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Noah Jackson · (09-02-2019)

Fucking Normies Get Out Of My Fed!

I'm starting to get the feeling that cameramen decide when I do a promo instead of myself. It's lucky I have some cunt edit my shit because if I didn't it'd be staring a hole in these cunts for a solid minute while I think of shit to say. The camera-wielding cunt is just staring down at me as I take a much deserved day of rest, floating around in my pool on an inflatable donut. Pretty sure I bounce off the walls in silence at least four times before I slowly face him again with something to say.

"You know what's absolute bullshit?"

I say before taking a sip of Victoria Bitter from half a coconut like a fancy cunt. I push away the luminous pink crazy straw from my lips. The donut begins to spin away from the cameraman who has decided today he's Tarantino and just wants a long, static shot of me talking. Fucking cunt. I try and kick my foot in the water all nonchalantly but just make it worse.

"The fucking XWF."

I manage to turn around.

"I've been saying this for a while now but the bullshit has really stepped up as of late. I'm impressed really, sky's the fucking limit, cunts!"

"We got management taking the piss and refusing to show an actual bracket for the tag tourney."

"We have teams getting byes INCLUDING the tag champs."

"We have Lacklan with zero Anarchy title defences and the cunt isn't even wrestling on this show!"

"Tell me that's not fucked."

"Now you cunts all know me, I will ALWAYS admit a real loss and to Kenzi, congrats, cunt. You cunts got a break while me and Fuzz proved we're the hardest workers here and that fell right into your lap. You won and now you're up against a team that's the definition of minimal effort, Apex is up against a team that puts AGK to shame and we're up against a team that feels like the product of a racial sensitivity training course."

"Two of the lowliest scumfuck cunts to ever fill the XWF with a foul odour, slapped together in some desperate attempt for a job squad to claim a semblance of relevance here. Why are they together? Do they actually think they could make a good run of shit now?"

"The only thing I learned from those two cunts at Savage was how teamwork is formed and maintained."

"They're married, they've tagged together for fuck knows how long and it showed."

"Gotta give props to that."

"... Still shit cunts though."

"I debuted and Fuzz took the piss out of me, we went back and forth for a fair bit and ripped each other apart. Through that, we gained mutual respect, like when you fight a kid in high school and don't go down. From then on, we talked and saw similarities in each other. I thought he was my dad just down to how alike we actually were in so many, small ways."

"We're both sick as fuck."

"We fucking can't stand how this shitshow is run."

"And we can both do gnarly skateboard tricks."

"It's chemistry, cunts."

"Now."

"Look at Wish and Black and tell me what exactly it is they have in common?"

"They're both the bottom of the totem pole."

"Both fucking jokes."

"Neither of them deserve to have careers here."

"And with their powers combined, The Wonder Twins form shit with sugar on it."

"That's not a team created from mutual respect, a sense of unity or whatever else some cunt says at the end of a Saturday morning kids show."

"No, cunts."

"That team is accidentally shat out after a brain fart."

"A loose, messy turd that thuds onto the board room meeting table at XWF headquarters from the same drunk cunt who threw together the macaroni art that made the tag tourney bracket."

"I've beat John Black with fucking ease and decimated him in the most simple and phoned in promo I could have produced. A promo where I went off on cunts that I have deemed slightly more important than that dumb cunt for longer and with more effort. That is how little the shit cunt means to me."

"And Wish is the exact same."

"Fucking Michael Jackson's skin tone through time is what me and Fuzz are dealing with here. Same cunt with the same shit level, both wishing they were in Dead Cunt's Society with the absolute garbage they try and push on people. Two shit cunt baby seals waiting to receive the club from me and dad."

"Sick Cunts got screwed on Savage and we're gonna take that out on the two dumbest cunts I've ever had the displeasure to set my eyes on."

"Fuck Theo Pryce and his shit inside jokes that only he laughs at while he bounces on his 'I was something once' trophy."

"Fuck James Raven who handed him that trophy after licking Lane's elongated, old man balls long enough to get a cozy seat at the XWF tower."

"Fuck Vinnie Lane for not only allowing these clowns to run the circus but actively encouraging it. Lane! You're getting cucked, cunt! Get your fucking priorities in order!"

"And fuck THUGS for having the audacity to even think of the notion of teaming together and if they ever think for a fucking millisecond they have of beating Sick Cunts I'll bitch slap that thought out of there neanderthal skulls quicker than Smoking Bob Williams can ruin the 'flagship.'"

"That's if you two are even capable of thoughts you smooth-brained fucktards. You're both fucking slower than a Savage show."

"Honestly, can't wait to burn this fucking place to the ground one day."

"Soldier did one good thing since he came back. He threw a spanner in the works. Fuck management protecting cunts like Apex, fuck Main and Page! Fuck that rigged tourney and fuck all of you!"

"This time we're PUSHING SICK CUNTS! And leaving garbage like all of you in the dust."

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