http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=23174

Tell me what you guys think. The first part is the "Book of Cain", explaining that Cain has existed since Eden and once lived in paradise. Oh, and Lilith was his mother.

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Alright, I should start by saying I'm not a fan of the gimmick. Not that it shouldn't exist but supernatural stuff is rarely my cup of tea. This is the first promo of yours I'm reading so there's a chance I'm missing stuff.

I like the promo. Sometimes you hit the mark right for the character

. "...mortals. These primates, washed in the blood of the lamb who've been taught by their delusional parents that there is no such thing as monsters. They are so confident in their "beliefs", yet too idiotic and filled with naivety to realize that what they believed once before?"

"It's all lies, lies told to them by holier than thou religious zealots who believe in a book written by their own kind. A kind who would listen to the lies of a fuckin' serpent, and be stupid enough to get themselves cast out from paradise."

That's written pretty well, that sounds like a million year old demon.

But when you start sentences with "man," and call jason Vorhees a "wanna be" it doesn't feel legit. I guess I just don't see a million year old gimmick talking like that. You don't want him to sound like a college Bro.

Really though, you hit the mark for the character more often than not. I'd just suggest being careful that you're always using the voice of your character.

Great tip. That's a much bigger deal than a lot of writers seem to realize.

A similar issue is when people forget to have their side characters sound/talk differently from one another, so they don't all just sound like the same person talking to himself. Same family of oversights that happen quite often, especially among newer RPers.

Monsters Exist?

I would also say that if an opponent succeeds in making you break character, it makes them look a lot better than you because ICly they made you snap or got under your skin. You could go the route of making Cain sort of like an undead badass like late attitude era Undertaker and that may make trash talking and using words like that more acceptable to your gimmick.