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Unknown Soldier · (04-23-2016)

Our decrepit and disgusting scene appears before our eyes as a junk yard full of rotting trash, broken down automobiles, and an over abundant supply of dirty medical needles surrounds the out-worldly landscape. A very slow and heavy footed zombie like crowd is beginning to congregate around a home made stage constructed of nearby garbage materials. Many covered in track marks and hideous rashes all over their bodies. Some even drooling from the mouth like rabies infested psychopaths. Many are all decked out in black and bloodstained SATAN! gear and looking totally evil and demonic like Peter Gilmour does when he winks. They definitely don't dress or look anything like those emo queerazoid pussies like Reeve Alexandra Gordon.

The stage is compromised in a pattern of hubcaps and street signs held together by rotting wood and nails. The podium at the center is a stack of three toilet seats haphazardly held together by duct tape. A microphone cord runs all the way through the three seats underneath the stage and barely pokes its way out of the deepest center of the bowl on the third toilet seat on the top of the pyramid. Around this podium, hanging over the front of it facing the crowd is a bright white cardboard sign with a pentagram and the numbers 666 entangled around the outside. One can not be sure if it's written in either dark red paint or an over exuberant amount of pigs blood.

As we make our way towards the stage, a white pick up truck passes by our immediate view to the right. It's pretty beat up sitting on cinder blocks and rusted away around the tire wells. Most of the windows cracked or missing and the words '

duke' spray painted in black on the hood of the truck. But we must digress from the trucks appearance to an even more disturbing sight. As further around the truck on it's other side and laying on the ground up against it, is one messed up dude. This guy looks more fucked up then Vinnie Lane probably does after partying the past few weeks away from wrestling with Slash and Motley Crue. In fact, the withering anemic looking drudge is sticking himself with a needle and tying one off right now! His arm begin to turn purple from the belt he's using to cut off the oxygen in his blood stream. This encourages us no option other than to watch and stare in both fright and curiosity.

We are; however, distracted as from behind us a figure comes running past us barreling into our shoulder and nearly knocking us from behind to the ground with the strength of what feels like a horse. As we gather our senses after them being shocked for an instant we can see that the man is in fact Greggo, the manager, friend, and possible pleasure pal of Unknown Soldier. Before any attempt can be made to confront the galloping goof, who is actually prancing like a pony towards the stage at a swift pace. We begin to see why he is so excited as he must have anticipated the start of the show, when suddenly and startlingly a pair of speakers standing way behind the podium on top of a livestock trailer blare out '"Born in the USA" by none other than 'The Boss'. After just thirty seconds of this song playing, the disc jockey must have realized he put on the wrong song and a brief moment of silence is heard before "Keep their headz ringin" by the one and only doctor of rap. A small flag of the XWF logo drops over the side of the trailer facing the audience acting as a back drop.

Another startling event transpires and takes our immediate attention as a red corvette comes flying through a tall pile of trash next to the stage. It turns sideways and comes sliding through the crowd, running over and killing at least six people. The red corvette comes to a screeching halt next to us which gives us the ability to comprehend what the hell is going on. The car is spray painted with your typical SATAN! propaganda of pentagrams and what have you, but also the words 'Melissa' spray painted in black across the front hood. Inside the car driving it is none other than the demon dicked defiler himself, Unknown Soldier. Also, bobbing around in the bumpy back seat lifelessly with him is the newest rotting pair of dead corpses. The artist formally known as Prince and Chyna.

The crowd of spectators immediately gives out a large cheer and then proceeds to lift and crowd surf both Soldier and the dead bodies towards the front of the stage. The servant of SATAN! climbs his way up to the stage as these dead sluts celebrities finally get hoisted up onto the front of the stage with him. He grabs them both by the back of their heads, one in each hand, and then proceeds to mangle their lips together to simulate a romantic kiss. It's more of just a sloppy mess. He then tosses both the dead corpses out directly at Greggo, who snatches them both up and then cradles each of the lifeless bodies under separate arms. He looks at Prince. He looks at Chyna. Back to Prince. Then to Chyna again. It appears he's made his decision as he drops Chyna like a ton of bricks to the ground with a splat. Soldier then takes Shade's nipple out from his front pocket, a souvenir from his match on Anarchy, and in his other hand he holds the Anarchy tag title. He rubs the nipple all over the front of the title, smearing it with blood. He tosses both of them out to the screaming fans who are seen attempting to murder one another over the merchandise.

The last we see of Greggo is him again galloping gleefully with Prince's corpse towards a pile of trash hidden away from this scene. Two guys who were standing between Greggo in the crowd, now stand on opposite sides of where Chyna fell to the ground looking down at her. They look at each other. Back down to her. Then back at each other again. Both men coincidentally shake their heads in a definitive 'no fucking way dude' manner. They are instead brought to attention as Unknown Soldier leans his head deep inside the top toilet bowl towards the microphone, hovering over the amplified word device like Bernie Sanders. The difference is Soldier needs to do this in order to reach the microphone, but also to deliver more volume through the shitty junkyard sound system. The super socialist old timing shit bag is just in his seventies, so it's typical for him to be a raspier and softer spoken sounding version of Donald Duck.

Unknown Soldier: "......testing......testing...... HAIL SATAN! ......testing."

The crowd rebuttals with a HAIL SATAN! of their own and watch Soldier stand over the podium with his hands outstretched in the signature Ronald Reagan pose. His middle fingers sticking out rather than index like the former president in his pose. Soldier didn't have time to pick up his dead wife on the way to the junk yard, unfortunately ;( . So basically, he's flipping off the entire crowd and they love every second of it. The servant of SATAN! is still wearing his same clothes he wrestled in at Anarchy just nights ago. He probably hasn't bathed since Sunday and smells like he's been rolling around in a barn yard full of shit in the middle of a rain storm composed of cat piss.

Unknown Soldier: "Well, Anarchy turned out to be what I thought it would. Me and Dim's victory over Shade and Makaveli coupled with Ghost Tank's hour of gayness. I seriously hope Vinnie Lane just does the world and XWF a favor and just kills both these worthless idiots so that guys like us don't have to deal with insignificant mutts gnawing at our heels. You see, I'm the biggest fucking dog and I scratch fleas like Liddle J off my balls with my mother fuckin' claws. Speaking of the so called big dog on the block. Why the fuck has Vinnie Lane not found time to bother wrestling on a show where he knows his best little SATAN! buddy will be waiting with my briefcase. I'll get you my little Vinnie, and your little female dog too!"

The crowd all heckles like the wicked witch of the west.

Unknown Soldier: "But, I didn't come out here to speak to the people of the XWF about a wrestling match I won in some second rate show in the garage of a former ECW arena. In fact, I've come out here to speak with the XWF fans after some very classless material that was shown on XWF airwaves immediately after my tag partner Dim's promo featuring Peter Gilmour. Also making a recent appearance on Makaveli's thug soap opera this week. What I saw, was the world's biggest manipulator and scam artist tricking both of my friends. Mr. Donald J. Trump! If this billionaire, yet bankrupt, television celebrity thinks he can ruin the United States of America, that's one thing. But I refuse to let that bully come in here with his Resistance Party and tell the XWF how to run the show. He's even manipulated Dim into forming a stable with a

! A fucking

! This man may have the wool pulled over the eyes of the unintelligent, poor, white trash average american. But he doesn't fucking fool me! You see, feces and rape have been a staple and calling card for the XWF for a long time. In fact, it wasn't douche bags like John Madison and frodo who invented 'Buried Alive in Bodily Fluids' matches. That was in fact; me, yours fucking truly when Ricky Desmond backed out of my match stipulation like a girl who opted out of the dodge ball game at gym class because she didn't want to get sweaty."

The crowd applauds because Ricky Desmond is indeed a raging

.

Unknown Soldier: "Shit and rape are practically in the XWF constitution right next to potatoes and asparagus. You think I'm just going to let you walk all over the XWF constitution, Mr. Trump? I don't think so 'my hair cut looks like a sleeping fox' little punk and that's why I'm here to enter my official nominee for the XWF elections! I will be running under my own party which we created from the funds you all donated at the church of SATAN! recently. The 'SuperFecalpheliactic ExtraRapeydocious' party! Do you know why I have formed this party? It's because

I Have a Dream!"

A new banner folds over the XWF logo on the trailer as the new backdrop behind the podium. This appears to be the new logo for this party of his. It's a picture of frodo smackins shitting in ScatBear's mouth and him giving the thumbs up while Soldier rapes ScatBear from behind. Soldier then turns again to his audience to give his best Martin Luther King Jr. impersonation by raising and bellowing his voice while also flinging his finger around in the air.

Unknown Soldier: "That One Day!..... all XWF matches will be forced to involve either feces or rape. A day when we will build a giant wall of shit around every XWF ring. A wall that will make Trump's wall with Mexico look more like the size of the Trump tower in his pants. A day when

like Scully and Ghost Tank can finally face off in a match that shows how truly gay they are for one another. A 'Get'em hard and then you charge' match. Unlike Mr. Trump who refuses to explain his policies, will tell you exactly what this match involves. It is a ring surrounded by televisions showing only gay porn and the winner is the person who gets hard first and rams his manhood into the opponents rectum like a knight in a jousting match! Trump says 'Make XWF Great Again' well guess what XWF? I say that the XWF is already great and can only get better! In fact, our campaign slogan is going to be 'Make XWF Rape Again!'

The crowd begins to chant 'Rape, Rape, Rape' in a similar fashion to how Trump's crowds chant his name.

Unknown Soldier: "Although we may not always get along and see eye to eye frodo smackins, Shane

, and Morbid Angel. It's our responsibility to bring our party together in the upcoming XWF elections and make sure #NeverTrump! We here at the 'SuperFecalpheliactic ExtraRapeydocious' party welcome your support and full endorsements. The system will most likely be against us, as it is clear by their actions in booking me in my upcoming match this Wednesday. Mr. Trump knows all about being screwed by the delegates of Colorado, so he can relate to how I'm being anally violated by the booking team in the XWF."

Unknown Soldier: "They fear my match stipulations because they fear how insanely epic and amazing they could be. That's why they gave the option to Liddle J and not myself. This is the same man, who in his last match, was given the option to choose five weapons to bring to the ring. Want to know what kind of unique and creative things this douche bag came up with? Well, first of all, the

only chose three options because I guess he has the ingenuity of an inch worm. Then, his three simple choices are a spiked baseball bat, a steel chair, and a beer bottle. Are you even fuckity the fucking of all fucks kidding me? Absolutely pathetic! Let me guess Liddle J, our next match is going to involve all sorts of fucked up shit I've never heard of like tables, ladders, and steel cages. Smdfh! This shriveled dick little darshe' thinks that his super karate buttsex moves are going to give him a one up in this match. Well guess what everyone knows....

SATAN! > karate

...and there's no fucking doubt about that! This meat head better watch both his front and his back in this match, because I might find something else to bite off rather than just a nipple this time. Then everyone will be going around calling him Liddle D!"

A fast moving object comes soaring through the air with the speed of lightening. It stops to hover above the crowd and swoops down over the audience and then finally lands on the stage. It's former first lady and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton swooping in like a witch on a broom, picking up Soldier and chucking him on the back end. She takes off quickly with Soldier in tow, riding off into the rising half moon fading out into the background. The last sound heard is of her cackling something loudly about murdering unborn babies and bathing in their blood.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The birth of the 'SuperFecalpheliactic ExtraRapeydocious' party.
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