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Thaddeus Duke · (09-20-2019)

7:07 AM | Homeroom | John Adams Academy | New Haven, Connecticut

A week or so ago I received a lesson in friendship and love. Or rather, what it is to love and support your friends even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone in order to join them as they try and enter theirs. I pride myself on being a good person. I pride myself on being an even better friend. I’m not perfect, no one is. Like anyone, sometimes I speak or act without thinking. The end result of that is being entirely out of touch and completely insensitive.

Most of you know my friend Garrett. He’s the one that discovered my true identity as Thaddeus Duke and not Jack Fitzgerald. He’s the one that thought he had balls and followed me home from school only to find himself in direct conflict with my military. He’s the one that introduced himself to my world by trying to blackmail me into keeping his dirty little secret that he liked guys instead of girls.

Not that it matters, even though he thought it did. He could have just not been a douche and I could have befriended him all the same. But here we are. Several months later and Garrett, despite our initial introduction, has become one of my best friends and he’s going to teach me a lesson I won’t soon forget.

”Hey Jack,” Garrett whispers to me in Miss Stevens’ homeroom class. I look over at him but say nothing, just waiting for him to say whatever it is he wants to say. ”So, I uhh, I have some family in Memphis and I’d really like to go there,” he begins.

”So go there, what do you need me for?” I ask in a not as friendly manner as I intended.

”Nevermind, forget it,” he says, a bit dejected.

Realizing there’s something on his mind that he doesn’t seem able to just spit out, I prod him a little, urging him to continue. ”Nah man, seriously. What is it?”

”Things aren’t great at home,” he continues quickly. ”My dad isn’t...”

”He’s not accepting you,” I state, finishing his sentence.

”No. My family in Memphis is far more tolerant of my lifestyle than my parents are. They invited me out and it just happens that there is a Pride festival in town and Uncle Mike said that I ought to go and experience it.”

”Your Uncle Mike is right man, if you’re gonna go out there, you should go to the festival. Experience life with people that are just like you and people that are accepting and tolerant of your lifestyle bro.

“Definitely man, do it.”

”Well I was telling my shrink about it and I told him how I was scared to go and he thought I should take someone with me that I know and trust...”

Oh shit.

”So I was thinking… Would you go with me Thad? Y’know, for support?”

”Mannn. I dunno. I have school, my work, my life is fucking hectic like ALL the time, Gar. Plus, I dunno how it’d effect my image...”

”Bullshit.”

What? No, my life really is a fucking hectic nightmare. And he just…

”You talk a lot about loyalty and how much you love your friends, Jack. You talk all the fucking time, like a broken fucking record about how you will do anything to protect your friends. Am I not your friend?”

”Of course you are!”

”Your image? Your fucking image Jack? What is your primary fanbase in wrestling Jack? What is your target audience when you step out from behind the curtain?”

”The younger crowd, obviously. I mean, most grown ass adults can’t relate to...”

”Sit and think for a second, Jack. In your key demographic, what percentage do you think, males and females, are like me? Or are hiding the fact that they’re like me? How many are struggling with turning the fucking door handle to come out of the god damn closet, Jack? You’re a hero to millions of young kids all over the world.

“Imagine what it’d do for your image that you’re so fucking worried about for thousands upon thousands of kids like me to see their hero at a Pride festival telling them its ok to be themselves.

“Just think about that, Jack.”

You ever have that feeling that you said the wrong thing, or that you’re about to say the wrong thing but you still can’t stop yourself from saying it? Like your tongue moves just a little faster than your brain? This here… This was that.

I’m so ashamed of myself right now for letting him down. He really gave it to me and I totally deserved it. He’s right. He is 100% right. I say it all the time that I’ll do anything for the people I love. If you’re in my inner circle, then yeah, I love you. I love Garrett. Despite his sometimes douchebaggery, he’s a good kid. He’s a good person that at times, I feel like I’m so lucky to know. So lucky to be a part of his life.

I look over at him and it hits me that he really put himself out there. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to ask me to be a part of something so big in his development into the person he’s meant to be.

”Gar,” I whisper toward him. ”You’re absolutely right and I’m so fuckin’ sorry bro.”

The bell rings for first period, interrupting my apology.

”Whatever man,” he says as he tries to leave.

I stand up though and grab his wrist, stopping his departure. ”I answered before I really thought about it. I know it wasn’t easy to ask me.

“Garrett, I’d be honored to go with you.”

The emotion of the moment causes him to break down a little and bury his head in my shoulder. Guys my age, and his age, they tend to shy away from showing love or affection to their friends. Not me man. I fuckin’ love hugs. So I hold him tight.

...Present Day...

That was a week or so ago. I felt bad about my initial reaction. And I should have. He had every right to take me to task for my nonchalant dismissal of him and really, I think that whole thing brought us closer together. I even went with him once to his shrink and myself, I’m a bit dismissive of shrinks too, but it helps him. With every passing week he’s more human, has more human emotions and tendencies rather than his douchebag tendencies that he had when we first met.

It’s easy to sit back and say ‘well it was the image thing that got Thad to go’ and if you’re saying that or thinking that, you couldn’t be more wrong. While my appearance at such an event might prevent some struggling kid from acting out aggressively or doing something harmful to his or herself, that’s not what made me say yes. Garrett is my friend, and I gassed up my jet to go meet his aunt and uncle, to go with him and support him in his journey of self discovery. Garrett deserves love and support, like anyone does as they’re coming out of the closet. I’m here for him.

”This plane is the shit bro,” Garrett says as Illuminatus One taxis to a rented private hangar for the occasion.

”It was modeled after Air Force One,” I inform him. Obviously.

”How do you do it?”

”Do what?”

”I felt horrible for how I talked to you when you turned me down. I didn’t really think about why you said no, but I’ve had a lot of time to think since then, Jack,” he states as he stares out the window at the rain soaked tarmac.

”You can call me Thaddeus here Garrett, or Thad. Whichever,” I remind him.

”I mean, you’re in government, you’re on TV all the time with the XWF, school, not to mention all the bullshit with those militants that want you dead.

“How do you do it?”

”Easy.”

”It doesn’t sound very easy,” he says as he turns away from the window to look at me.

”It is when it’s really the only kind of life you’ve ever known,” I answer honestly.

”Does it ever get to you? I mean, do you ever just want to turn it all off and just hide from everything and everyone?”

”Remember when I was virtually unreachable for a few months?” He nods confirmation. ”After the attack on the Compound and some other things, I just about had a breakdown. See, I’m not used to losing battles. I’m not accustomed to being outsmarted and caught with my pants down. I won 3 wars in 18 months Garrett, I’m not used to having my back against the wall.

“The night at home, when those jackasses fired rockets into my house and killed my people...” I feel the emotion bubbling toward the surface. ”That was a tipping point Garrett. The wheels started to come off and I made subsequent decisions that cost more lives after that. It was a downward spiral into depression and I couldn’t take it.

“So I did exactly that. I unplugged. I took nothing. I left my home. I left everything and everyone that I knew and loved and I hopped around from place to place. For the first few few weeks I didn’t stay in the same town more than a night and I always flew commercial.

“I kept going and going for 5 weeks, until I managed to find this old castle in Scotland on the cheap. I bought it and brought in some guys from sects in Europe to guard me. I was nervous, scared, paranoid… I didn’t have any intention of coming back.

“Ever.

“Until Jim showed up.”

”That guy doesn’t like me.”

”No, its not that. He just thinks you’re a douche.

“Okay, yeah, he doesn’t like you.”

”What did Jim say that made you come home?”

”It wasn’t anything he said. It was the fact that he was even there. I just… Missed life.”

Neither of us say anything for what seems like an eternity.

”I’m glad you came back man, I uhhh… I kinda missed you.”

”I’m glad I came back, too. And for real, I missed you guys. A lot more than I thought while I was gone. Like, that first day back it felt so great to just sit and talk about inconsequential shit like South Park characters.”

Ding!

”Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking. Please fasten your seat belts as we are on final approach to Memphis International Airport.”

For the first time, it hits me that I’m actually nervous about something. Like Garrett said I’m in government, so I meet and speak with very important people almost daily. I’m a big big star in the XWF and have millions of people all over the world that cheer for me. I have people that want me dead and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Yet none of that matters as much to me as personal things. Like being the one Garrett trusts enough to invite to such a momentous occasion in his life. I told him I was honored, and I am. To come out as a gay man or woman is a deeply emotional thing. To accept yourself as you were created is the beginning of the rest of your life. Those facts aren’t lost on me.

I.

Am.

Champ.

I am the new XWF Television Champion and I could not have been prouder. Emphasis on ‘have been’ as in past tense. Don’t get me wrong, I worked very hard to reclaim myself and find again whatever it was that made me stand out from the rest, what separated me from the pack, whatever it was that made me so damn special that first year of my career. I’m not afraid to admit that at one point I thought well maybe it was just beginners luck. Maybe all the instant classic matches and pay per view main events I had with the likes of Chris Chaos and the poples goat James Raven didn’t really mean I was special. Fast forward to my short departure and subsequent return to the XWF and here I am unbeaten and standing tall with gold around my waist for the first time in a little over 2 years.

I should feel like I’m on top of the world. I should feel like a champion. I should feel pretty fucking good about myself because I am the successor to possibly the best Television Champion of all time in Lux.

Yet here we are. A week later and I’ve had time to digest what transpired. I had time to watch the tape and stew over the fact that the forever incompetent perennial loser that is Mastermind stuck his nose in my business. Maybe this makes me sound like a bad guy, but I have to tell you this is as real as it gets folks. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve and I’ve always called it like I see it. I tried really hard not to attack management for things but I can’t shut up this time.

So it’s like this: your inept management team of the Xtreme Wrestling Federation found it prudent to give Mastermind yet another chance to fail. How many fucking title matches does this man need? How many times will he fail before you realize he isn’t now and never was anything more than a third rate talent with a first rate bank account? Why is it that management always finds a way to undermind their own championships?

What I mean by that is Mastermind fails time after time to lay claim to the Hart title or the Xtreme title and fails to win contender matches for the Hart title at Relentless yet here we are heading into the big 3 day event and Mastermind, despite losing his contender match, is tossed into my match for my title. Now, those of you playing along at home, you tell me what management thinks of the Television championship. As far as I can tell, they don’t think very highly of it. Who gives the loser of a Hart title contenders match a shot at another title instead?

Do you see what I’m saying?

Do you understand what I’m bitching about?

Mastermind is the second coming of Peter Gilmour.

Lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose and still be handed title match after title match. It’s fucking disgusting. It’s a total disgrace to this championship and I’m pissed off. Mastermind can’t win a fucking thing so he sticks his nose in my business, putting a blemish oin my title win and I promise you I am not lying down for it. I’m not taking it in stride and I’m not okay with any of this.

I’m going to fucking hurt Mastermind. I’m going to do so because I’m sick to death of busting my ass to earn everything I’ve ever had in my professional career while people like him are handed golden opportunities on a golden fucking platter without earning any god damn thing. I’m going to do so because I was going to beat Big D without Mastermind’s help but now there’s always going to be that fucking blemish. There’s always gonna be that fuckin asterisk and I swear to god Mastermind you will pay dearly for this.

You should feel lucky, Mastermind, that the match has a fifteen minute time limit because there’s no other way I’d stop kicking your ass. You are a disgrace to this industry and you don’t belong in this match with myself and the man that actually DID earn his shot Cam Jordan.

Cambyses.

That’s a cool name.

Coolness isn’t gonna help you though, Jordy. If there’s one thing that has stayed a constant in the XWF over the last 7 or 8 years its that a pissed off Duke is a bad thing for a great many people.

You find yourself as the current number one contender and unfortunately for you, you’re not going to become the new Television Champion. Fortunate for you, you’re also not going to lose this match.

Yes.

I’m saying it now, I will defeat Mastermind to win this match and retain my title because he does not belong in it. After which I will gladly give Cambyses Jordan the one on one match he earned on Savage and should have had at Relentless.

Now Cam, I realize you beat three other people to earn this shot but don’t be stupid. Don’t be foolish enough to think that beating 3 of those clowns is anything like beating 1 of me.

Spoiler: it’s not.

I’m the freshly crowned and newly minted XWF Television Champion and I’m not going to be dethroned just yet. I have a desire and a will to win that you won’t find in your run of the mill participation award guys like Mastermind or the three jagoffs you beat on Savage. Guys like them, they don’t care if they win or lose. Guys like them, continue to be the same as they ever were, never really improving their game. Guys like them are happy to just have a job.

Guys like you and me Cam, we crave the thrill of victory. We crave the reaction of the crowd. We crave improving our game so no two matches are entirely alike.

Cam, you don’t know me well. At Relentless, you will. You’ll learn that I’m better than you.

I will be RELENTLESS.

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