Hey guys, I did ask for feedback on this piece OOC in the actual post, but I feel like it also belongs here. Like I said, this is my first real work of roleplaying in an e-fed (The only other was a paragraph long post in the X-Treme Championship section), so I'd like to know what I can do to expand my skills, and If I can keep up with you guys or not.

Check it out here, and thanks.