The Truth Within

May I have some feedback I'm starting a little fresh and I want to know what people think?

You have a lot of run-on sentences::

The lights are blinding, his eyes are trying to get use to the bright light just like when you wake up in the morning and you're trying to get use to the real world again and all he did was close his eyes for a second just to take some weight off of his heavy eyes because he was tired and the heavy burdens he had was taking it’s toll on his body and they all seem to target one part of him which was his eyes.


This seems to read smoother::

The lights are blinding and his eyes are trying to get use to the bright light. You know like when you wake up in the morning and you're trying to get use to the real world again. All he did was close his eyes for just a second to take some weight off of his eyelids. He was tired and the heavy burdens he had were taking their toll on his body and they all seem to target one part of him; his eyes.

I dunno, just my opinion. Try to read your role play a few times before posting it. Or have someone else read it.

Only reason I'm throwing my two sense into this thread is because I'm an English major in college.

Fair enough and thank you for your feedback I appreciate your opinion