A lot has changed in the last year of my life.  Some good, some irrefutably not so good.  They say that when one door closes, another opens, but I've always attributed that to pressure inside the building and not any kind of divine intervention.  People that say that are cluelessly looking for any silver lining that they could hang their hat on.  Sometimes, life has no silver lining.  It's similar to the ‘good things come to those who wait’ crowd.  No… no they don't.  Good things come to those that make good things happen for them.

I've matured a lot over the last couple years too.  The biggest piece of that figurative puzzle being that in days gone by, as much as I love my friends and family, I no doubt would have pushed most all of them away by now.  Seb?  Lucy?  Dolly?  Corey?  All of them I'd have found a way to push out of my life for the simple fact that, in previous relationships, they'd find their way out anyway.  My rationalization was that they were gonna leave anyway so why wait?

Truth be told, it was my former wife that helped me see the light in that regard, despite the fact that she left and filed for divorce.  Sometimes… life just happens.  Maybe it's work, or love, or health… people leave your everyday life for a variety of reasons and despite some folks always tryna paint me as some kind of villain, they don't leave because of me so much as they leave because life… happens.

Just about a year ago, my entire world was flipped upside down, but not all of it was bad.  Lauren left me.  Decidedly not good, right?  Through that disaster of an end to a tumultuous marriage, my friends picked me up when I needed them to.

I had met Lucy Wylde a number of times previously, but we were mostly just acquaintances that happened to share a best friend.  It was Seb that initially invited me out to UGWC’s WrestleStock.  It was Seb that reached a hand out when I felt lost, beaten… isolated.  It was Seb, the reason Lucy and I found ourselves in close proximity that kicked off this last year.

It was Lucy… that picked me up off the proverbial mat.  She too was going through a rough breakup and somehow, someway, we found some solace… happiness… some sense of calm and normalcy in each other.

Lucy insists that a year ago when Seb and Frankie watched the rugrats while she and I went around the festival to piss around, it was not in fact a date.  I disagree.  At the time, no, I would have agreed.  It wasn't a date.  It was just a couple of grown adults hanging out, having a good time with one another, and stuffing our faces with funnel cake.  Hindsight suggests something different.  Hindsight would suggest that that night in the Arizona desert, was our first date even if we didn't know it at the time.  The night that began with a simple ride on my now deceased Harley (god dammit Frankie) and ended on a blanket beneath the Milky Way, kicked off perhaps the most important non-familial relationship of my entire life.

That night in Arizona kicked off a romance that I don't think either of us were expecting.  She began, what I call ‘stalking’ me on Wednesday nights when I was tending bar at the Velvet Rabbit.  Every Wednesday night like clockwork, she was there at the bar hanging out with me.  Our friendship grew considerably.  It grew quickly.

---

”Lovely isn't it?” Lucy asked as the fireworks began.

Frankie was tending to the twins a few feet away, being a great big brother as he always was.  I stood behind her, gripping her around her waist with my face nuzzled on her shoulder as the fireworks lit up the Arizona night sky.

”Yeah,” I agreed with a smile.  I could feel her smile grow against my cheek.

---

A year ago, almost to the day…

And I didn't want to make the same mistakes that I made with Lauren.  We were wed three weeks (23 days to be precise) after we met, so this relationship with Lucy has progressed significantly slower.

I was a whore.  I'm not proud of that, but it's true.  But for the last six months of my marriage to Lauren, Lauren was just someone I also slept with in addition to the dozens of others.  Hell, when word spread about the things I was doing in private, someone that doesn't even particularly like me said “Thad, that's not you.”

They were right.

I wished I had listened.

I wished I had heard those words for what they were.

While I had my moments and Lauren had hers too, I was not a particularly good husband to her.  In the initial aftermath of looming divorces, so many people say “never again.”  I remember a lengthy conversation with Lucy one night that lasted well into the morning where she asked me that question: would I ever get married again?  I don't remember exactly how I answered her that night, but I do know that even then, yes, I would do it again, but I'd do it differently.

See, these last going on two years, I've (probably others too) been waiting for me to slip up and fall back into old habits and into beds that aren't mine.  The thing is, even before Lauren left, I got called out by my son.  He pretended to be stupid for a long time and anyone that knows Frankie knows that stupid is not a word to describe him.  He knew what I was doing, he knew it was pretty disgusting.  He called me out and challenged me to be the man I foolishly thought I already was.  It was a little rough in the beginning, as is any addiction breaking endeavor, but I conquered the worst aspect of my psyche and I have Frankie to thank for challenging me to do better, to be better.  To be the role model I was capable of being.

Now?  I don't even remember the last time that I looked at anyone (present company excluded) with any sort of lust.

Lucy Wylde had been there for me through all of my life's bumpy roads this past year.  From the divorce papers, to Frankie damn near killing himself on my Harley, to his subsequent coma and recovery, to the XWF basically being thrust into my lap, to the divorce finalization process with Lauren… every last bit of it, she was there with a hand, a shoulder, a heart… whatever I needed, whenever I needed it.

I try hard not to compare my relationships with Lucy and Lauren, but it's impossible for me not to.  The two are night and day different.  I thought all marriages were kind of rocky.  I thought all marriages had bickering and yelling and more fights than peace.  Through Lucy and being with her over the last year, I found out what real love is.  Her and I get along so well that not even once has either of us raised our voice at the other.  Through her I learned what unconditional love and devotion really means and I’m forever thankful and grateful.

---

I released her waist and took a step back.

I had been considering it since the day months ago when my divorce was finalized.  Every day, every moment simultaneously seemed like the right time and the wrong time.  While I was somewhat convinced I knew the answer, I was also scared.  Marriage wasn't kind to me in the past, but I also know that a toxic relationship will kind of do that.

Lucy and I… are anything but toxic.

Fact is… I had known she was the one since that night in Arizona.

”Hey, where'd you…” Lucy turned to find me just as the grand finale began.  She looked for a moment, then glanced down at me.


This time… I’d be marrying my best friend.