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**Vincent Lane** · (01-07-2017)

Coming at you from the Mata Elang International Stadium in Jakarta, Indonesia... THIS IS WEDNESDAY NIGHT WARFARE!!!!

Shandell Jones
- vs -
Killjoy
- vs -
Duke Preston
First man to score TWO falls wins.

Benito Angelo and "The 4-20 Kid" Aldo Nardozzi
- vs -
Kid Kool and Broken Hart

Z
- vs -
Brandon Moore

Thaddeus Duke
- vs -
"The Radical" Gabe Reno
X-Treme Championship Number One Contender's Match
X-TREME RULES

Glisten
- vs -
Peter FUCKING Gilmour
Greek Gladiator Match
Both competitors are COMPLETELY NUDE other than a fine layer of oils

Doctor Louis D'Ville
- vs -
Ronnie Cage
If Cage lasts 20 minutes, Bad Attitude receive a Tag Team Title shot.

MAIN EVENT
Chris Chaos and "Mister F'n Dominance" Trax
- vs -
Robbie Bourbon and Shelby Cobra

ALSO ~ BREAKING announcement regarding Dolly Waters and the Hart Title!

The broadcast of Wednesday Night Warfare begins from inside the arena as the roaring crowd in Jakarta quietens as an image from outside in the parking lot is shown on the massive XTron screen.

We see a black limousine pull up and the audience begins to roar once again as the Indonesian limo driver opens the door for none other than the reigning XWF Hart Champion, Dolly Waters.

“Terima kasih”

Dolly says in the native tongue while nodding to the driver,
Suddenly there’s an encompassing wail of police sirens as Dolly’s limo becomes surrounded by police cars and black SUVs with blue police lights in their windshields. An almost endless amount of Indonesian police offices exit their standard vehicles and draw their guns on Dolly as several American looking men in suits and ties approach her from behind.

“MISS WATERS!”

One of the men shout out as Dolly turns around, totally agast at what she’s witnessing,

“I’m Chuck Rosenberg… DEA.”

The man shows Dolly his credentials,

“With me is Craig Reedie of the USADA, and US Ambassador to Indonesia, Robert Blake.”

“Okay… what’s all of this about?”

“DOLLY!”

Running into the picture is Vincent Lane, out of breath his eyes wide and face pale.

“Well Miss Waters, you’re being arrested on charges of the Steroid Possession under the Steroids Control Act of 2004, and you’re now formally being reprimanded by the US and World Anti-Doping Agencies for competing in the XWF while using steroids.”

“BULLSHIT!”

Dolly’s eyes dart right over to Lane who’s lunched over and still trying to catch his breath,

The local police place Dolly in cuffs as the Anti-Doping head hands Dolly’s Hart Title over to Lane.

“Dolly, these guys just contacted me today. I’ve been trying to reach you.”

“This is horseshit Lane! You knew about this didn’t you?!? YOU DUMBFUCKS! I haven’t taken steroids in over a year!”

“Well you can explain that to the Anti-Doping Commission panel and to the Federal Judge in Kentucky, because we found 30,000 dollars’ worth of steroids in your home.”

“YOU WENT INTO MY HOUSE!?!? WITHOUT ME THERE!?!!”

“We received a search warrant per an anonymous tip… Your ass is going down for a long time, and if it’s up to me, you’ll never fight outside of a jail cell for the rest of your life! Take her away boys!”

“LANE YOU BASTARD! YOU ALL SET ME UP! I’M GOING TO GET A LAWYER AND TAKE THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN COMPANY DOWN!”

Lane looks on genuinely concerned as the officers load Dolly into the back of one of the SUVs, he looks down at the Hart Title with sadness as the scene fades away.

The show opens to a gluttony of fireworks in a rainbow of color to 'This Love' by Pantera. Wednesday Night Warfare is underway from Jakarta, Indonesia by way of the Mata Elang International Stadium. Vendors filter through the crowd as they begin to chant different XWF Star names in a war of attrition until the kickoff. The X-Tron shot arrives in the back where Chaz Bobo is putting his referee shirt on. A pan to the other side of the locker room reveals fellow ref Mika Hunt coming out of the showers nude with a towel far too small to cover her talent. Chaz looks over unfazed then exits to make his way to the ring for the start of Warfare.

Dewey Gobblecoque: I fucking knew it, he didn't even look at her! My lord the things I would do to her, I mean look at those fun-bags... WHAT, WE ARE ON THE AIR!? UH, Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the longest running episodic television series in the history of XWF Wednesday Nights, WAREFARREEE! Off to TIG!

Tig O'Bitties: AND NOWWWW... from HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA... STANDING AT SIX FEET AND TWO INCHES TALL... AT A POUND MEASUREMENT OF TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY-FOUR... 'THE SHARPER IMAGGGGE'... SHANDEELLLLLLLLLLL JONNEESSS!

The fans cheers loudly as they get shown in bunches on the X-Tron. A sea of madness in the arena erupts even louder when red and yellow lights begin to flash frantically then pan around. 'California Love' by Tupac plays while Shandell Jones makes his way down the ramp... playing to the crowd. Getting in the ring and climbing to the far right upper turnbuckle, he throws his arms in the air. Jones hops off and panders to the crowd a bit before waiting for his opponents to come to the ring.

Dewey Gobblecoque: Jones out first to kick off this FIRST TO NOT ONE, BUT TWO, COUNT'EM, TWO FALLS TRIPLE THREATT MATCH TO BEGIN TONIGHT! Boy Vinnie has really been booking some shows lately... I can barely contain my excitement! Folks, we still have Benito and Nardozzi against a team of Kid Kool and Broken Hart after this. And these are just appetizers. Z will face the relative newcomer Brandon Moore who's team has been on a roll in recent weeks. The boy Duke, Thaddeus will get X-Treme with other royal... pain in everyone's ass, 'The Radical' Gabe Reno, for a shot at the X-Treme Championship Reno lost to Michael McBride, who then relinquished it to the former Universal Champion, Scully. But it doesn't stop there... next we have Glisten in a Greek Gladiator match, where both participants are NUDE EXCEPT FOR OILS against another former Universal Champion, Peter FUCKING Gilmour! Our local Doc, Louis D'Ville will go one on one with the challenging Ronnie Cage, who has been a part of that team with Moore and David Stone, and if Cage goes twenty without losing, that team... Bad Attitude, will get a shot at the gold of Doc and Soldier... AKA... Doctor Satan! LAST BUT NOT LEAST BY ANY MEANS... the current Universal Champion, Chris Chaos will team with Mr.F'N Dominance himself, Trax. They will be battling Shelby Cobra and Robbie Bourbon in tag team action. ANNNNDDDDD to top all of that off, Vinnie Lane has also promised to address the situation revolving around Dolly Waters and her HART Championship! WHAT A NIGHT!

Tig O'Bitties: Next, from NOWHERE INPARTICULAR... WEIGHING IN AT TWO-HUNDRED POUNDS, AT A HEIGHT OF FIVE FEET AND ELEVEN INCHES... KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLJOOYYYYYYYYYY!

'Dare To Be Stupid' by Weird Al Yankovic follows the Jones entrance. The 'Prince of Pranks' Killjoy makes his way out to the ramp waving to the crowd. He half walks and dances to the ring giving high fives along the way. Then, hops onto the ring apron, entering between the top and middle rope, onto the turnbuckle and begs the crowd to cheer.

Dewey Gobblecoque: Well, this guy is from nowhere, and that has to be the least concerning thing about him... yikes.

Tig O'Bitties: and finally... FROM DUKE ISLAND BY WAY OF NEW YORK CITY... WEIGHING ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FIVE POUNDS, WHILE STANDING AT A FIRM SIX FEET AND ONE INCHES HIGH... DDUUKKKKKEEEEE PPRREESSSSTTOONNNNN!

Preston emerges from the curtain with an insane glare on his face to the tune of 'House of Fun' performed by Madness. He meanders down the ramp while making strange facial expressions... wearing a tropical themed button up shirt, and tacky striped pants. The fans cheer as all three stand in the ring, and Chaz Bobo signals to the timekeeper, Nipsey Russell for the match to be underway. DING! DING! DING!

Dewey Gobblecoque: Time to get this party started. Interesting cast of character in there, remember for those of you watching at home, the winner is the first to TWO FALLS... so theoretically we could have one, two, three falls before anyone even wins this match if they were to get one each!

The 'Prince of Pranks' begins laughing in his corner, while Duke Preston notices, then begins laughing in his. Jones looks on a little confused, but shrugs it off and runs over to kick Killjoy in the face, then stomp him twice into the bottom turnbuckle. He turns and immediately goes after Preston, who slides out of the ring, turning to the fans and pointing to his head as if he has outsmarted Shandell. Unbeknownst to him, Jones slid out the near corner, and catches him with a vicious clothesline, then stands above him flexing his pecks.

Dewey Gobblecoque: Preston and Killjoy both look fucking nuts. Jones needs to be careful though, two loose cannons is a dangerous combination. He does have two falls to work with, though.

Killjoy gets up licking his wounds, then slides out the other side. Meanwhile, Shandell Jones is gorilla pressing Duke Preston for how many reps he can do (1... 2... 3... 4... 5...), until Killjoy rounds the corner, and Jones catches him with a big boot while still doing reps with Preston (6... 7... 8). He drops Duke face first on the mat, then begins a methodical walk and kick routine to Killjoys insides by way of pointing toe stabs to the side. Preston, writhing in pain, rolls over to the announce table to assist him in getting up, then gets the insane glare again. Duke Preston shoves Nipsey Russell a side and takes the steel chair he was sitting on, then looks down at Jones bullying Killjoy... at a glance Referee Chaz Bobo warns Duke as his tries to watch all the action simultaneously. Jones finally turns just as Preston runs at him, he ducks down into pushup position, as Duke runs by him and Killjoy delivers a spinning heels kick ricocheting the chairs right into Preston's face.

Dewey Gobblecoque: That will ruin his weekend. Jones doing push ups now, someone should tell this guy this is a match and not an American Gladiator tryout, maybe he should've been in that Glisten match later...

Killjoy gets back in the ring and screams at Jones to "COME ON! SHANDY MEATWACKER!" Jones blood begins to boil, he slides into a barrage of rights, lefts, kicks, taps, rubs, and hellacious molestation from Killjoy. Jones shoves him off, then he hops back on again, Jones shoves him further off, then he hops back on again, Jones finally flings him into the air for a giant European uppercut, but Killjoy ducks backward and under Jones' arm, as Shandell turns right into a PUNCHLINE SUPERKICK. Chaz Bobo slides onto the mat to count,

1!

2!

Dewey Gobblecoque: JONES PUT HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES!

Killjoy grasps his head, rolling to a sitting position in frustration. He rolls out of the ring and begins to walk gingerly up the ramp to collect himself. Jones stumbles up to his feet not sure what just happened, he looks up to see Duke Preston flying toward him for a AIR PRESTON FLYING DROPKICK! Duke hooks the leg, as Jones is clearly seeing stars from different galaxies... and Killjoy hears the fans roar but dismisses it trying to think, then looks back in the ring to realize what had just taken place. Chaz Bobo get down, Killjoy runs to the ring and slides quickly...

1!

2!

Dewey Gobblecoque: JONES PUT HIS FUCKING FOOT ON THE ROPES, AGAIN! Sorry for the language folks... but HE DID!

Killjoy was late but bailed out by Jones ring awareness. Preston gets up and begins trading right handed blows in the middle of the ring with Killjoy. Duke tosses him into the ropes, then ducks under a high jump, propelling off the other side Killjoy hops over Preston as he lays flat, off the ropes again headed for Duke, and DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE FROM NOWHERE BY SHANDELL JONES.

Dewey Gobblecoque: That was well timed by Jones, may have bought himself some recovering time after already taking the other two men's best shots early on.

Jones regroups for a moment, then turns slowly to Duke Preston and tosses him to the outside. He turns back to Killjoy, smacks him in the face then lifts him to the top turnbuckle with ease as if he were a child. He delivers a few punches to keep Killjoy stunned for good measure, then ascends to the second rope.

Dewey Gobblecoque: Not good, definitely... not good.

Jones suplexes Killjoy off the top rope into a fishman's leg hook pin attempt. Bobo slides over for the count...

1!

2!

THR...

Dewey Gobblecoque: Preston with an axe-handle smash to the stomach of Jones just in time to break that up! Phew, some close ones right off the bat, tonight!

Jones, gets up and begins to punish Duke for breaking up his pin, Killjoy crawls under the bottom rope with a hand over his face, but a vigilant possum playing eye visible through his fingers. Preston catches Shandell with a spinning back fist, then a series of knife edge chops. Jones staggers to the ropes holding his chest, Preston propels off the ropes and into the air, but Jones back body drops him up and over to top rope to the floor below. Shandell begins pointing and saying "Sharper Image, PUNK!" before rounding back to the center to find Killjoy waving at him for a split second, then hitting another PUNCHLINE SUPERKICK... Jones falls on his stomach trying to avoid a pin while disoriented, but Killjoy hops on his back for a JOKE'S ON YOU RINGS OF SATURN submission hold. Bobo asks Jones if he wants to continue as he moans in pain. Jones tries to move, but Killjoy locks it in harder with every movement from Shandell. Jones' hand rises reaching for the ropes, but Killyjoy pulls him back just enough... he reaches again, then fading seems to be defeated, His hand stops reaching for the ropes and appears to be headed for a tap out to the canvas, but Duke Preston's hand catches him from under the bottom rope, and pulls him to it to break the hold.

Dewey Gobblecoque: Wow, Jones may not have much left after that, he looked like he would fall prey to the first fall of the match, and Preston out of literally the fucking labyrinth stops his hand from hitting the mat, and pulls him over to the rope for a break! GREAT THINKING BY DUKE!

Killjoy gets up and smashes Preston's hand. Preston gets back in the ring, as Jones rolls out to regain his senses. Killjoy picks up Duke by his head, then bites his skull. Preston Counters with a MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE HANDS AGAINST THE HEAD INTO A FACEBUSTER. He covers Killjoy with a double leg under-hook.

1!

2!

3!!!!

One Fall - Duke Preston

Dewey Gobblecoque: First fall goes to Duke Preston, but realizing what just occurred, here comes Jones back into the squared circle...

Shandell picks up Duke, then bulldogs him in the ring. Killjoy bides his time, as Jones picks Duke back up, and tosses him into the corner for further punishment. Jones picks up Preston and power-slams him in the center of the ring... looking like he may cover him, Killjoy gets up and runs at Shandell, then is lassoed over the top rope and out. Shandell Jones catches a retaliatory Duke Preston in a vice, the devastates him with an UNPRETTIER... THEN then cover...

1!

2!

3!!!!

One Fall - Shandell Jones

Dewey Gobblecoque: There we go, two falls, so far Duke and Jones has a cover each... not looking great for Killjoy...

Duke regains his senses and gets up to fight back against Jones. Shot after shot is traded, until Jones teeters on the edge of the ropes, Duke springs off the other side and clotheslines him over, as well as himself, but pulls a Shawn Michaels maneuver in order to pull himself up and back in, turning to chants for him name, only to see Killjoy back in the middle, who grabs Duke for a STUNNER. A cover follows as Chaz counts the pinfall...

1!

2!

3!!!!!

One Fall - Killjoy

Dewey Gobblecoque: We are at ONE PINFALL A PIECE FOR ALL THREE MEN IN THE RACE TO TWO FOR THE WIN!

Jones slides back in realizing what just happened, he goes for another double clothesline, bit Killjoy ducks under, as Duke is caught in his stunned state by another vicious clothesline. He rolls out, and Shandell turns back, face to face with Killjoy.

Dewey Gobblecoque: This could be the confrontation that decides this match!

Jones pushes Killjoy in the chest, then Killjoy responds by pulls a chatter box out of his shirt, and having is run up on Shandell. Shandell, hops up to avoid the teeth of the box, as killjoy takes full advantage and nails a PUNCHLINE. Shandell falls flat, the ref comes over to count...

1!

2!

THRE...

But Jones again gets his foot on the rope. Killjoy gets up besides himself, and picks Jones up by the head, He gets him in a new position for a move to end the match, but Jones counters it into a belly to back supplex.

Dewey Gobblecoque: Not this time.

Preston catches his wits on the outside and slides back in, just as Jones it getting up, Shandell runs at him, but Duke reverses his grapple, and hurracurrana's him over the top rope to the floor. Preston turns just in time to spot Killjoy talking to himself in the corner of the ring. Duke's eyes glaze over again, and he rushes the corner, Killjoy rolls out, and as Preston makes his way back around, hit another PUNCHLINE.

Dewey Gobblecoque: When will these guys ever see that coming!?

Chaz Bobo gets down on the mat...

1!

2!

3!!!!

Winner - KIlljoy

Dewey Gobblecoque: Killjoy just came back from a two fall deficit and won this match!

Thomas Nixon walks out onto the stage wearing street clothes. He has the television championship around his waist, and he has a microphone in hand. As he walks to the ring, he raises the microphone to his mouth and begins to address the crowd.

"As you all know, Jervis got injured about a month ago at the hands of Chris Chaos. He's out of an action for an indefinite amount of time. But, he is one of the three men holding the Trios Championships in PATROL."

Thomas Nixon walked up the ring steps and entered the ring.

"PATROL needs a third member to defend the trios championships, and we are always seeking a member that will serve our cause and fight for the lizard people."

Nixon stops in front of Shandell Jones.

"I've been intently scouting the XWF for talent, and I see a lot in you, Shandell. You've established yourself outside of XWF as a champion, and I believe you will have a bright future here. So I want to extend an oppurtunity to you. I would like to invite you to take Jervis' place in PATROL, as one of the three trios champions. You look like champion material, and I know that you're one hell of a competitor."

Nixon stood in front of Shandell, and he nodded along as Nixon talked. The crowd cheering in the background.

"So how about it? Does that sound like a deal?"

Nixon extended his hand to Shandell. He looked at the crowd, and they cheered. Shandell shrugged, as if thinking 'Why not?' before taking Nixon's hand. The crowd roared, as the scene faded with Nixon smiling in the ring, patting Shandell on the back.

We see Kid Kool and Reeve standing in the ring, waiting around and looking ready to go, but no one seems to be coming to face them.

Dewey: This is pretty weird. We were about to see what the newly reanimated corpse of Reeve could do tonight against those two mooks, Benito Angelo and Aldo Nardozzi... but they haven't arrived!

Dewey pauses, the camera shifts to show him at the booth, listening to his earpiece.

Dewey: Wait a second, I'm getting a word from backstage! Steve?!!?

A quick picture in picture shows Steve Sayors standing over the unconscious and bloody bodies of Aldo and Benito, both of them look like they've been assaulted viciously.

Steve Sayors: Dewey, it appears that these two men have been assaulted viciously! I have no idea who it could have been, but... uh...

Just then, shirtless and chewing tobacco, Nate Higgers walks into view holding a bloody baseball bat.

It was me, dipshit! I did it right in front of you! I told you to tell that Dewey

that I did it! What in the hell is your problem, Sayors?

Sayors: I... uh... oh no...

Steve Sayors crouches and cowers, but it's too slow for Higgers' bat. Nate clobbers the backstage reporter and drops him on top of the Italians.

Higgers then walks over to a poster of John Madison and draws a giant black dick on his chin with a marker. He walks off shaking his head.

Pussies.

The scene goes back to a stunned Dewey.

Dewey: Well... man, Steve gets beat up a lot. I guess that makes this a no contest??

Winners By Accident - Kid Kool and Reeve!

Z was already in the ring when Warfare came back from commercials, along side him in the ring stood Tig O'Bitties with a mic in hand. She smiled and waved to the crowd.

Tig O'Bitties-The following match is for one fall. Standing in the ring at six four and weighting in at 202 pounds. Hailing from That place you go when you black out. Z!"

The man of the Loa just stood there, as if he was a zombie, not saying a word or moving.

The opening lines of Cemetery Gates begin. Once they end and the thrilling guitar piece begins, Brandon Moore emerges onto the entrance stage. He turns his back to the ring and points his thumbs to the back of his jacket. The words "Just Plain Better" are displayed. Brandon then turns around and strolls his way to the ring, ignoring the fans along the way. Once he gets to the ring, he runs up the steel steps, and slingshots himself over the ringpost into the ring. Brandon lands with a roll forward and a smug look on his face as he begins to remove his entrance gear and prepare for the upcoming contest.

Tig O'Bitties-And his opponent. Standing in at Six Two and weighting 212 pounds! From Omaha, Nebraska. BRANDON MOOOOOOOOORE!"

DING DING

Moore had a confused look on his face as he walked over to Z, who just stood there with a blank look on his face. Moore started to wave at him to see if he could get any sort of reply. Still nothing, he got a closer but was on guard. Once he was in reach. Moore poked Z on the forehead. Nope. Still nothing. Brandon turned to look at the ref and asked what should he do. The ref had no idea. He had never had this happen to him before. All of a sudden, Z's eyes widen and started to glow bright red. The man let out a roar before leaping at Brandon, who turned and got a fist to the jaw. The off guard punch was hard enough to make Moore stumble backwards, The wild Z didn't stop his attack. No rest for Brandon as he was handed a beat down from the man of the Loa. Z grabbed Moore and Irish whipped him into the ropes. Moore bounced off and was heading right back to Z who went to kick Moore in the face with a big boot, but Moore ducked under it and hit the ropes on the other side, he bounced off of those and now had Z's back. Moore forced Z's head down to the mat with a wicked bulldog.

Brandon"Just Plain Better"Moore got up quickly, but so did Z. As if the bulldog didn't have an effect but this didn't worry Moore, no not his ass. Z went to land a punch but Moore caught Z's hand in his, Z threw a punch with his other hand but again, like the first. Brandon Moore caught it. That's when Moore locked Z's arms with his, trapping him. Moore unleashed a fury of headbutts straight to Z's dome.

BAM!

BAM!!

BAM!!!

BAM!!!!

Z's head was busted open by the time Moore was finished bashing his head in. Z fell to his knees as blood dripped down to the mat. Brandon shook his head of cobwebs before looking at Z, who was still sitting on his knees with his head down. Moore hit the ropes hard, bounced off of them and nearly took Z's head off with a devastating Shining Wizard! CRACK! Z went down and didn't move.

Moore shrugs and heads for Z again, but the referee waves him off and calls for the bell!

DING DING!!!

Tig O'Bitties: Referee Mika Hunt has stopped this match and declared the winner... by KNOCKOUT... BRANDON MOORE!!!

Winner by Referee Stoppage - Brandon Moore

A 2016 black Lincoln Town Car rolls up back stage. The license plate says RENO in red letters. A driver, dressed in a pea coat over his suit, gets out. He has a hat and gloves on, and goes around to open the door. Just before he can open the door he yells and jumps out of the way, just as a forklift comes flying into sight and slams into the side of the car, pinning it against the wall. Chris Chaos jumps out of the controls. He begins to smash the windows with a baseball bat. "I told you not to get involved in my business! I told you you'd pay! You wanna keep fucking with me?! Huh?!" The champ is insensted here! He grabs a gas can and pours it all over the car.

Dewey: No! No! No! NO! Chris don't do it! My god! Chaos is going to burn Reno alive! We need help back there! Someone get back there!

Chris laughs and throws a lit match onto the car. "Yeah! Fuck with me again Reno! Go ahead!" He walks off screen laughing a sick laugh as we see Reno climb out of the sunroof. Seeing the car was on fire, he jumped and grabbed the top of the forklift, swinging himself to the concrete below. He lands, rolls, and lays there for a minute coughing and choking. When he lifts his head, he has an evil look in his eye as Warfare goes to commercial.

Dwey: God damn Tig looks good tonight. I'd like to put it in her butt...... WHAT? Jesus guys, again? Tell me when we're on!!!

Tig O'Bitties: The following contest is to determine a number one contender to the XWF X-Treme Championship! Introducing first, from San Diego California... THE RADICAAAAL..... GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE RENOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Green strobe lights and dimming fill the area as Bad Company hits the loudspeakers. Mixed reactions of love and hate fill the mixed crowd as The Radical emerges in green and black tights reading 'The Very Best, Nothing More, Nothing Less' across the back. He smiles under a Black hood before sprinting and sliding into the ring, removing his hood and telling the ref to "start the fucking match already".

Tig O'Bitties: And his opponent... now residing in Vatican City... THADEUS DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE!!!

March or Die begins and the arena darkens. White spot lights ignite on the entrance stage engulfing Captain James Edwards in white hot light. Edwards leads his charge, Thaddeus Duke to the ring. Thaddeus slaps some hands of fans as he walks the aisle and also stops to take selfies with them and his shit eating grin before reaching the ring.

DING!!!

Reno immediately charges Duke, who was still getting his crown and garb off. Shoving him into a corner the ulta-aggressive Reno begins to hammer away at the still stunned Thaddeus Duke with shot after shot, chop after chop. Duke finally is able to shove him off to catch his bearings, but Reno is on the assault again. He goes for a big corner splash but Duke moves, and catches the wobbly Reno for a big belly to back suplex!

Reno is quickly up, seemingly unphased, running purely on adrenaline at this point. Duke is ready this time, however, and comes off the ropes for a clothesline, but Reno ducks, bouncing off the other ropes and goes for a springboard cross body. Duke moves, Reno does a tuck and roll before popping up and getting a boot to the face from Duke.

Dewey: Faced paced start to this match so far. These two haven't had much ring experience together but it is like they know each other and what is coming.

Duke lifts Reno to his feet, but Reno fires a few elbows to the gut of Duke, doubling him over before grabbing his head and almost running up the turnbuckles and delivering a big bulldog from the middle ropes. Then bouncing off the ropes as if being shot out of a cannon he hits a lionsault on Duke.

Cover!

Dewey: Reno trying to end this thing quickly!

1!

2!

Duke gets a shoulder up. Reno slaps the mat, but doesn't let it distract him and goes back to work, picking Duke up by the head. A few shots to the gut and Reno goes for a DDT but Duke shoves him off, face first into the ropes, then catches Reno and sets him up for a neckbreaker! Reno wiggles out, but Duke keeps his hands locked. German suplex! Hands are still locked, but Reno fights out, reversing the hold and hitting a big X FACTOR on Duke.

Dewey: Not gonna lie, Reno looks impressive here.

Instead of going for the cover, however, Reno goes to the top rope. Throwing his arms up to a mixed reaction from the crowd he flies off the top with reckless abandon, going for a huge splash. Duke gets the knees up, and Reno crashes and burns. Rolling around grabbing his abdomen, Duke is back up. Picking up Reno he throws him into the corner. Going for the big splash, he thinks against it. Instead he scoop slams Reno, then sets him up upside down on the turnbuckle. He is going for the tree of woe!

Grinning from the corner he runs and puts a big knee into the neck/chest of Reno, sending him into a heap on the mat, but one leg was still hooked! Duke rolls out of the ring and takes Reno's non hooked leg, and wraps it around the ring post. Pulling it out he slams it back against the post, eliciting a yell from Reno who grabs his leg. Duke does this twice more before rolling back into the ring and throwing his arms up.

Dewey: Extremely aggressive nature from Duke here. Maybe he learned a thing or two from The Doctor.

Reno is trying to use the ropes to pick himself back up. Duke's smart. He knows Reno's biggest asset to his high-flying nature is his legs. Take those out first!

Grabbing Reno's knee, he slams it down onto the mat. Going back for the leg, Gabe uses his good leg to kick Duke off him. Then, wrapping his legs around Duke's waist, he uses the ropes to propel Thaddeus over the ropes to the outside!

Dewey: What an athletic move by Gabe Reno!

Gabe rolls out of the ring. There is no quit in him at all. But he is met with a flurry of punches. He grabs Duke, though, and whips him into the steps! Staying on the attack, he picks up Duke and whips him across the apron into the barricade on the other side, back first! He makes the belt sign with his arms.

Dewey: You have to think he's sending a message to Chaos here!

Walking over and picking up Duke, the rolls him back into the ring just as the ref gets to an 8 count. Two kicks to Duke and he stands back in the corner, surveying his damage, and yelling "GET UP! GET THE FUCK UP!" and motioning with his arms. Duke rolls over and tries to get up and Reno runs and kicks him in the ribs before going to the rop rope, all in a matter of seconds, and sets up for Rated R! Flying off the top, GABE HITS RATED R!

Dewey: Pin him, its over!

But Reno doesn't pin. Instead, he postures with the crowd. Grinning a sick grin he bounces off the ropes again and goes for a 5 knuckle shuffle looking move. He lands it right into the gullet of Duke. But Reno still refuses to pin. He is clearly sending a message. Walking around his victim, Duke grabs Reno's leg, and is met with a stomp. Looking down on the fallen man in front of him, he stomps again, but Duke catches his legs and rolls him up! Small package pin!

1!

2!

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dewey: Jesus! Reno's ego got him beat there! I can't believe it happened so fast, but we have a new number one contender to the X-Treme Title... although he looks like he's the one who's worse for wear, for sure!!!

Winner and new No. 1 Contender for the X-Treme Title - Thaddeus Duke

In the ring, Reno has lost his fucking mind and beaten the daylights out of the official! He jumps onto Thad as well, and pummels him bloody, leaving him an unconscious heap in the middle of the ring while security officials flood the ring and pry him away.

Dewey: There's no way we don't see a rematch between these two! Duke just got lucky!

Security personnel slam tasers into the body of Gabe Reno in order to subdue him, and Warfare fades to break.

Dewey: Due to the nature of the following... match... we have built a small, extra warm tent outside for the combatants to wrestle in the buff! Since I'm not going out there because fuck that, my colleaguees Gaylord Cockshafer and Mike Stump from Savage have agreed to fly all the way to Malaysia for minimum wage and call the match! Let's take you to them!

The scene switches to Gaylord and Mike dressed like Eskimos because they had no idea where Malaysia was, next to a special ring over to the side of the main building. I'm not sure how this really works logistically but just play along.

Gaylord Cockshafer: Well, this should be interesting.

Tig O'Bitties: The following match is a Greek Gladiator Match where both competitors will compete nude!

Glisten's music, the funky beat from Debbie Does Dallas, plays throughout the Mata Elang International Stadium and the fans all hush as the Glistening One slowly makes his way out from the back. He's wearing a gold robe that is tied in the front. He swings the long free rope in front of him as he begins to skip fabulously to the ring.

Tig O'Bitties: Introducing first! From the GOLD MINE! He stands six foot, six inches tall! Weighing in at two hundred and thirty-two pounds! GLISTEN!

Mike Stump: This guy gives me the creeps.

Gaylord Cockshafer: He is a bit strange, to say the least, Stump.

Glisten finds the ring then dances up the steps and through the ropes. He touches himself in front of Tig O'Bitties for a moment and plays with the ropes which keeps his robe closed before the lights dim and the crowd goes absolutely fucking ballistic.

Tig O'Bitties: And his opponent!

Gaylord Cockshafer: Alright! Here he comes!

Mike Stump: Hopefully he doesn't Gaylord!

The lights in the arena dim, then go to full black. We then hear the eerie sounds of a bell being tolled and then an explosion of fire emitting from the entrance ramp. The beginning of SICK LIKE ME by IN THIS MOMENT begins as the heavy guitar riffs kick in and red strobes dance around the stage. Peter Gilmour walks out from the back with Mia Yim wearing a black and red robe. He makes his way to the ring and stares down Glisten who's making very obscene and dirty gestures to Peter in the ring.

Gaylord Cockshafer: I think that Glisten is a bit more excited about this than our Xtreme Icon....

Tig O'Bitties: From the CITY OF ANGELS! Weighing in at two hundred sixty pounds! He is the Xtreme Icon! He is the former XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION! PETER GILMOUR!

Peter climbs into the ring with Mia Yim and stands in the opposite corner of Glisten, who doesn't hesitate to tease Peter and slowly begin removing his robe. Glisten glistens from the tubs of oil that was applied to his body backstage before the match. Mia Yim does the honors for Peter and removes the robe from his back leaving Peter as naked as the second he was born. The bell rings and the two begin circling the ring.

Gaylord Cockshafer: And... I guess, here we go....

Glisten lunges at Peter going for a grab ass, but Peter evades, lowers his guard, and looks stern at Glisten.

Peter Gilmour: Don't touch my fucking DICK!

Glisten responds by blowing Peter a kiss, which pisses him off and he attacks Glisten with a combination of punches. Glisten takes each blow to the head and falls back into the ropes. Peter runs across the ring and bounces off the opposite ropes and heads right back towards Glisten! The Glistening One drops to his knees and opens his mouth as wide as he can and Pete stops dead in his tracks!

Peter Gilmour: Suck my dick!

Peter screams at Glisten, who looks more than obliged to do so, but instead he takes a swift kick to the side of the head.

Mike Stump: I think he was trying to, Pete!

Peter takes to his knees and starts landing more punches to the head of Glisten, who just reaches out after Peter's junk again. Pete stands up and stomps Glisten's hand.

Gaylord Cockshafer: I'm not sure if the Glistening One is more concerned of winning this match or copping a feel, Stump!

Glisten rolls outside of the ring to evade Peter's blows! The beat down that Peter was handing him doesn't seem to stop him from continuing to taunt the Xtreme Icon! He swings his exposed dick around and bounces up and down like he was riding a pony. Peter flips him off, runs against the opposite ropes again, and dives through the ropes!

Gaylord Cockshafer: Naked springboard to the outside!

Peter pushes Glisten into the barricade and about a dozen fans on the other side scatter. Glisten rests against it for a moment while Peter continues talking shit as he grabs his head and throws it at the ring post! Glisten braces the ring post and stops his head from smacking it! Peter rushes over but Glisten throws up an elbow that hits Peter right in the eye! He backs away holding it, when he looks up Glisten slams him down with a big clothesline! Pete holds the back of his head now... It looked like the first thing to hit the ground. Glisten lies with Pete and begins stirring his finger in circles across Peter's chest.

Gaylord Cockshafer: Uh oh.

Mike Stump: This could get ugly!

Peter's eyes open like the Dead Man, himself. Like he was brought back from the dead he sits up and slaps Glisten in a headlock! Glisten does the same move on a different head! Peter freaks out and pushes away from Glisten. He holds his piece for a minute then slides back in the ring and bitches at the referee about Glisten grabbing his dick.

Gaylord Cockshafer: I'm not sure Chaz Bono really knows what to do in this situation, Stump.

Mike Stump: Well, it's not everyday you have a naked Peter Gilmour bitching at you. Maybe every OTHER day though!

Glisten squirms into the ring and crawls on his hands and knees towards Peter. Pete rushes over angrily and goes to stomp Glisten in the face, but it's dodged as Glisten twists to his back and punches Pete square in the balls! Pete falls to his knees then to his back in agony! Glisten slithers over top of Peter and Chaz Bono falls to his knees for a count!

ONE!

TWO!!!

Peter kicks out and rolls away! Glisten chases after him on his hands and knees pinching and squeezing at whatever he can get his hands on! Pete reaches the corner, turns around, and kicks Glisten in the head!

Mike Stump: Close call for Gilmour!

Glisten seemed unphased from the kick and gets right ot his feet. Peter is still sitting in the corner, just in time for a nake bronco buster from Glisten out of nowhere!

Mike Stump: Look out, Pete!

Gaylord Cockshafer: Oh my! Glisten seizing an opportunity he seen. for sure!

Mike Stump: Dont' be jealous, Gaylord! I'm sure Glisten would go for a ride at your expense, too!

Gaylord Cockshafer: No thanks, Stump! No. Thanks.

Glisten prances around the ring after he's finished with Pete in the corner. He looks at Pete from the center of the ring and does a number of very flirty and sexual poses in Peter's direction, which drives Peter MAD from the corner. He swears and screams at Glisten and slowly begins to crawl out. Glisten runs and knees Peter in the head knocking him back onto his ass from his hands and knees! He's dazed for a few seconds before he sees a dangling limb swinging in front of his face. Peter's first instinct was to bite it, but he didn't. Instead, he contemplated a million things in his head that he could do that wouldn't make him a huge

, and couldn't think of a single one before it bounced off of his nose! Peter spits like he tasted something horrible and rolls backwards to his feet! He lands one clothesline! Then another! Glisten jumps back up! Another clothesline!

Gaylord Cockshafer: It looks like the Xtreme Icon has had enough of this craziness..

Glisten was a little slower the next time getting up, so Peter grabs him and gives him a hand to his feet! He then lifts the Glistening One up and slams him down with a slow vertical suplex! He stands up and screams back down to Glisten!

Peter Gilmour: SUCK MY DICK!

Gaylord Cockshafer: I think Peter should be reminded to be careful what he wishes for right now...

He heads for the top turnbuckle.

Mike Stump: Where're you going, Peter?!!

Pete stands on the top rope and flips off Glisten who's still lying on the mat. Pete jumps off and goes for a big splash, but Glisten's moved out of the way! Peter's body counces off the mat! Glisten crawls over to Peter again and is now on top of him! Chaz goes for a count, but Glisten starts landing punches of his own while then rests his balls on Peter's chin! Peter struggled before each blow to the nose that Glisten delivered... FINALLY, due to the massive amount of oil on each of of their bodies from head to toe, Peter's able to slip out of the treacherous position.

The two men reach their feet and meet in the center of the ring. Peter takes a big swing at Glisten, but it's blocked! Glisten grabs ahold of Peter's dick and squeezes! Peter screams in agony as Glisten makes more kissy faces at Peter then blows another kiss to Mia Yim! Peter punches Glisten, but the hold isn't broken! Again! Nope, Glisten still has him! Again! Glisten still refuses to let go!

Mike Stump: Glisten has one hell of a grip, doesn't he Gaylord?!

Gaylord Cockshafer: He sure does, Stump!

Mike Stump: Yeah, don't get any ideas, capiche?!

Peter gives up on the punches and tries a cock death-grip of his own! He grabs hold of Glisten's dick like it was his own and punishes it! Glisten smiles and makes ooh and ahh faces and sounds at Peter. Peter pulls hard on the cock and pulls Glisten right into a GILMOUR CUTTER!!

Mike Stump: Gilly Cutter! Gilly Cutter!

Peter signals for the end and lifts Glisten up to his feet...

Mike Stump: Oh man. Is he going to do what I think he is?

Peter lifts Glisten up and slams him down with the ENDGAME!!

Gaylord Cockshafer: Yes he is!

Mike Stump: That looked really awkward with two naked guys...

Gaylord Cockshafer: Chaz Bobo with the count... One! Two!! Three!! Peter's got it!

Peter's music hits as he rolls off of Glisten and holds one arm in the air and his other hand around his cock. He reaches his knees as Mia Yim enters the ring and throws the robe back over Peter's back.

Winner - Peter F'n Gilmour

Back in thee main building...

Dewey: Man oh man do we have a good one now...

Tig O’Bitties: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match-up is for ONE FALL and has a 20 minute time limit! If Ronnie Cage can outlast the 20 minutes or defeat his opponent, then Bad Attitude will be declared the number one contenders for the XWF Tag Team Championships!

Dewey: Easier said than done, though! Doctor Satan are an imposing and dominant force in the XWF!

Tig O’Bitties: Introducing first, possibly from Sulphur, Louisiana, he is one half of the XWF Tag Team Champions…. Doctorrrrrrr Louis D’VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLE!!!!!!

The lights go out in the arena followed by an eerie red glow. Smoke rises from the entrance way and the Doctor emerges from it. He stands at the top of the ramp and looks out among the crowd, then slowly begins walking towards the ring. The Doctor climbs the ring steps and into the ring, he stands on the second turnbuckle and holds his arms into the air as the lights flash back on.

As Doc’s music cuts out, Rage Against The Machine starts shaking the speakers in the Antarctic Arena. Lights flash in the entranceway as all three members of Havoc walk onto the stage one by one. Brandon Moore with his Federweight Title slung over his shoulder and a smug look on his face after his inconclusive match on Savage steps to the right of the entrance. David Stone grinding his fist into his palm flanks to the left. Finally, Ronnie Cage struts out dressed for a brawl in jeans, boots, and a wife beater. His belt buckle is almost as large as the Feder faceplate. In his hands he carries an acoustic guitar, which he holds over his head while the pyro shoots off.

Tig O’Bitties: And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by HAVOC… from Fayetteville, Arkansas… he is Satan’s Superior, RONNIIIIIEEEEE CAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!

Dewey: Looks like Cage is bringing some backup with him for this one, not a bad idea if you ask me! Doc doesn’t seem to mind, judging by the smirk on his face.

Cage hands his guitar off to David Stone as he enters the ring and leans into his corner, making eye contact with Doc who continues to smile while standing perfectly still.

As Tig leaves the ring and referee Mika Hunt moves to check Cage’s apparel for contraband, Doc D’Ville suddenly charges across the ring and slams a forearm into Cage’s mouth, knocking the big man backward.

DING DING!!!

Dewey: Nipsey hits the bell, that’s definitely one way to get a match started!

Doc doesn’t let up, shoving Cage into the corner and burying his forearm into Cage’s face repeatedly, barely allowing enough room for the ref to get out from in between them.

Cage’s mouth splits open as he slumps into the turnbuckles, a trickle of blood making its way down his chin. Doc stops his assault, runs his finger through the trail of blood, then licks it clean before turning his back and walking into the center of the ring, looking completely unhurried.

Dewey: Remember folks, Ronnie Cage doesn’t need to pin the Doctor to get his team into a tag title match, he merely needs to make it through 20 minutes!

The screen shows the massive X-Tron, where a twenty minute clock has already begun counting down.