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X-treme Wrestling Federation » XWF OOC » Out Of Character (OOC) Board
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Some feedback
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Jason E Smith Offline
Welcome the Darkness



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(crowd reaction varies; dips between face & heel)


#1
09-15-2013, 03:52 PM

The Vow

Feedback would be appreciated
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Tony Santos Offline
Santos Glares at You



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#2
09-15-2013, 03:56 PM

Dude, I love what you brought to the table on that promo. You set the scene, and you really let your character be himself. I loved it, to be honest. My only bit of criticism? If you're going to have a change in dialogue (which obviously includes a change in colors, separating the characters), break them out. Don't put one character's comment within another's. It just makes things a bit convoluted and annoying for the reader.

But fuck, man, good work. Keep it up.

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Jason E Smith (09-15-2013)
John Msdison 2.Faggot
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#3
09-15-2013, 05:03 PM

Stay positive, Jason. You've come a long way since when you first came in. Seriously, go back and look at the stuff you were putting out when you first came in. It's a pretty noticeable difference.

Haven't had a chance to read your work yet this week, but I'll try to PM you.
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Jason E Smith (09-16-2013)
John Austin Away
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#4
09-16-2013, 12:29 AM

Like Madison said, you came a long way since at least when I started. You really have stepped up on your work and it shows greatly Smile

Also, the only real gripe I have is basically what Tony pointed out, try and space some stuff out next time, so this way it's not hard on the eyes when to read...at least for me.

Keep up the good work

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Jason E Smith (09-16-2013)
Great Buzzard Eli James IV Offline
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#5
09-16-2013, 09:27 AM

I think you're getting much better. Glad to see you growing and getting better. Keep it up.

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