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Thaddeus Duke · (09-06-2019)

[duke]7:01 AM | Homeroom | John Adams Academy | New Haven, Connecticut[/duke]

I missed a lot. I’m not proud of it, but I let the pressures of my real world life get the better of me and I tucked tail and I ran. I ran fast. Fast enough that no one would catch me. No one would find me. At least for a time. That respit though, allowed me to refresh myself. It allowed me to recalibrate and refocus myself onto the most important aspect of my life. I’m not sure how anyone else sees it, what’s more is, I don’t really care how they see it, but school is the most important thing to me on a personal level. Experiencing real life outside of the Illuminatus and outside of the XWF while also learning new things is the most facinating part of my existence. Forming bonds and forging lasting friendships, it can’t be bought no mattewr how much money I have in my bank account.

While I was away, holed up in an ancient rundown castle in Scotland, I kept up with my studies. John Adams Academy allowed “Jack Fitzgerald” to learn with them abroad. Today though, its back to school. The brick and mortar campus outside of New Haven. I genuinely missed the human interaction from this place. Outside of the Illuminatus and Jimmy, Curtis Joseph is my best friend. He’s a great kid with a big heart that genuinely cares about other people. Truth be told, I even missed Garrett despite the cunt he can be at times. He’s a little different now. Since he came out to me he’s felt more comfortable opening up to others. To his surprise, most people have accepted him for who he is. He gets some looks and remarks here and there from the school bigots- every school has them- but they leave him be for the most part.

I enter my homeroom class just before the bell rings. As responsible as I am, promptness is NOT a strength. I run late for everything. School is no exception. Anyway, as I walk in I’m greeted by both Curt and Garrett and several others welcoming me back to school. If I said it didn’t feel good to be genuinely liked and accepted, I’d be lying. This like and this acceptance is different than what you see on XWF television, when I’m in front of the fans and under the lights. Forging bonds with human beings… that’s what life is really all about.

”Dude when I heard about Illumin...” Curt begins before I interrupt him.

[duke]”Nah man, don’t talk about that,”[/duke] I say, interrupting my friend.

”Bro, seriously, we were afraid the worst had happened,” Garrett says.

”Why don’t you want us to talk about it?”

[duke]”I haven’t showed my audience yet. Spoil it now, it takes away from the drama of the whole damn thing if I do decide to show it,”[/duke] I say with a smile as I take my seat at the desk between the two of theirs.

”Maybe you can settle something for us,” Garrett says, changing the subject as he and Curt both take their seats on either side of me. ”We were just arguing about South Park. Have you seen it?”

[duke]”Seriously? I’ve seen nearly every episode.”[/duke] I’m not lying. I love that fucking show.

”Ok, well I say Kyle is the best character and Curt thinks its Butters. Settle it.”

[duke]”Really? I woulda had you pegged for a Tweak or Craig vote...”[/duke] I saw with a sly smile.

”How come?” he asks, none the wiser.

Curt laughs.

”Ohhhh… Because they’re gay. Right, that’s funny. Anyway, best character?”

[duke]”Curt is close but you’re both wrong,”[/duke] I state emphatically. They both look at me bemused. [duke]”Kyle is a self righteous prick most of the time. Butters? I love Butters. He’s my second favorite character. He’s not real smart and he’s always being taken advantage of by Cartman, but he has a sweet 8 year old innocence and naivete about him that just makes him extremely endearing.

“Kenny McCormick though, that’s the best, most complex character in the show.”[/duke]

”Whaaaat?”

”Dude, no fuckin’ way. I mean, yeah his sexual promiscuity at a young age and his deaths are always funny, but 90% of the time you can’t even understand what he’s saying.”

[duke]”That’s all true, but Kenny is a good kid at the heart of it all and an outstanding big brother. It’s obvious to me that anytime the creators want to get a little more serious, they call on Kenny McCormick. Why? Because he’s the shit. I mean look, he’s this child super hero with immortality. He tries to explain that to his friends and first of all they don’t believe him, but then they all think it’d be cool to be immortal and Kenny’s just like ‘no it fucking sucks and it hurts like hell.’ What bothered him most about it was all the pain and suffering he goes through and no one ever remembers that he died.

“He sacrifices himself to save the planet when Satan tries to take over Earth. When his parents get busted and he and his brother and sister get put into foster care? Yeah, the little girl is crying and scared and what does Kenny do? He dresses up in his Mysterion costume and climbs up to her window to calm her down. She says ‘anytime I need you, you always appear.’ The kid says ‘and I always will be here when you need me’ or something like that.

“That’s love guys. That’s pure.

“Not to mention when he’s working for Shitty Wok...”[/duke]

”Jack? Language.”

[duke]”Sorry Miss Stevens,”[/duke] She didn’t hear us say fuck the other 13 times though. Also I'm not sorry. [duke]”Anyway he earns very little money because the white guy that thinks he’s Chinese is about to go out of business. What does Kenny do with what little he earned? Does he go and buy the latest video game? Does he buy himself some sweet new toy that’s all the rage in South Park?

“No. He buys his little sister a brand new doll. He’s literally the most outwardly loving and caring character on the show. It’s not even a contest."[/duke]

”That’s all well and good, but what’s up with the stupid parka he’s always wearing?”

”Yeah, really.”

[duke]”Guys… are you kidding me? Having shitty parents yourselves, I’m apalled by the fact that this is lost on both of you.

“Like… are we watching the same damn show?”[/duke]

”Mr. Fitzgerald! Language!”

[duke]”Sorry!”[/duke] Fuck! I keep forgetting.

”All I’m saying is if he was really that important of a character, then they wouldn’t keep him in the parka most of the time and have his voice so muffled that you can’t understand him.”

[duke]”Okay, remember the episode I was just talking about where he tells Stan and Kyle that he’s immortal?”[/duke] They both nod. [duke]”In the same episode, he’s reborn through his mother and placed in that same orange parka on his bed. When he wakes up, he’s full grown 8 year old Kenny with the parka. Now, his parents are fucking deadbeats...”[/duke] Shit!

”John Patrick Fitzgerald!” shouts Miss Stevens from her desk chair.

Oh shit. She used all 3.

”Do we need to have a meeting with your father and the Headmaster?”

[duke]”No ma’am.”[/duke]

”Curse again in my classroom and that’s exactly what’ll happen young man!”

[duke]”I apologize, Miss Stevens, I promise it won’t happen again.”[/duke] Yeahhhh it will.

”Dude your middle name is Patrick?”

Curt and I just stare at Garrett and his buffoonery.

”Bro, that’s not even his real name at all, dipshit.”

”Oh fuck.” God dammit Garrett.

”I’ve had it!”

Oh hell.

”Mister Wentworth, Mister Joseph and Mister Fitzgerald… the three of you have detention with me the rest of this week!”

Gahhhh. What a buzzkiller.

[duke]”So as I was saying, his parents are crap right? He gets no love, no affection from them at all right? So the parka is like a security blanket. It’s his safe space. It’s where he feels the most comfortable and at home.”[/duke]

”You’re right I think.”

[duke]”That is not news.”[/duke]

”No I mean, now that I think about it, anytime he’s nervous or scared, he always pulls the drawstrings so his hood gets tighter.”

[duke]”Gentlemen, my work here is done.”[/duke]

”What d’ya wanna do after school guys? Wanna go to Jack’s house and play some Red Dead?”

Fuck. Not Red Dead Redemption 2. I haven’t been able to play it in like 6 months.

[duke]”Well, I have detention after school soooo…”[/duke]

”Yeah, thanks Garrett, ya frickin’ a-hole!”

”Have you played lately Jack?”

[duke]”I’ve been a little busy and stuff.”[/duke] I lied. Not entirely, but still.

”Oh my God.”

”What?”

”Jack you’re STILL mourning Trigger’s death!?” Curtis mocks me.

Know what? Fuck you Curt.

”Jesus! That was 6 months ago, at least!”

6 months, 5 days, 14 hours and 21 minutes to be exact. But who’s counting?

[duke]”You guys wouldn’t understand! He was a good horse! I got him after like the first mission in Valentine! He got me out of so much trouble!”[/duke]

”Just get another one!”

[duke]”I did! But it isn’t the same!”[/duke]

”How did it die anyway?”

[duke]”It? IT!? You unimaginable bastard! HE had a name! HIS name was Trigger!”[/duke]

”Tell him.”

Dammit.

Siggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. Saddle up, cowboys.

[duke]”Well, you know the mission later in the game where you rob a bank in Saint Denis? Well afterwards, I was going into Saint Denis to pay off the bounty. But the bounty was so high and I didn’t think about it ahead of time, but they sent a posse after me when I was just entering the city.

“I turn tail and run ok? And the posse is still after me, shooting at me, killing me so I had to turn and fire back. And you know how difficult it is to fire behind you while traveling forward on your horse. Anyway, I ended up steering my horse off the end of a rail bridge. It wasn’t that high but it was high enough to throw me off of Trigger and cause a grave injury to him.

“So I get back up right? My vision is all fuzzy and my bearings ain’t right because I was just shot like 50 times plus got thrown off head first. I search around for Trigger to get the hell out of there and I see him next to the rail bridge writhing in pain. So I run over as fast as my badly injured body could to revive him and just as I was reaching for the reviver in my satchel I was cut down by the posse effectively killing Trigger in the process.”[/duke]

There. Fuck you.

”That…… Actually that sound kind of traumatic.”

[duke]”It was horrible.”[/duke]

”I mean, I knew the story but I totally get it man. I mean, I always get attached to computerized characters.”

[duke]”You’re having fun with me?”[/duke]

”The funnest.”

I nod at both of them, trying hard not to laugh.

[duke]”In the famous words of Eric Cartman… Screw you guys, I’m goin’ hoooome.”[/duke]

I stand up and walk toward the door.

”Jack! Wait! It’s not time for first period yet!”

I stop at the door and point to the ceiling. Just as I do so, the bell rings signaling the end of homeroom.

[duke]The more things change the more they stay the same here in the XWF. All these legends coming back and my dad getting involved with all that. Rumor has it he’s gonna have a match at Relentless and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little excited about it. When it comes to wrestling we’re two entirely different people but at the end of it all, he’s my dad, he’s a legend and I’ve never shared a card with him before. I’ve never seen him work live before.

People say a lot of things about me. Granted, that sorta comes with the territory, but still, they say things. They try to make it seem like I am somehow less than others, not as good as others… when I came back the first part of this year, maybe that was true. I never did quite find what made me special, what separated me from the rest, but here we are all these months later after my unfortunate sabatical and I’m handpicked to take over the mantle of Television champion.

This time around is going the way my return was supposed to go all along. All I do is win. All I do is put on clinics. All I do is remind people just who I am and what I’m all about. All I do is put asses in seats. Night in and night out, week after week after week, all I do is prove again and again that I am better than you and next Saturday night on Savage it will be no different.

See, BigD can wallow around in his little make believe wonderland of believing that guys like Peter Gilmour and Mastermind are legitimate competition here in the XWF but I promise you they’re a bit light in the loafers, a few fries short of a happy meal as it relates to in-ring competition.

I’m not one to go in blind against another competitior...[/duke] Thad takes out a gigantic, oversized book with what looks to be ancient leather bindings and flips it open. [duke]Big D, It looks… like… someone forgot to write down all your major victories.[/duke] He tosses the book to the floor with a thud. [duke]One can only equate your life to fiction before you start to mimic it amirite?

Credit to King Joffrey, Circa season… I don’t fuckin’ know.

Either somewhat forgot to write ‘em down or its simply because you have yet to create one. You should be hungry. You should be frothing at the mouth and licking your chops, eager to face the biggest and the best that this company has to offer because the XWF really is where the real men play. You should be pissed off that you haven’t gotten anywhere. You should be pissed off that you have to eat crow after not defeating guys like Mastermind and that laughing stock Peter Gilmour. Instead you put on your aw shucks middle aged white man pants sayin’ ‘golly gee gosh darnit, I’ll get ‘em next time.’ Except next time never fucking comes. You come out time after time accepting your loss like a man, and that’s commendable, that’s one of the fuckin’ keys to getting better, but you never do a fucking thing to right the ship. You never learn a fucking thing despite wrestling week after week after week.

How many failures is it gonna take, Big D, before you wise up and figure out that there’s something missing in your game that you just can’t quite put your finger on? Maybe it sounds like I’m pounding you for it D, but I’m not. I know what it’s like to come here, set expectations for yourself and then quickly you get humbled by the competition. Earlier this year, I was where you are. I returned to the XWF after a year and a half and I wasn’t my old self. I wasn’t the show stealin’, high flyin’, prodigal son of a legend anymore… I was just… some kid not having as much fun as I was used to.

Then things happened, D. Things happened that forced me away from competition. Things happened that allowed me the opportunity to refocus my craft and refocus my life, D. I’m back now and I this time its for good. I’m back now D and as good as I was in my original run here in the XWF, where I headlined a major pay per view and came within a cunt hair of becoming the first ever second generation Universal Champ. As good as I was then, I reckon I’m ever better now.

That’s not good for you Daniel. I mean no disrespect, but you’d struggle against a guy like me on my worst day and my confidence is through the fuckin’ roof right now. My in-ring ability always was damn near unrivaled. And you better not come at me with your aw shux attitude at Savage homie. I want you pissed off. I want you fuckin’ hungry. I want you to go out to that ring and slap the taste outta my mouth. I want you to face me in that ring and make main event magic with your next Television champion.

Let me warn you Daniel, you better bring everything you got. Every ounce of inner courage you can muster because if you don’t, after I retrieve my Television championship, I might just pin you in the cventer of the ring and take your Xtreme title as well. Yeah I know, the whole double champ rule. I get it. But if you think I couldn’t do that, I invite you to look back into the XWF film vaults. There’s a point in time where yours truly pins Micheal Graves in the middle of a battle royal for something else entirely different… and I won the Xtreme title.

Be on your game Dan, because I sure as shit will be on mine.[/duke]

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