As the scene fades in we see Drew Archyle pacing around the vast expanse that is his hotel suite. The locking mechanism on the suite's door clicks as the door to the suite opens up revealing XWF Universal Champion Robert Main in all his hairy glory. Drew pauses in the middle of the room and looks towards the entryway as Robert crosses the threshold into the suite.


Drew what the hell are you wearing? Main asks as he walks into the room and places his wrestling bag down on the leather couch.

Clothes Robert. I'm wearing clothes. What are you wearing? Drew responds with a somewhat miffed look on his face.

I'm wearing clothes Drew. I'm not even sure what you are wearing. Main remarks as he points down towards Drew's bright pink and extremely tight pants.

They are yoga pants Robert. They offer comfort and support. Something you wouldn't know anything about. Drew replies as he turns around and walks away from Robert revealing the purple text that stretches across his ass that says "It's Not Gonna Spank Itself."

Those are women's pants Drew. That's why they barely cover your knees. How was the bright pink not a dead giveaway?

Did you not notice the sunglasses on my face? And I thought they were just long shorts, or short kapri's.

And that's another thing, what's with the sunglasses? You're inside.

Sensitivity to light Robert. Geez why are you on my ass? No wonder Page has been calling you DICK for two months. Drew shouts as he then grabs the side of his head and then lays down on the couch, covering his eyes with his right forearm.

You alright?

I'm fine. I just need to take a break. I think I may have overdid it a bit this week.

Have you heard back from the Doctor's yet? Main asks as he walks over towards the mini fridge and starts pulling out various mini bottles of scotch.

No I haven't so I'm assuming that's a good sign.

Really? Because I'd think the exact opposite. That you not hearing from them is a bad thing.

Of course you do Robert because you surround yourself with negativity. It's fine Robert. Everything is fine. Me and Crow will defend the titles proudly. You know this.

You and who? Main asks as he turns again to face Drew while also downing one of the mini bottles of Scotch.

Me and Raven. James Raven.

That's not what you said. You said You and Crow. I have no idea who Crow is.

What? That's ridiculous. I think I know my partner's name Bob.Me and Raven are going to walk into Leap of Faith as champs and make quick work of MDMA and Jack Black.

Are you fucking with me?

What? Drew says as he sits up in on the couch.

You just said you are facing MDMA and Jack Black.

Yeah. So?

MDMA is actual name for the drug Ecstasy. And Jack Black is a comedian. Albeit not a very funny one. Your opponents are MDK and Bill Blakk. You remember MDK right? You eliminated him at War Games. Bill Blakk is someone Page brought in to I guess replace Rage since he's never been heard from again after we kicked his ass at the last PPV. I really think you need to get the Doc's on the phone and see what's going on. I think you are still a bit messed up in the head.

I know Bob. You've been telling me that for like 30 years.

No not like that Drew. I mean really actually messed up in the head. I don't think you are actually fully healed from your last concussion.

I appreciate the Mother Hen act Bob I really do. It's touching but I've had more concussions than you've had sexual partners. I think I've got a pretty good handle on when I'm messed up and when I'm just tired from a week of heavy shenanigans.

I'd like to think that's true Drew but you are intermittently not making any sense.


Suddenly there is a knock at the door quickly followed by the person on the other side of the door announcing "ROom Service."


You ordered room service?

Yes Bob I did. In case you hadn't noticed I'm trying to take it easy today. Get myself physically and mentally prepared for tomorrow. Can you get the door for me please? I have a splitting headache and I think if I try and get up I'll just fall over.


Robert walks over towards the door and pulls it open. A young man then pushes a silver cart into the room towards Drew.


Where would you like your room service? The young man asks.

Over at the table please. And what took you guys so long? I called like two hours ago.

I apologize for the delay sir. Some of what you ordered was rather unorthodox so it took our staff a little time to gather it all up. But the good news is we were able to get everything on your list.

Great but no brownie points for expediency.


The young man begins removing the metal lids off of the various plates revealing a mish mash of items that in no way make any sense together. Some of which aren't even food.


You ordered this stuff? He ordered this stuff? Robert asks as he looks over towards the young man delivering the food.

Yes he did sir. Here is the list of what he asked for. The young man says as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded up piece of paper and hands it to Robert.


Robert unfolds the list and starts reading off the various items.


Sage, Coriander, Boiled Sheep's Head...Boiled Sheep's Head. Seriously? Robert pauses for a few seconds to let that sink in before he keeps reading the list. Lobster tail. One pound of carrots. Eggplant. Extra Virgin Olive Oil and 8 ounces of chopped soil. Drew what the hell is all this?

What does it look like? Ingredients.

Ingredients? Ingredients.

For a recipe I am putting together.

Drew no recipe on Earth calls for Dirt. I know i'm not the world's best cook but I am pretty damn confident in that.


Drew shoots up from the couch in a fit of rage and rips the list of of Robert's hands. He looks it over and then crumples it up and throws it on the ground. He turns around in his awkwardly tight pink pants and walks towards the kitchen when he suddenly collapses to the ground as the scene fades to black.