A webcam. Flynn is sitting at his computer… The Kenta Kobayashi Maru as he calls it.

The expression on his face rests somewhere between dumbfounded… And thoroughly disappointed.

“NK! Bourbon just cut a promo on us.”

“What?!?”

NK bursts in from the right side of the screen with a bucket of popcorn and a large soda!

“Dash it all! I only left a moment ago to retrieve refreshments! And in that short time, I missed the epic return of Bobby Bourbon to our Universe?!?”

“...Yup.”

NK takes the empty chair next to Flynn’s.

“Well… Please, Mark Flynn! Describe it to me! Paint me a PORTRAIT OF WORDS!”

NK’s eyes alight with possibility imagining all the different things Bobby could have been planning while he was away.

“Did he present a scene of chaos, rife with parody and satire?!? Did he verbally burn those that wronged him and declare his rightful place as future Universal Champion? Did he play delightfully off of Barney Green’s cryptocurrency ventures?!?”

NK gasps with delight!

“Did he recite more Crimson Godzilla X Kaiju fan fiction?!?!”

“Nah, he just… uh… Well, The Bastards are holding a hot-dog eating contest.”

…

“And?”

Flynn smacks his lips.

“Uh. It’s for… charity?”

NK strokes his chin.

“Isn’t that essentially a re-tread for the Bastards? They had an eating contest back in April between Bobby and TK.”

“...Yeah, they did. But that was Rocky Mountain Oysters. So, there was a gross-out factor there. The Bastards are… just eating hot dogs.”

…

“For charity.”

…

“Like a… a LOT… a lot of hot dogs.”

NK… sighs.

“Huh. Okay.”

Flynn leans in.

“What are you feeling right now, bud?”

“...Honestly, Mark Flynn? Somewhat disappointed.”

Flynn purses his lips… but then nods.

“Yeah, yeah, I understand. You and Bob-bo have like a six year rivalry brewing and he… uh… man, not a lot of meat on the new idea bone here.”

“Indeed. In terms of disappointment, it sounds like Bobby Bourbon sent in the ‘Fallout 76 of Return Promos’.”

Flynn guffaws.

“Easy with the 2018 references, NK. Bobby’s apparently not a fan.”

“Speaking of 2018… Bobby Bourbon put out the ‘2018 US Men’s Soccer Team of Return Promos’…”

Flynn giggles, then tries to put on a stern face… Then, gives in.

“All right, all right, I got one…”

Flynn clears his throat.

“Bourbon just dropped the ‘Solo: A Star Wars Story of Return Promos’.”

Flynn slaps his knee, chuckling at his own goof.

NK is stone-faced.

“...C’mon, that was a good 2018 one…”

“I’m quite certain it was, Mark Flynn. But I haven’t seen the film.”

Flynn sighs.

“All right, if we’re going to play this game, let’s take it to the War Room…”

Flynn claps

***

Jump Cut to Flynn and NK in the War Room. Standing in front of the chalkboard.

“Now, where were we?”

“We were roasting Bobby Bourbon for spending his pocket dimension vacation without thinking up any new material.”

“Oh, yeah, totally. Except I guess he didn’t get Snapped?”

NK scratches his head.

“What do you mean, Mark Flynn?”

“Bourbsy just kinda said he feels fine, then made jokes about us making a 2018 reference.”

“...Hmm, that’s odd. Especially considering there’s video evidence of his exiting our world…”

NK looks past the camera.

“Actually, can we roll the clip?”

Quote:As TK says this his face shows unknowingness, Bobby starts fading away.

What the hell is going on?

Bobby puts his hand on his stomach, as TK looks on in horror.

I don't feel very good. I think I ate too many mushrooms.

Bobby is still fading but slowly.

Well, I'm not tripping and you're fading away! What the fuck is going on?

TK starts to step closer to Bobby and reaches out to help his best friend.

Man, these shrooms are the shi-

Just like that before Bobby could even finish his sentence, he completely disappears. TK is completely stunned. Charlie looks at TK in disbelief.

Back to Flynn and NK.

“Bobby, we might be crazy. We might even be a little kooky. But we’re not fucking dumb.”

“Bobby Bourbon, we are so glad to hear you’re fine now. And if you ever have a free hour to come down to the lab so we can run some tests and learn… Where you went and what happened while you were there?”

NK delivers a thumbs up.

“We’d love to hear from you! For Science!”

“But this bullshit about you not getting Thanos-snapped? We saw it! Everybody in the back that put money on TK pounding Main into irrelevance saw in the lead-up you fade away like the fucking other two kids in Back to the Future?”

“Like… Um…”

“C’mon, NK, like those baseball players in Field of Dreams. Or Luke Skywalker in Last Jedi. Apparently, Bobby’s issue is our reference was too 2018 for him… Let’s hit him with other fadey references!”

NK blushes.

“I apologize, Mark Flynn! I’m unfamiliar with these American films! I’ve still only ever seen Iron Giant and Juwanna Mann!”

…

Flynn sighs.

“See, Bourbsy! NK and I only sometimes finish each other’s…”

Flynn points at NK. NK looks confused.

“Uh… Oh! Sentences!”

Flynn shakes his head and shrugs.

“We’ve made big strides in team unity, but we’re still working on it!”

…

“Of course, it’s worth mentioning that even on our climb, while I was still teaching NK Tag-Team fundamentals… we still managed to snag the belts off you and TK.”

NK lifts the tag belt off his waist and holds it over his head.

“Git gud, Bobby Bourbon!”

“We had a brief skid, losing a match on a stacked stipulation against Impossible Entity… won a tune-up game against Salt & Pepper then lost an openly RIGGED match against APEX, as you pointed out.”

“...However, then we turned around, re-tooled our game, made strategic improvements and won our belts back. Now, sure, like you said, we lost to APEX and we barely slid by you. But that was three months of improvement ago. Now, we’re the best tag team we’ve ever been.”

“Comparing notes, what the fuck have the Bastards done in the tag division since we beat ‘em? One No Contest in like three months?”

Flynn lifts his belt off his own waist to join the space next to NK’s.

“We’ve beaten TWO of the greatest tag-teams in all of XWF History… In just the last few months. And we became only one of FOUR total teams in this company’s 23 year history… To hold these belts twice.”

Flynn winks.

“Something that no combination of Bastards can claim to have done.”

NK tut-tuts.

“Tread carefully, Mark Flynn. We apparently spoke errantly in our first promo.”

‘Whaddya mean, NK?”

“We referred to Barney Green as an Honorary No-Good Bastard. Apparently, he is worthy of no-such honorific.”

Flynn scratches his head then shrugs.

“Our mistake, I guess. I suppose we just got confused because Barney has been trying to insert himself into Bastard matches for almost three months now.”

“When Bobby originally got sent to the Phantom Zone, way back in December, TK was scheduled for Savage against RL and Corey… Who offered to step up, but Barney Green?”

“Barney Green, The Standby Bastard! Unfortunately, Barney Green was ambushed pre-match by some cowardly security guard who refused free BarnCoin and thus missed out on the investment opportunity of a lifetime!”

“THEN, Bobby comes back from the Shadow Realm, SPECIFICALLY asking for one of his Bastard Brothers to step and tag alongside him… Lo and behold, who steps up… But the brains behind BarnCoin, Barney Green? Asking if he could be considered an Honorary Bastard.”

“...And also, y’know… In his promo, he called himself an Honorary Bastard.”

Quote:I may only be an honorary bastard but I say bring it on.

Flynn scratches his head.

“I mean, fine. Despite ALL THAT EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY… Maybe Barney isn’t a Bastard?”

NK nods.

“He seems very kind. He sent me another nine free BarnCoin, adding up to 16 total.”

Flynn’s eye twitches just thinking about cryptocurrency before he shakes his head.

“That said… It seems like, maybe for clout and to get the word out about his crypto scam, Barn-Dog really wants to be a Bastard.”

Flynn shrugs.

“Of course, I don’t know how much talky time he gets to plug his product while Bobby Bourbon is in the driver’s seat.”

NK laughs.

“Haha, I know! Di-”

“I mean, did you see how hard Bourbsy was working to cut off Barn-dog at every opportunity.”

“Indeed! An-”

“And just how hard Barney had to work to squeeze in any back-and-forth?”

“..Yes, I di-”

“And then when Barney tried to chime in and imply that he wanted to bounce energy back and forth off Bourbon, ol’ Bobby was like ‘Eh, why would we do that? We’ll just do it in the ring.’ LIKE IN-RING RAPPORT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH COMMUNICATION!”

“Y-”

“It’s obvious to anyone with eyes that Bobby trusts Barney just about as far as he can throw the big lard! And we’re supposed to believe these two will gel in the ring together?!? HA!”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Did you notice that, N-”

“YES, I NOTICED THAT, MARK FLYNN.”

Flynn and NK then look at the camera in unison.

“Now, would you rather we cut promos that way, Bobby Bourbon?”

“Or should we just keep doing it our way?”

“As in, better than you?”

Flynn and NK slap a low-five.

“Let’s face it, Bobby Bourbon’s return promo? Most of our inaccuracies were because we’re fans of Bobby Bourbon and hoped for more.”

NK looks up, brimming with hope.

“Oh! Bobby Bourbon’s return to the ring! Surely, he plans to stake a claim for his old title belt! He’ll right all the wrongs and take back the glory that is rightfully his.”

Flynn reaches out and lowers NK’s chin, toward the floor.

“Nah… Apparently, Bobby’s back to eat hot dogs and treat non-title matches like they don’t lead to bigger and better opportunities down the line.”

Flynn shrugs.

“We were wrong.”

NK tsk-tsks.

“My, oh my… Look at the egg on our face.”

“Yup, Bobby sure showed us by saying how wrong we were for…” Flynn checks his notes… “Believing in him.”

NK sighs, bitterly.

“Indeed. He certainly showed us.”

“Feels like Bobby lost about 30 IQ points while he was in the Space Between Spaces.”

“Which means he must be down to…” NK checks his notes. “20 total.”

NK and Flynn chuckle and bump fists.

“Welp, pretty sure we just fucking melted Bourbsy’s whole XWF return hype into fucking soot and vapor…”

“Indeed. What remains then, Mark Flynn?”

Flynn laughs and smiles into the camera!

“Well! We have one more opponent this week, NK!”

“And that’s why…”

Flynn claps again!

***

The tag champs jump cut… But remain in the War Room. Now Flynn is dressed in a suit and tie. And NK is standing behind a game show booth.

“We’re about to play America’s Favorite New Game!”

Flynn points at three words on the board. A studio audience screams along with him!

“WHAT!”

“IS!”

“BARNCOIN!”

Flynn chuckles with a dangling Bob Barker microphone at his side.

“We are so excited you decided to join us for this episode of ‘What is BarnCoin?’ Let’s meet our contestant for the day!”

Flynn jogs over across the chalkboard to NK, behind a contestant podium. He looks somewhat confused.

Flynn reaches into his pocket and retrieves an index card.

“Now, our contestant today is… NK! Am I saying your name correctly?”

Flynn pokes the Bob Barker microphone into NK’s face.

NK waves his hand, smacking away the microphone.

“It will suffice.”

“NK! It says here you own 16 BarnCoin?”

NK smiles and nods.

“Yes! Indeed! I am proud to have invested early in the BarnCoin phenomenon and am eager to see my returns continue to grow over time!” NK pumps his fists triumphantly as the crowd applauds.

“I’m sure you are! Very exciting! Well, let’s play the game! Rules are simple. I’m going to ask you a single question. And you just answer it to the best of your ability. Any and all correct or factual statements made that sufficiently answer the question will earn you points!”

“Haha!” NK laughs. “A childishly simple game. It sounds like I barely need to write down the rules…” NK smiles… Then, retrieves his notebook and proceeds to write down the rules exactly.

“Just to be safe…”

“Of course! NK! Are you ready to play…”

The crowd screams again…

“WHAT!”

“IS!”

“BARNCOIN!”

NK delightedly nods his head.

“Yes! I am ready to succeed!”

Flynn nods and retrieves another index card.

“All right… Your first question!”

NK nods, lowering his head in anticipation.

“What… IS… Barncoin…?”

In the background, you can hear a clock ticking. On the screen, a 30 second countdown appears.

NK… hesitates.

“Um… Uh… Well. It is a cryptocurrency!”

Flynn nods.

“Correct! One point!”

DING!

1 point appears on NK’s podium.

NK nods…

“Um… Yes! It’s a… uh… crypto… cryptocurrency.”

Flynn nods, encouraging NK to continue.

“20 seconds.”

“It was invented by Barney Green.”

BZZZT! A sharp error sound effect.

Flynn’s brow tilts apologetically.

“I’m sorry, NK! That’s something ABOUT BarnCoin. We’re specifically looking for what BarnCoin IS!”

NK nods.

“Ah, of course! It’s um… A cryptocurrency.”

“10 seconds.”

“It’s a… currency. That is crypto.”

“5 seconds.”

“Uh uh uh… It’s the future of finance!”

“BZZZZZZZT!”

“Ah, I’m sorry, NK! Tough first round, that last sentence MIGHT have gotten you a point… If it wasn't just more empty buzzwords!”

Flynn laughs. The audience laughs. NK looks somewhat disappointed.

Flynn pats the Korean contestant on the shoulder.

“Hey hey! That’s okay! You’re leaving the first round with one point! Which means you’re tied for the most points people have left round one with since the inception of this game!”

NK smiles like this is fantastic news! …Then, his brow furrows like… Wait...

“We move onto round two and this is our video bonus round! We have clips we borrowed straight from BarnCoin founder, Barney Green himself!”

“The video round is incredibly simple! We’re going to show you promotional clips of Barney Green promoting BarnCoin! And then you can use anything from those clips to explain what BarnCoin is! If you feel you’ve said all the facts you can, just say ‘NEXT CLIP!’ and we’ll play another BG Corporation clip for you!”

“Do you understand the rules?”

“Um… Yes!”

“Okay! NK! Are you ready?”

“Yes!” NK nods confidently! “Yes! I feel much better about the video round!”

“Fantastic! Okay, now… I’m going to ask the question, then we’ll start the clip! …Here’s your question!”

“What… IS… BarnCoin? And start clip number one!”

Quote:Just remember, BarnCoin is the future and a quick investment will make you see the riches over time.

Barney adjusts his eye patch while he continues speaking.

We accept all forms of payment. So please invest and I can help you grow your finances fast. We are already taking off. Signing agreements everywhere for sponsorship. This is the next best thing since sliced bread.

…The clock ticks again in the background.

“Uh…Uh… It’s the next best thing since sliced bread!”

“BZZZT!”

“We’re gonna need a specific description!”

“Uh… it’s… uh… It’s taking off!”

“BZZZT!”

“We need you to describe the actual traits of BarnCoin! Perhaps its functionality roadmap or what services it plans to provide for its users!”

“Uh… Uh UH UH! NEXT CLIP!”

Quote:Just remember, Please invest in BarnCoin and be the people that help take the financial industry to its knees. I've built companies before and am a proven star.

“Ah ah! It’ll bring the financial industry to its knees!”

Flynn looks to the back.

“Judges?”

“BZZZT!”

Flynn sighs, disappointedly.

“I’m sorry, NK! That’s still just buzzwords! 12 seconds!”

“Uh… UH AHHHHHH! NEXT CLIP!”

Quote:Please visit BarnCoin.tk for more info about this life saving investment. We have helped millions of people already and we are only just getting started.

“It’s a… It’s a cryptocurrency!”

“EHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The time runs out.

Flynn shakes his head, disappointed.

“I’m so sorry, NK! You said that in round one, and you cannot get points for the same answer!”

NK sighs. The crowd bellows an awwwwww.

“NK! It feels like maybe you’re not doing as well at this game as you thought you would?”

NK nods.

“Indeed. I must admit I feel I am underperforming thus far…”

Flynn squeezes NK’s shoulder in game-show sympathy.

“Now now! I wouldn’t say that! You’re still tied for the most points anyone has ever scored after two rounds! And you’ve still got THE LIGHTNING ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUND!”

Flynn takes NK by the arm and scoots him around the contestant podium as the crowd claps. Flynn walks NK to center-stage.

“Now, NK! The lightning round is very simple!”

NK nods… he’s already retrieved his notebook to write down rules.

“I am going to read you a statement... that is either TRUE or FALSE.”

NK nods.

“Aha! And I merely have to correctly guess whether the answer is true or false to receive the point.”

Flynn shakes his head.

“Oh, no. You don’t actually have to get the answer correctly. All you have to do is answer confidently like you know what you’re talking about. If you can do that, regardless of whether you’re correct or incorrect… You get the point!”

…NK laughs.

“So, I can get the question wrong, but as long as I answer like I am correct, I’ll receive one point?”

Flynn nods. “Yep, it seems like you have the concept.”

NK cackles confidently, tucking away his notebook. “HAHA! My victory is assured!”

…Flynn looks into the camera. “I’m sure it is! Let’s put sixty seconds on the clock!”

A 60 second counter appears on the screen. Flynn reaches into his back pocket to retrieve a stack of notecards.

“And let’s begin!”

“Statement #1: BarnCoin utilizes the blockchain.”

NK smiles, nodding.

“Yes! Er… True!”

…

“I mean, it has be ON the blockchain, right? Otherwise, it wouldn't be a cryptocurrency.”

...

“Wait, is it on the blockchain?”

“BZZZZZZT!”

“Ooof. I’m sorry, NK! That sounded uncertain! Remember, confidence!”

NK grunts frustratedly.

Flynn flips to the next notecard.

“Statement #2: BarnCoin utilizes a proof-of-work consensus protocol AND proof-of-stake consensus protocol.”

NK nods.

“Yes! True!”

…

DING!

“All right! One point!”

“Huzzah! Now, may I ask, what are those things?”

BZZZT!

“Oh, I am sorry, NK! We have to take away that point. Back to zero.”

Flynn flips to the next notecard.

“Statement #3: 1 BarnCoin is currently worth exactly 25 US Dollars!”

NK pumps his fist!

“YES! YES! TRUE!”

NK reaches into his pocket for his 2003 Motorola Razr. He flips it open to his BarnCoin CoinBarn app.

“YOU SEE! IT SAYS IN THE MINIATURE PRICE TRACKER ON MY APPLICATION! EACH OF MY BARNCOIN IS WORTH $25 PER UNIT!”

DING!

Flynn nods impressed!

“Wow! That was very confident! One point for sure!”

Flynn leans into NK’s shoulder.

“Want to go double-or-nothing on a follow-up question?”

NK nods emphatically.

“ABSOLUTELY!”

“Have you ever TRIED to sell your BarnCoin in the BarnCoin CoinBarn app?”

“...Uh… Well, no.”

BZZZZT!

“Oh, I’m so sorry, NK! Subtract one, we’re back to zero!”

The crowd starts to chant! 10! 9! 8!

“Last Statement: BarnCoin is secure, scalable, and has much smaller gas fees than other cryptocurrencies!”

“...”

7! 6! 5!

“Uh…”

4! 3!

“OH… WHO THE FUCK KNOWS!”

DING DING DING DING!

Balloons and streamers rain down from the sky! Flynn laughs and claps his hands. NK looks around mesmerized as the studio audience applauds.

“Congratulations, NK! You acknowledged the secret fact: No one knows what the fuck BarnCoin is, what it does or almost anything about it!”

Flynn reaches out and shakes NK’s hand!

“You exit round three with an all-time high for this game: TWO POINTS!”

NK shakes Flynn’s hand emphatically!

“Another glorious victory in the name of my homeland! What is my prize?”

“Two dollars!”

…

“Oh. Well. I suppose that’s better than nothing.”

“Of course, that’s after we go through round 4… Which is subtracting one point for every BarnCoin you own!”

The 2 on NK’s podium flips downward into the negatives...

“Your actual final score is negative 14! Which means you owe me 14 American dollars.”

NK sighs.

“...Could I pay my debt in BarnCoin?”

“No, you cannot!”

NK sighs again.

“Well, that’s gonna do it for us here at War Room Studios! Join us next time on…”

“WHAT!”

“IS!”

“BARNCOIN!”