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Unknown Soldier · (06-07-2016)

Unknown Soldier:

"Well here we go XWF, it's about fucking time I came out here to dispense my thoughts on the current state of affairs in my new playground. I call it my playground because it's long overdue that this place had a General Manager like frodo smackins whom finally allows for me to integrate new and creative match stipulations. Finally, I get my toys and just like in the sand box as a kid, I get to swim around in filth and swallow it all up. I didn't have any faith in this little midget bitch at first, but that was until he stood up for what's right against Vinnie Lane and his lame repetitive bull shit. If it were up to him and Peter this match would just be the same boring Xtreme title match, but with maybe more blood, electricity, and thumb tacks.

It's necessary to become innovative if you want to keep crowds interested, even though dip shits like Reeve Gordon and other idiots want to preach about taking away fabulous outside of the box matches involving rape and scat. Do these idiots not realize that Shane

stole this company from Jon Brown in order to bring fun and entertainment back to the XWF universe? I mean fuck, how many extremely electrified en devours do we need to replay Ghost Tank? If I could speak to Benjamin Franklin himself, the inventor of electricity, even he would tell you to lighten the fuck up on your fetish. Why can't anyone else here come up with anything new and creative? Why do we always have to wait for Unknown Soldier to return to finally get the XWF back to where it belongs? Another Gauntlet Match? Wow Vinnie, we've never had a single one of those before! How very creative and unique you damn douche bag! That's sarcasm by the way, in case you fools can't fathom to understand that. Which wouldn't surprise me since you idiots are all a bunch of lame losers with no sense of knowing what the XWF fans, wrestlers, and universe wants, and here's a few cases in point.

First of all, has anyone noticed that Vinnie Lane is literally shitting his pants at the thought of standing in the ring with me. Sure, he'll go on and on about how he's developing some type of bacterial colon disease, but SATAN! and all the rest of us know it's just an excuse to hide the fear he has in his eyes for the Unknown Soldier. He can't even look me in the fucking eyes like a man and instead bashes his eyelids at the ground like some shy little love struck teenage girl. I mean, that's fine when Roxy Rotten gives me this treatment, but I expected more out of the fucking Universal Champion. It wont matter, because it's practically inevitable that the Universal Title will one day soon be mine. I'm fully confident that I'll end up winning this Gauntlet, because well, I'm super awesome and all that stuff. But for hypothetical sake let's just say that I don't. Well guess what? I already have a briefcase and most likely another one on the way after I can keep this Xtreme Title around my waist just a bit longer.

Oh my gosh it's Eli James! Look everyone, Eli James cut a promo! Hey everyone, did you see that Eli James has returned? Haha! What a joke that turned out to be. All you Congregation fan boys got such big erections when that fool came out here and cut an early promo? I even saw one of his cousins he fucks come out here and cut a promo too. But then what? Where the fuck has your savior been since then? Letting you down just like he always does. I can assure you all that I will shut that queef captain up and end this silly nonsense that he insists he can beat me. This is, if that fat sack of shit can even get far enough to stand across from me. Which is highly doubtful since the last time he tried this stunt, when he signed up for Lethal Lottery 3 to get a piece of me. He ended up looking like a lost puppy in the ring while Dim and Duke smashed him to pieces.

This great savior of yours took the pin in that match, even though Pest was his teammate. Let me repeat that, and do it in a way that all of you bone heads can actually understand by connecting the dots for you. PEST WAS BETTER THAN ELI JAMES! Fucking Pest, Eli? Fucking PEST! That pedophile is so pathetic, that I'm surprised you haven't killed yourself already after coming to this realization earlier. If I'm giving you a coming to premonition about this subject right now, then here, take this nine millimeter. If you don't have the balls I'd be happy to pull the trigger myself, because it is my belief also that people who are worse than Pest on even just one day of their life, really don't deserve to even live. The definition of worthless. Don't feel too bad though fat jesus, it's not the fact that just you can't compete on my level. The fact is simply that nobody can.

Ginger Snaps -- I could be like Eli James in this instance with you and your jokes about my make up. I could whine and cry about how fat jokes are pathetic and the insult of a child. Tell you that a joke and insult about my appearance is an easy out and comes out of the first page of trash talking 101. Basic pathetic bullshit. But you know what I'm going to do instead? I'm going to accept facts as facts. I wear make up and Eli James is fat. Stating facts is a basic necessity in creating a world based in science, and you can't fucking argue with science Eli, now can you? Nothing can change these facts! So rather Ginger, since you were so nice to me, I was wondering if maybe you could come into my make up room tomorrow night before Warfare starts. I'm somewhat of an amateur so I would love if you could give me a few pointers from a professional such as yourself and hey, maybe if you wanted too, you could tag team with my girl Roxy Rotten here and donate some of your period blood to help me defeat Peter Gilmour.

Scully -- For a guy sure set on revenge against me, you sure keep real quiet about it. Reminds me a lot of a guy named Donald Trump. Talks about all kinds of policies, but never explains how he intends to make them happen. So, you're going to get revenge on me? How? Explain? I want fucking details! Because bring it on bitch, I know plenty about how you're just as big of a loser as Eli. If not worse. Nah, not worse, you wouldn't stoop so low as to let Pest best you on any given day of your life. However, it is time I oust you and your cowardly ways by also stating the obvious. How fucking dare you be such a sniveling little bitch and disown Chris Macbeth just a week ago by forcing him to tag with some rookie and lose. Now all the sudden you're well and capable of coming out here all gung-ho ready to become Universal Champion?

I'm the one that fell from the ceiling, if anybody should have taken a few weeks off it's me. But what was I doing instead, oh yeah, defending my Xtreme title and kicking Tony Santos ass. The guy you couldn't manage to best the week before that. I mean, I don't really give a shit about your relationship with MacBeth, but if I were him I'd be reminding you of who exactly wears the pants in our relationship. You should get down on your knees and suck his dick, or at least let him pin you in the Gauntlet tomorrow night, because It's pretty clear to me and everyone else that he carries you. Since your nothing but a former tag champion while he holds the Hart title. You suck and can't accomplish anything by yourself, so the thought of you besting me in the Gauntlet and even going on to win the Universal title is laughable.

Speaking of riding someone's coat tails, that brings me to my most important subject. Peter mother fucking Gilmour. Well bub, things are no longer what they used to be. You see, it's time I rid myself of things that have been bringing me down in the past. Keeping me from being a Universal Champion and I can't allow this little truce between the two of us to continue. You betrayed me by letting your attitude get the best of you when I was only trying to help. Something I've learned to see from you that you will never change. Also, I do want those tag team titles, and since you happen to be the one holding onto them you can rest assure that as soon as I find a partner that those will fall into my hands as well. You see Peter, for a long time you were literally nothing but dead weight to me. More so in the days when FATBACK was up in ya, but either way you dragged me down.

You also betrayed me by joining this group called The Resistance. Didn't you hear Peter, that Donald Trump lost his lawsuit from Trump University. He is a fucking con artist just like I said, and there's the proof to show it. I saw your Freddy Krueger type little dream that you had the other night, and it made me laugh when you had your little fight with the devil. You can continue to keep battling your demons my former friend, but we both know one things for sure. You'll never beat me because of my dark lord SATAN!, no matter how many times you try. So this shows to be true in the past, so it will be true tomorrow night, and it will continue to reign true forever in the future and until the end of time.

If I didn't mention any of the rest of you

their is no matter, because after the Gauntlet tomorrow night all of us will get real acquainted. You'll also get to know the smell and taste of Roxy Rotten and Maria Brink's period blood quite well, because I don't plan on taking a shower after I win my Xtreme Title match!"

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