, don’t eavesdrop on my phone calls. Second! W-”

That moment, the roof of the arena creaks and starts to bend inward… The fire is weakening the structure…

Flynn shakes his head.

“We’re not done with this argument.”

Flynn claps once.

“Go-Time!” He points at Kato and Hot Dog. “Team Pig Revere! When we undo the time freeze, FXWers are gonna be lost and confused. We need you to direct them to the nearest exit.”

Kato climbs onto Hot Dog’s back. Kato salutes! The two ride off down the stairs!

“Maria! Keep an eye on UK and the yelly guy!”

“I will MONITOR them!” Maria sits down on top of UK’s unconscious body and rotates to stare at the BOB-Anon’s fingertips, who is still dangling outside the skybox window with a broken nose.

“Okay.” Flynn comes over to NK, at the computer desk.

“So, UK said something about you figuring out the terminal password?”

…NK coughs.

“Essentially, Mark Flynn.”

“...Essentially?”

“I’d narrowed the solution down to several dozen options that, given time, would eventually be narrowed to the correct choice.”

“...So, you mean not at all.”

“No, I mean ‘essentially’, Mark Flynn! In a scenario where the arena was not aflame and time were not of-the-essence, the problem is *essentially* solved!”

“...Fine. Whaddya got?”

NK retrieves his notebook and opens to his code-cracking section. Back to the letters he’d been alternately staring at and pretending to stare at over for many minutes, whilst he subtly interrogated the United Korean…

Quote:I,O,P,A,S,D,K,N

Multiple I’s, Multiple O’s, Multiple P’s, Multiple S’s(?)

Flynn strokes his chin…

“Okay… We can work with this… What password would Robert Miles use?”

NK sighs, exasperatedly.

“Do not taint my code-cracking with your paranoia! What possible reason would a deceased Italian DJ have to do these things, Mark Flynn? Simply because you made a handful of people google him nine years ago?”

Flynn rolls his eyes. “RM IS Robert Miles, NK! It all adds up!”

“To what?”

“To…. something!”

““Something. Feh.” NK waves his hand dismissively.

“Guuuuuuuys! The fiiiiiiiiire!” The flames swirls around the cheap seats in the nosebleed section. Thankfully empty, the FXW show was surprisingly not sold-out. It does creep down towards the frozen attendees though.

“What possible reason would Robert Miles have to… ONE! Become a minority XWF shareholder. TWO! Use his slight pull to draw metahuman individuals to the XWF… Then, THREE! Interfere in your Relentless match with Thaddeus Duke.”

Flynn grunts, exasperated. “I… I don’t have all the pieces yet! But the puzzle is right in front of us!”

“You mean, you’ve ‘essentially’ solved it? Again, I say, Feh, Mark Flynn! FEH!”

Flynn scoffs.

NK scoffs back.

Flynn scoffs in retort.

NK tries to scoff, but ends up choking on his scoff and coughing.

Meanwhile, down in the arena, Kato and Hot Dog have taken to gathering still-frozen FXWers in the hallway and pushing them like statues… Closer to the exit. But at this rate, they’ll never get all 10,000 out in time without their unfreezing…

“Look!” Flynn says, his hand cutting through the air. “Do I know his reasoning yet? No.”

“But, like Agent Marie Davenport, you have a hunch.”

“I have his MOTIVE! Revenge!”

“On you, Mark Flynn?”

“Who else? I stole his identity, I tarnished his brand! I used his name to ruin that Nintendo boxer’s career.”

NK raises an eyebrow. “Nintendo boxer?”

Flynn blushes.

“Uh… Yeah. I regret that… I told some washed-up journeyman boxer from Nintendo Fun Club Boxing that he could be an XWF World Champ. I pretended to coach him while I was Robert Miles. He lost to Slater in 40 seconds. I… uh…”

…

Flynn looks into the eyes of his new student. The one he offered to coach into becoming the XWF Universal Champion.

The one on whom he sold the Optimal Path.

NK spins away from Flynn, to the computer. His fingers dance along the keyboard.

Flynn chews on his tongue, realizing a possible parallel between then and now.

“Um… NK. That’s… That’s the old me. I just want you to know. I’m not doing that to y-”

ACCESS GRANTED. WELCOME, USER ‘rm_xwf’

Flynn turns to the screen, mesmerized. NK slams a few keys… The vault in the corner of the room opens…

Flynn looks at NK, surprised. NK shrugs, befuddled.

“The password. SodaPopinski. It matched the pattern perfectly.”

NK snaps and holds out his hand.

“Comrade Maria! The vial!”

Maria tosses the vial to NK…

NK attempts a behind-the-back catch (for optimum coolness)...

…But on its way, Mark Flynn intercepts it, shaking his head.

“I got this one.”

He pops the cap of the vial, recoiling at the odor.

He breathes, centering himself.

“What are the odds of this working again?”

NK scratches his chin.

“Unclear, Mark Flynn. Our resident expert is a scientist pig who is currently being ridden.”

“...Cool. Good.”

Flynn and NK look at each other.

And nod.

Flynn carefully enters the vault with the vial…

***
Flynn and NK return to the War Room.

“Jay Omega, what is there left to say really?”

“I mean, for the second match in a row, we’re battling the #1 Contenders for the tag titles! The prestigious Double Trouble!”

“And it feels like we’re just talking to ourselves.”

“What a fuckin’ disappointment. And here we were, prepping for this match for months.”

“We’d specifically curated a list of metahuman and science-slash-fantasy-oriented opponents to prepare for our match against you, Omegas!”

“Admittedly, during out last reign, we immediately lost against Impossible Entity. Betsy Granger, time-traveling-asshole and that werewolf who shall remain unnamed.”

“If we had one weakness our last run, it’s that we didn’t have a great record against metahuman anomalies.”

“So, what did we do?”

“We adapted. We worked to soften our weakness.”

“We took a handful of matches against metahumans.”

“Mark Flynn pinned Betsy Granger at the Denzel Porter Invitational, effectively undoing our loss.”

“And then, I turned around and challenged the best oddity the XWF has ever seen: Alias.”

NK’s eyes get all starry, astonished just remembering.

“An incredible performance by Comrade Alias. Truly an honor to call him Comrade.”

Flynn is obviously a little put-out by that.

“Yeah, he’s great. POINT BEING… We’ve taken on the best sci-fi-like competitors the XWF has to offer. We dove face first into our weakness.”

“And how did we come out the other side?”

“Again: 24 seconds!”

“WE BEAT YOU IN FIVE MOVES! AND 24 SECONDS!”

“And our strategies against non-traditional wrestling entities have only become more rigorous.”

“Our methods only more effective.”

“Jay Omega, if you want a shot at earning the XWF Tag Titles…”

Flynn and NK grin.

“You better get in your spaceship and find another dimension.”

“Cuz in this one? Flynn and NK have it LOCKED DOWN.”
***
“-eceiving word that our feed is currently experiencing technical difficulties! It’s April 1st, of course, things will go wrong, haha. But don’t touch that dial, coming up next, we’ve got…” Suddenly, Heather Hezziwell smells smoke, her commentary interrupted mid-thought stream…

“Fire… The arena is on fire! THE ARENA IS ON FIRE!”

Suddenly, 10,000 FXWers, completely unaware they’ve been frozen in time for the last six months, snap awake and immediately find themselves amidst a raging inferno descending onto them!

From the back curtain bursts a… North Korean officer riding a very large pig. He’s unwrapped the package he took from the backseat and reveals… a megaphone.

He turns it on with the tug of his index finger and holds it to his mouth!

“ATTENTION ATTENDEES! PLEASE EVACUATE THE ARENA IN A CALM, ORDERLY MANNER! YOUR NEAREST EXITS SHOULD PROVIDE AVENUES OF ESCAPE AS PER NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION REGULATIONS!”

Immediately the arena’s audience starts filing out, narrowly avoiding the raging fire

“THIS ARENA WAS BUILT WITH A MULTITUDE OF EXITS! PLEASE MOVE TO THE NEAREST ONE IN A BRISK FASHION!”

Pip the Jolly Green Giant carries several people, including his broadcast partner on his back… The arena’s population begins to thin…

***

Flynn steps out of the vault… with an empty vial.

“Okay, sounds like we’ve got a live crowd! Step 2, let’s get the hard drive and…”

*click*

The sound of a gun cocking.

Flynn sighs… And slowly turns…

To see The United Korean Peace Officer. Bleeding from the forehead.

With Maria as a human shield.

And NK’s gun held to her head.

“Dammit, Maria. I gave you one job!”

“No! You gave me two jobs, Kyodai! I had to watch Evil Ricky AND the yelly guy!”

Flynn peers over to the window where they’d left the BOB-Anon… His fingertips are no longer hanging.

“BOB-Anon is gone! You didn’t do either job right!”

“I didn’t say I did! I was just correcting you on how many jobs you gave me!”

…

Flynn squeezes his temples.

“Fine.”

Flynn points.

“Let her go, asshole. It’s over. We disrupted the Broadcast Delay. The Hot Dog material you had is gone. Your terrible peace plan’s dead-as-disco.”

UK chuckles weakly.

“You impudent fool. There are other pigs… And XWF has other time tunnels.”

Flynn’s eyes widen.

“All I need is that computer’s hard drive… and I’ll have a nigh-limitless list of arenas I may travel to… To actualize my beautiful multiversal peace!”

Maria tries to battle out of UK’s grip…

UK grapples her so they’re chest-to-chest, but keeps the barrel against her temple.

“To achieve my dream as United Korean Peace Officer!”

Maria gasps, looking behind her captor.

“Ricky!”

From behind UK, NK slowly rises.

Flynn smiles, like everything is under control.

NK… has the computer tower…

Flynn’s smile disappears. His face whitens.

“WAIT! NO!”

UK sees Flynn’s face contort and spins…

…

Just in time to get the tower smashed into his face!

UK collapses unconscious… The gun clatters to the floor out of his grip. The computer is crushed into pieces…

Maria is in awe of this bravery and heroism. Flynn’s buried his face in his hands.

NK straightens his collar.

“Now that he’s shut up, perhaps we’ll have some PEACE around here…”

*drum*

“CRIMINAL! *drum* CRIMINAL!”

…

“You see, that is my internal theme son-”

Flynn smacks NK in the back of the head.