OOC: Formatting pls don't kill

"I don't know about this."

The scene opens on Ned Kaye, head in his hands in what appears to be a coach seat in an airplane. Seated next to him is APEX founding member and self-proclaimed cat expert, Drew Archyle.

"You know, we wouldn't have to go through with this if you didn't abuse your ownership of your feline friends."

"For the umpteenth time, this wasn't my idea, Drew!"

Ned throws his hands up in frustration, nearly hitting someone in another seat with how cramped they all are. He sighs, leaning back in his chair to the best of his ability. A small chime is heard as Drew retorts.

"Well, then you have to prove that to me, Ned! And this is the only way!"

The Notorious One rolls his eyes.

"I hardly see how this is going to help me face Noah more effectively. I could be sending time with Deety right now or working on my technique. But instead, I let you convince me to go on this- this... scheme of yours! What is this going to accomplish?"

Drew's face turns sour, revealing how supremely done he is with Kaye's repeated complaining.

"He's trying to take your cat, Ned! That's your pet, regardless of the kinky name!"

"It's not about the sex act, it's about-"

"Yeah, yeah, Nixon or some shit. I don't really care! He could've taken so many other things from you, but he chose this, Ned! He knew what he was doing! So, now you gotta take something away from him!"

"Is that why we're going to Australia? To rob Noah?"

Ned gives Drew a perplexed, somewhat horrified look.

"We're not taking his shit! We're taking something more important!"

A stewardess appears out of frame, leaning over to speak to the two men, making certain she appears on camera.

"Um, excuse me, sirs? Could you please keep it down? We have other guests trying to sleep."

"Of course, my apologies."

"I'll make sure he doesn't get too loud again."

The stewardess awkwardly hangs in frame before being pulled away by one of the cameramen.

"Anyway, what do you associate with Noah fucking Jackson? Give me a few traits."

Ned thinks for a moment, still utterly confused.

"...He's an asshole."

"A different trait."

"Narcissist."

"Still no!"

"He's Australian?"

"Exactly!"

Drew's voice nearly shakes the seats they're in, Ned beginning to apologize to some of the other passengers quietly.

"If he wants to try and take your furry companion, then you're gonna take his culture! You're gonna out cunt the cunt!"

Looking into Drew's eyes, Ned notices the staunch determination coloring his face. In a short moment, Kaye nearly folds, dropping his head into his hands.

"I... I hate this. I hate this so much."


The scene cuts to Ned and Drew outside of a 7-Eleven with several TimTams and Vegemite. Drew has preemptively dipped one of the biscuits in the... unsettling substance, pushing it into the face of The Notorious One.

"No. Absolutely not."

"Come onnnnnnnnnnnnn."

"No."

"Eat it, Ned."

"Not gonna happen."

The former Tag Team Champion begins to become indignant, raising his voice.

"Come onnnn! If you act this way the whole time, this whole trip will be wasted! And I used your card for it, so that's really only a loss for you."

"You did WHA-"

Drew quickly shoves the TimTam-Vegemite combo into Ned's mouth, who chews it carefully.

"Hey, you know, this isn't that ba-"

There is an immediate cut to Drew standing outside a restroom, loud wretching sounds being heard from behind the door.


The next scene shows Ned and Drew at a nice looking steakhouse, Ned visibly more pale than usual.

"... I think my body is trying to reject this country and everything about it."

Drew frowns, doing his best to raise Ned's spirits.

"Hey, hey! Don't fret, kid! This place has got some of the best beef on the planet."

Ned stares at the plate in front of his, appearing to be a very well cooked ribeye.

"Hey... didn't you pay for this with my money?"

"Huh? Oh, no, no. I just said that so I could stuff that cookie thing in your mouth."

"So... who's paying for this?"

"Somebody."

Ned shrugs, deciding to take a bite of the steak, his face instantly lighting up.

"Whoa..."

"Am I right or am I right?"

Ned nods, smiling a bit.

"Maybe this isn't so bad. Thanks for talking me out here."

Drew smiles as Ned stuffs his face, talking with his mouth full.

"So, where to next?"


The scene cuts to an Australian pub, Ned and Drew sitting at the bar, Almond milk in front of them both.

"Do you even drink?"

"Nah."

The two sit in silence for a moment. Ned looks around the empty pub, trying to see if there's anything else available to them.

"This wasn't a very well thought out idea."


Suddenly, there's a cut to Ned and Drew in the Australian Outback, watching closely in wonder at an animal out of the camera's sight.

"Wow..."

"Isn't that creature just magnificent?"

The camera spins to reveal none other than a kangaroo, truly the most majestic of the animal kingdom. Drew nudges Ned forward as The Notorious One stares in beguiled awe.

"Go on, make friends! Noah ain't even seen one o' these before!"

Entranced, Ned steps forward, getting ever so closer to the animal.

"What an amazing creature..."

"I knew this was a good id-"

As soon as Ned reaches an arm's length, the kangaroo kicks him in the face, knocking him out immediately.

"Oh shi-"

The scene cuts to black as Drew and the camera crew rush to check on Ned.

"You can't run from yourself."