In the heat of the morning sun, a glare of glowing white light reflects back in a camera that comes from the reflection of a giant steel building standing tall in front of a street full of busy people bustling around on a busy day. Everything seems to be in slow motion, as street lights are moving ever so slowly and flashing between the colors of green, yellow, and red. Thousands upon thousands of people walk in a delayed sluggish manner on the concrete streets hardly noticing one another or bothering to make any eye contact beyond what was necessary to keep moving and not running into each other.

This is the world we live in now, a world possessed by self-entitled pricks that would rather look down at their fucking cell phone at their GPS giving them directions! All the son of a bitch would have to do is just lift his head and look right in front of him. He would see that the fucking STARBUCKS that he is looking for on his cell phone GPS is on both sides of the street because there's so many god damn many of those! Take your technology, and your dreadlocks, and your iced caramel macchiato and move it douchebag!

Nonetheless, as the camera makes it past the busy streets and up closer to the building, it begins gliding upwards and sliding on the mirrored window surfaces of the outside of the tall skyscraper. It turns upwards and begins floating up and up further and further and faster and faster, traveling up floor by floor of this massively tall skyscraper as the clouds go flying past at an alarming rate.

Finally, we reach the very top floor which had to of at least been over 500 stories up by the amount of metal and steel that went flying past our faces. The camera then stops to look in upon a very important meeting with a bunch of high-class XWF executives sit around a giant round table. Everyone is dressed up in very expensive suits with solid dark-colored ties signifying dominance and strength to go with shining gold cufflinks dangling off their wrists.

And, then....















































































...there's Vinnie Lane.

Of course, dressed like the fucking hippie that he is, wearing his tattered jean jacket vest with purple and pink polka dots along with his spandex pants and long shaggy hair. You see, that's what Peter means by Vinnie being a hippie, you dumb cunt rag Rebel Star, is that when he SHOULD be dressed to impress he still shows up looking like he belongs in some Barney Green rendition of himself as the big green loveable dinosaur, dancing around and teaching me about how sharing is caring when it comes to the number of dicks in a tranny orgy! Hair and glam metal is pretty much just the homosexual version of the Grateful Dead! He's a fucking hippie, so DEAL WITH IT, YOU DUMB CUNT! DEAL WITH IT!

Naturally out of place as Vinnie tends to be, he's obviously far from enthralled with the speech that Theo Pryce was giving at the forefront of the room. Mr. Pryce was standing tall and proud with his dark black suit and a solid pressed white undershirt. A dark blue tie hanging off the end of his neck, and his cufflinks and suit matched obviously to the exact dimensions of his body as it wouldn't come to anyone's surprise that Theo Pryce has his own personal tailer that knits a new suit for him every night after measuring him before he goes to sleep. The mother fucker is phat paid and likes to dress the part.

Vinnie is fiddling on his cell phone scrolling quickly with his finger over the screen, he obviously can't be reading everything he's scrolling through and just looks like he's scrolling quickly to find literally anything that might catch his interest. Like maybe some nude photos from one of his female fans or a tweet from drezdin or something, but other than that he looks totally unsatisfied with everything on his cell phone as he drifts off even further from the conversation that Theo Pryce was giving to the group.

Theo Pryce -- "What do you think Vinnie?"

Vinnie Lane -- "Think about what?"

Theo Pryce -- "About our problem here?"

Vinnie Lane -- "What problem?"

You can see a large number of the XWF executives are getting frustrated with Vinnie Lane's lack of attention as many of them sigh and make annoyed yawns and minor outbursts among the crowd. One eventually has had enough and stands up and starts screaming at both Vinnie and Theo.

Some random shit head - "If it doesn't come from twitter this idiot doesn't know or care about it anyway, Theo! What the hell does Vinnie even do here, he just sits around and leeches off this place like a FUCKING HIPPIE trying to score some K or a halfie of a cigarette!"

Vinnie Lane -- "Hey asshole, you know I run Anarchy right? An entire bi-weekly show just like Warfare or Savage?"

Some random shit head -- "What the hell is he talking about? What the fuck is 'Anarchy'? Theo, the man is delusional, why you would ask him questions about the subject or get him involved at all is absolutely ridiculous."

The man seems serious enough to actually believe that Anarchy doesn't actually exist. Who can blame him though really, when literally anyone can just claim they are the Anarchy Champion it really seems like a world of imagination and make-believe when you think about it. It sounds like a dream come true for Chronic Chris Page who specializes in 'pretending' to be a champion!

Theo Pryce -- "What are we going to do about Unknown Soldier retaining the Universal Title against CCP. That freak should have been dethroned a month ago in that rematch against Robert Main at Relentless and he's ruining ratings worse than a Kofi Kingston World Championship title run!"

Vinnie lifts his head from staring at his cell phone and looks confused and a bit flabbergasted before responding to Theo's question.

Vinnie Lane -- "Oh, yeah about that, dude..."

Theo Pryce -- "Did you even know that Unknown Soldier was the Universal Champion? DUDE!"

Vinnie Lane -- "Of course I did! Come on, I'm a part-owner you guys, I knew who our champion was, are you serious?!"

The words coming out of his mouth tell a completely different tone than the mannerisms across his body language and face.

Theo Pryce -- "Well, thankfully like always I'm the only one of the three owners doing all the actual 'thinking' around here and paying attention so I've decided to embarrass and humiliate him by booking him in a match against Scully. Hey, it worked for you, didn't it Vinnie?"

Vinnie Lane -- "Fuck you Theo and fuck your meetings! It's time for me to go shoot for 'Bad Date' anyways!"

Theo Pryce -- "Yes, you go shoot your cheesy 'cheap laugh' sitcoms and I'll keep running the place as per usual, arrivederci asshole!"

Vinnie Lane flips over his chair and knocks over a bunch of glasses of water while flipping everyone off and backing his way out of the room.

Theo Pryce -- "Got him out of here with the ol' loss to Scully line. Gets him all fired up every time! Anyways, back to important business folks. What do we do about Unknown Soldier? I'm seriously booking him against Scully so he can expose that for the giant pussy that he is, but then what?"

All of the rest of the crowd looks at one another, and then come to an obvious agreement by nodding and agreeing with one another, then some random shit head steps in front of all them and announces their conglomerated agreement.

Some random shit head -- "Lux! For fuck's sake Lux, Theo! You know, the one we've been talking about for months deserves his own shot at the title!"

Theo scratches his chin and nods his head as if telling himself what a great idea he had come up with.

Theo Pryce - "It will be a match for the ages, and it will be all my idea!"

The crowd kind of looks on with odd glances at Theo and mumble amongst themselves repeating his final three words but in a sarcastic tone with an obvious question mark at the end of their sentence as with each spoken word it raises in intensity.

Theo Pryce -- "Well that wraps up things for this evening. Does anybody have any questions?"

The crowd starts to make their way out of the staff meeting quickly by standing up immediately when Theo says they would be wrapping things up, but unfortunately, after every fucking staff meeting it never fails that some douchebag has to stand up and be a complete suck-up piece of shit and ask a stupid question that the group had already been over 666 times before and it extends the meeting another twenty minutes because of it.

Suck-up Douchebag -- "When will we be drawing for the next round of Lethal Lottery?"

Theo Pryce -- "Yes, as I was saying before and it's pretty obvious that the drawings will have to wait to take place until after the final match on Spooky Savage Saturday night."

Suck-up Douchebag -- "Oh yeah, of course, I remember now..."

He obviously knew the answer to that last question but just wanted to suck up like a little bitch and try to score some brownie points by sticking his nose up Theo's ass for a second and making him feel important. Tends to work if you're a pretty ego-centric boss.

Theo Pryce -- "Any further questions?"

The same douchebag stands up again as the rest of the crowd of XWF executives attempt to escape even more quickly than the last time, but are interjected before they can depart by this same douchebag as they curse under their breath before returning to their seat to hear him ask another question.

Suck-up Douchebag -- "Yes, what about...."

Before he can finish his sentence a giant..........

















































































CRASH!

... as a human body comes flying through the glass walls that shatter completely to reveal the XWF wrestler that was the recent subject of their conversation... Unknown Soldier! His lifeless body laying on the top of the business meeting table landing miraculously directly in the center of it after tumbling through the glass windows. The Universal Champion is covered in bits of glass mixed with blood with deep dark purple and black bruises all over his body.

He looks completely dejected and practically dead as his body shivers and convulses on the top of the table. The sudden catastrophe sends the crowd of XWF executives into an absolute frenzy, as they take off in different directions, both scared and alarmed by the sudden event of a human being come flying through a glass window and shattering it to pieces right in front of them.

In steps a priest to the scene, who was obviously the person that used Unknown Soldier as a projectile and launched him through the glass window. He's dressed in full priest gear with his long black robes and tattered white collar around his neck. He looks a bit older, with his greying hair and long beard to match his minor showings of wrinkles between his eyes and off the edges of his skins that meet the knees and elbows. Although he is wearing full priest garb, it is frayed, ripped, and dilapidated with smudges of mud and dirt all over his clothes completely.

He walks into the meeting with a giant pep in his step as it is very commanding of his situation with a very powerful dominant march as he steps on and pushes random XWF executives out of his way until he gets back to the body he tossed through the window. He pushes the suck-up douchebag so hard out of the way opposite of the direction that Unknown Soldier came flying past, and he shatters the other side of the glass wall windows and goes flying off to his death probably 500 stories up in the sky.

A howling wind enters the building because of the elevation that the scene is being shot at. The eyes of the XWF executives turn to complete fear while the eyes of the priest burn a fire of furious flames in the back of his irises in the back of his eyes. A lone person walks up to him and gives him a hug, thanking him for being rid of the suck-up douchebag.

But the priest was having none of that as he sends him flying out the window to his imminent doom as well. The priest walks up to Unknown Soldier and starts slamming his face back and forth into the table viciously. Theo Pryce all the meanwhile is not moving a muscle and still stands watching the entire scene unfold in front of him with little to no fear coming across his demeanor with the wind blowing his hair across his face. The priest gets up in Unknown Soldier's face and begins to scream at him with bits of saliva flailing off the ends of his lips.

SATAN! -- "You tapped out to that piece of shit like a bitch! You barely won that match, and you probably wouldn't have if it weren't for me making a deal with Theo here!"

Theo Pryce -- "So nice of you to finally join me, FATHER O'MALLEY! It would seem that our plans are going exactly as we have foreseen them. You wanted a little 'crying in the distant wind' and I gave it to you and your client here is still the Universal Champion."

FATHER O'MALLEY! has been taken over by some unseen evil spirit after it left the PRESIDENT!'s body, although it was still revealed that Donald Trump is a douchebag with or without a demon possessing his soul inside him!

SATAN! -- "Do you want all the power?"

Theo Pryce -- "Listen, we've been over this, Vinnie and James are my partners and they..."

SATAN! -- "Listen, you don't have to admit it publicly for it to not be obligatorily obvious that you run the show here, you've been pulling the strings all along and helped me orchestrate Unknown Soldier's little escapade of hell upon the XWF universe! The rest of the owners are completely clueless and this is all so far over their heads that these secrets are more like birds shitting on top of James and Vinnie's head as they fly by with open mouths eating and feasting on that shit and pretending it's Taco Bell toasted cheddar chalupas. We're feeding them a line of bullshit Theo, and they're snorting it up their nose faster than Vinnie Lane can in a room with Motley Crue in it. And to think, Chronic Chris Page thought it was Vinnie fucking him in the ass with no lube this entire time. Wow, doesn't he look ever so stupid and silly now."

Theo Pryce -- "You promised me the HOLY GRAIL! for doing all of this for you! The fountain of eternal life!"

SATAN! -- "Why would you need eternal life, Theo? Do you plan on ruling the XWF for all of eternity?"

A crooked smile comes across Theo's face.

Theo Pryce -- "Like I said, Vinnie and James and I own it together."

The words coming out of his mouth tell a completely different tone than the mannerisms across his body language and face.

From out of the corner of the room a short black man with dark red glasses and his suspenders or his jeans pulled up around his pants as tightly as possible interrupts the two of them. It's none other than Steve Urkel from the hit sitcom Family Matters. You know, an actual hit sitcom unlike what that talentless piece of shit Vinnie Lane acts in his free time to make himself popular with the millennial cool kids. But I bet that old codger and everyone else can still remember the witty and funny little ' ' anecdotes and jokes that swept through the '90s that were delivered by none other than Steve Urkel himself!


Steve Urkel -- "DID I DO THAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!"

He says pointing at the broken glass all over the ground with a laugh track from a sitcom playing in the background.

Theo Pryce -- "What the fuck is Steve Urkel doing here?"

SATAN! -- "He's here to make a point that humor can actually be funny if you do it right. You see, unlike Scully, Steve Urkel is actually a funny and doesn't go around trying to get a rise out of people who think that sex amongst a bunch of people is actually funny. That's called shock humor and it's sort of like watching bum fights or two dogs fucking on the side of the road. Sure, you look and maybe laugh a little bit, but then after about thirty seconds you turn your head away and walk on past it like it never even really happened and you never remember it. Sort of like Scully's Universal title reign.

are actually only funny when you put them in the context of a real-world setting and they have to deal with real-world problems but instead use a joke about them being handicapped. Forcing a bunch of to have sex and film it is more depraving then eating babies for climate change. It's also a sad attempt at slapstick humor and shows the intelligence of a man who is desperate for attention. I don't even want to watch pregnant chics or midgets fuck, so who in the hell would think that watching a couple of in a porno movie fuck is funny?"

Theo Pryce -- "I'd rather watch Scatbear."

SATAN! -- "He'd rather watch SCATBEAR! For fucks sake people!"

Theo Pryce -- "Enough about this nonsense, when will I have the HOLY GRAIL! in my grasps!"

SATAN! -- "Soon, very soon. We just have to find someone who wants to wander through the desert into a land full of nothing but wind and sand for a long while until he gets to the long lost pyramids."

FATHER O'MALLEY! starts to scan the room with his eyes and stops directly while looking at Theo.

Theo Pryce -- "Do I look like fucking Indiana Jones to you? Obviously we're going to use Unknown Soldier again, right?!"

He says motioning to the lifeless body that was still laying on top of the middle of the business meeting table in the center of the room. The priest nods his head as if he hadn't already thought of that before, coming to an odd realization as a light bulb had just gone off inside his head.

SATAN! "Oh yeah, but first, let's discuss more details of our super-secret evil plans before we send off our little slave once again."

The three of them; this is Theo, FATHER O'MALLEY, and Steve Urkel, begin to walk out of the room and down the hall with all three of them with their arms around one another's shoulders. Steve Urkel is in the middle of the two who are chatting back and forth and the in the middle is just moving his head up and down and acting like he's agreeing with whatever dark sinister plans the two of them had cooking up together. Although it's likely he doesn't understand or have any idea at all what's going on, yet his smile is ear to ear like the mother fucking jokers. That's how you make a joke!

Unknown Soldier starts to stir a little bit as he pulls himself up from laying on the center of the table in the middle of the room. He pulls up a piece of glass and looks into a mirror as half his face paint has eroded away on the left side of his face. Looking into a reflection of two different faces staring back at him in a large piece of glass that he picked up sitting next to him on the table. He then begins his evil and magnificent monologue while hacking up blood and twitching violently as if he had suffered numerous concussions.


"I've been watching a lot of other XWF wrestlers promos lately, and you know what I've seen? A lot of people giving Scully shit for being the person that dropped the Universal title belt to Peter Gilmour. Now, Peter is my friend so I don't really have anything to say about that and I won't take the same cheap insult that everyone else is using because that's not who I am, and that's now how I operate! What I will do is make a statement to Scully himself. I told you mother fucker! I told you three years ago that if you backed down to my acceptance to your challenge that one day you would be paying for it dearly and would not only be known as the worst Universal champion in history, but also the biggest fucking pussy on the face of the entire fucking planet! You could have ACCEPTED MY CHALLENGE YEARS AGO and lost to me like a man, but instead, you decided to play your little chicken shit games where you kept ducking and dodging me and everyone else and avoiding challenges and not wrestling on shows for months upon months upon months. You got what you deserved, you sniveling little cunt!

You see, I'm the revealer of the truth, just as I did with Robert Main when I exploited his hypocrisy and how he became the Universal Champion by using a briefcase himself on Engy after he claimed it was a cheap way for me to take the title from him.

You see, just as I revealed that Chronic Chris Page and his fucking ego were going to get the best of him and distract him, and it's always his downfall when it comes to the big dance.

Now I'm going to exploit YOU Scully. For having a pussy so large that 666 douches can get up inside of it to clean it! I implore everyone to take a look at those tapes from three years ago, as not only I but the entire XWF universe shit all over him when it was revealed, by yours truly, that for 120 days straight he didn't defend the title until it was against Peter fucking Gilmour and HE LOST! Scully had failed to defend his title after winning it from Vinnie Lane for that fucking long people! That's why he's the worst Universal Champion in the history of the XWF, folks!

That's why he can barely show his fucking face around these parts anymore because he's ashamed of how big of a giant pussy it's been revealed him to be. He didn't even show up on XWF television because he was afraid of yours truly cashing in a briefcase on him when I had TWO! He had two NON-TITLE matches in between winning the title from Vinnie and 120 days later defending it against Peter Gilmour. A match against Barney fuckin' Green of all people and Guppy Parsh! What does that sound like to you, everyone? Sound like someone was a hiding coward or what?

Let's fast forward to the present day. Shall we? Now, I'm the Universal Champion and I'm defending it as much as possible against all-comers. I've defeated the top two contenders already and accepted his challenge. I defended the title three times more than he did in a quarter the amount of the time that he was Universal Champion. This sack of shit would not accept my challenge years ago, and I could have easily told him to get fucked when he came out here and challenged me for this match about a month ago. But did I? No! Because I'm not a fuckin' pussy like him and I'm out to prove myself as the greatest Universal Champion in history when I walk all over Lux at Lethal Lottery!

Because let's face it; Scully, Fuzz and BigD are right and you don't deserve this opportunity and you really are nothing but a cakewalk for me until I get to the final boss at Lethal Lottery when I face Lux. Why did I give it to you? Because I fucking hate you Scully! I will never forgive you for your pussy boi' type behavior in the past and I intend to make an example out of you on Warfare when I beat the ever living holy hell out of you and teach you a lesson and show you why everyone thinks you are nothing but worthless scum each and every promo they cut against you and belittle you for all eternity for your shitty Universal title run.

You will be my toughest opponent yet, but not because of your talent level.. Oh hell the fuck to the no! But because of the amount of pain and suffering, I am about to unleash upon you! Because guess what? You pissed me the fuck off, and I'm going to focus every last bit of my energy into pounding you further and further into the ground and exposing you for the fraud that you truly are! I will go absolutely ape shit and fly all over that hell in a cell cage like an orangutang. Slapping you in the face with my 'banana' over and over again until you are so embarrassed and humiliated that you'll wish the worst of your nightmares was losing to Peter Gilmour.

Are you going to bring up some Gauntlet Match that you won when you defeated Peter and I both to become the number one contender to Vinnie's title that you went on to win from him? The one you entered into last and didn't have to fight a match on the card earlier in the evening like Peter and I had to against each other? The one where Peter and I mowed down competitor after competitor for you just to swoop in at the last second and get lucky? The same night where you sat in the back eating catering at the beginning of the night while Peter and I put on a show for the XWF fans in one of the greatest Xtreme title matches of all time? That's going to be your leverage against me? That's all you've been tooting your horn around here about for years while I was gone? That's your 'claim to fame'? Please, mother fucker, I can count on less than two hands the number of losses in my career. You'd probably need to recruit another twenty people into your ' Crew' and count on all their hands and feet before we got to the long laundry list of losses in your sad and pathetic career.

This is a speech similar to the one I gave to Robert Main because he seemed to have a similar stance on this whole situation as you do. When I had to teach him a thing or two about how his legacy was pathetic when you wrapped it all up in a nutshell and counted the number of days he avoided confrontation and defending his title. It's not as sad and pathetic as you though, nothing tops that level of shitbaggery! It's not the number of days you hold the title, but the number of defenses against the challenges that come knocking at your door on a daily basis and the legacy you leave behind by defeating those most worthy of a chance. It's pretty clear, that the very first day I surpassed your title reign by defending the Universal Title against Michael Graves at XX just ONE DAY after winning it. It took me one day to pass Scully's legacy as XWF Universal champion! Count the number of defenses and who they were against, and not the calendar dates you sack of drizzling shits! They will remember the people that I've defeated and remember me forever as an actual fighting champion. That's the difference between me and Scully as Universal Champions and why I accepted his challenge and will prove to him and the XWF world what it means to be a true Universal Champion and leave a legacy behind. Unlike Scully, I'm the man that's actually capable of defending it.

Try to make that argument against me Scully, oh that's right you can't! Because the only time you tried to defend the title in 120 days was when you lost it to Peter Gilmour. Whoops! Couldn't contain myself, because really this does need to be reminded of it constantly for the bullshit he's pulled and the fact of the matter that his title reign actually ended this way is just karma reenacting itself in its finest form!"